Without You
by nVaVnVa
Summary: Takes place after New Moon but before Eclipse. Bella dies just 2 days before the wedding, right underneath Edward's fingertips. How will he survive? PLZ R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**HEY, YA'LL KNOW THE GIG. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING. THIS IS MY SECOND STORY BUT I GUESS MY FIRST ONE WASN'T ALL THE GREAT SO I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY THIS IS MY FIRST SO PLZ R&R. I NEED HELP AND I WANT TO KNOW IF ANYONE IS READING THIS AND I'D LOVE ANY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM AND IDEAS. THX!!**

For weeks now, Bella had been blowing hot and cold on him and now that there was less than a week in their marriage, Edward was getting _really _worried. At times, Bella clung to him like there was no tomorrow and other times, she seemed to pretend that he wasn't even there . There were some days when he just couldn't figure anything out. One moment she was staring at him with all the love in the world and the next, she pretended she didn't even know him. He frowned at the memories, trying to decipher the meaning behind them.

"Bella…"Edward gazed her as she sat at her dining table trying to figure out her math homework.

His beautiful angel looked up and smiled at him. "Hmmm?"

She looked so innocent and Edward felt that familiar electricity between the two of them. He leaned in, finding that he need her touch. How long had it been since she last held his hand? He couldn't remember, but at this time, he couldn't care less. The only thing on his mind was that undying need for her lips against his so he could show her how much he loved her. He leaned in, inhaling, and pressed his mouth tenderly against hers. They felt so soft, and warm; Edward never wanted to stop. Eventually, Bella pulled away, gasping for air.

"Edward? Is everything ok?" Her irresistible voice filled his ears.

"Of course." He smiled and pulled her into his arms. Bella rested her head there and Edward felt her eyelashes brush against his chest and her eyes closed. As usual, the moment ended too soon. Again, it was Bella who pulled away and tried to concentrate on the homework that obviously confused her.

"Do you need help?" Edward breathed in her ear and he leaned over to get a good look at the math problems.

"No, it's ok. I need to be able to figure at least _something _out by myself. I'll be stupid if you do everything for me." Bella grinned up at him and started leafing through her notes.

Edward smiled back but couldn't ignore the feeling on the back of his mind that maybe she wasn't joking and maybe just didn't want him that much anymore. His smile quickly turned back into a worried frown as his mind involuntarily expanded on that thought. When he finally looked back at Bella, he found her staring out of the window, her mind in some other world, and her pencil tapping absently against the wooden table. He stared at the gorgeous girl that he somehow loved him. Or _had _loved him. It ached him to even consider that Bella might have realized what a horrible monster he was. He was so close to making her his and if they separated now, Edward knew he wouldn't be able to survive. Just considering it made it hard to breathe and Edward felt a sudden desperation deep in his chest, right at the spot where his cold, stone heart had stopped beating.

Unable to hold back the emotions any longer, Edward lounged toward Bella and kissed her lips as passionately as ever. He tried to hold back in fear of hurting her, but the horrible emotions gurgling inside of him made it impossible. After what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few milliseconds, Bella snapped out of her reverie and surprise and kissed him back just as fiercely. When she did, Edward felt a wave of pure bliss wash over his mentally tortured body. It was amazing. Everything, even the cursed desire of her blood fled from inside of him. His eyes would have rolled back and he would have fainted from happiness if he was a human. But for the first time, he was grateful for being a vampire. He could simply not breathe and not have to worry about it. Matters were different for Bella of course. She was running out of air and couldn't break away because of Edwards hand, firmly weaved into her hair. Not that she particularly _wanted _to break away. So, soon, Bella's lungs ran out of oxygen and she fainted in mid-kiss.

Edward pulled back in surprise when he felt Bella suddenly stop responding to his caress. He couldn't help but smile as he realized that she had fainted while he kissed her. He grinned at a very old memory that tugged the back of his mind. He remembered that day so long ago when he'd kissed Bella for the second time and took her to his house for the first time.

He snapped out of his happy reverie and leaned back to stare at his love again. She looked so sweet and peaceful when she wasn't awake and being bothered my life's constant problems. Edward smiled and picked her up and carried her to her bed. As he laid her down, her lush brown hair splayed across the bed. She looked so amazing, like an angel out of the sky. Edward stared at her for a few more moments before she stared to stir awake.

"What happened?" Bella slowly sat up and looked around her. "When did I get here?"

"You fainted while I was kissing you love. I'm sorry. And then I thought you looked tired so I brought you up here to sleep." Edward gave Bella her favorite crooked smile and tilted his head to one side.

"It's ok." She smiled and yawned, "But I really should finish my homework before I go to sleep."

"I'll do it for you. Don't worry, love. Get some sleep. You need it." He gently pushed her into a laying position and pulled the cover over her. "Good night."

"Good night, Edward. I love you."

"I love you more." Edward smiled and disappeared downstairs to finish her homework.


	2. Chapter 2

**HEY, ITS ME AGAIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE TWO OF YOU THAT REVIEWE. IT TOTALLY MADE MY DAY. PLZ, REVIEW AGAIN AND HOPEFULLY MORE PPL WILL READ THIS TIME. **

**U ALL NO THE THING, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING. MEYER DOES. BUT I DO OWN THE PLOT. HEHE. PLZ GIMME FEEDBACK. THX. **

**_ENJOY!!_**

Edward sat back in Bella's old rocking chair, watching her sleep. It was so peaceful. Just being by this one, simple, beautiful, unique, pure human made Edward's heart swell with emotion. He suddenly had a longing to be close to Bella again. He couldn't figure out why he was suddenly becoming overly sentimental about nothing. It was like he felt like he should be near Bella as much as possible or else he would lose her. It wasn't right. Why would he lose Bella? Edward felt his head spin. Why did he feel like a sudden urge to protect her from everything, to be near her at all times, to be almost a part of her? Maybe it was the fight coming up. Two days before their wedding day, Jacob had forced a battle. A fight between werewolves and vampires to death. Whoever one, obviously got Bella. Edward knew that his family would win, it was virtually impossible for them not to. He sighed and frowned as he thought about it. Jacob was so stupid, he _knew _when the wedding day was and he planned to have the battle so close to the date. Edward growled softly, idiot dog, he was hurting Bella both ways. Well, at least she would be his and once Edward took her on their honeymoon, he had no doubt that she would forget all about the worthless beast.

Edward suddenly felt stressed. All this thinking wasn't good for him. He was overreacting but he couldn't help it. This was Bella everything was revolving around, and she was the only one who made his frozen heart start to beat. As if on a queue, Bella started sleep talking. Edward closed his eyes and just listen to her voice relax his tense body. Her claims of love and soft begs of him never to leave eased Edwards troubled thoughts.

The next morning came all too fast. Edward sighed and fled home to get his car after he said bye to Bella. Time couldn't go fast enough after Edward changed, got his car, and waited for Charlie to leave. Once Charlie was gone, Bella took her time coming out instead of running over to him, which she usually did-wait-usually used to do. Edward sighed, it looked like it was going to be another one of _those_ days. Those days when Bella acted like he wasn't alive. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the seat. Another day of semi-sweet torture.

After what seemed like eternity, Bella opened the car door and fluidly sat into the car. "Hey, what's wrong, you didn't open the door for me today?" Her voice was sweet, light and teasing.

Despite himself, Edward smirked, "you told me last night that I shouldn't do everything for you because then you'd become stupid. And we don't want that." A streak of hope started to shine in his heart. Maybe it would be one of _those _days after all.

Bella smiled and reached across to entwine her fingers with Edward's. He readily brought his hand forward and grabbed hers. Bella's smile widened and she looked out the window, soon getting every lost in her thoughts. Edward stared closely, wondering what she was thinking. While he was in mid-thought, Bella's voice brought him back to earth.

"Edward…" she started hesitantly. Edward smiled and squeezed her hand, reassuringly. As thought to say that she had his full attention and support. "If we got separated again…" her voice trailed off for a second time and she bit her lip. Edward felt his whole body clench subconsciously at the thought.

"That's not going to happen, love." He managed through his teeth. He couldn't think of being away from her. Even hunting was a pain, nowadays. "I can't take it. You know that."

Bella looked up with a mixture of fear and sorrow. "What if you didn't go away but-"

Edward cut her off in mid-sentence. His desperation was obvious. "Bella, please. Are you planning to run away? Please don't do anything stupid. I love you."

Bella looked surprised. "Oh, of course not! Edward, why would I even think about going away. No, I wanted to know that _if _we had to be separated…would u rather be separated knowing that I love you more than anything in the whole wide world, or thinking that I didn't love you and I was giving you a "clean break" by getting rid of everything I owned and spraying air refresher all around my house?" Bella seemed to force the choices out of her mouth.

Edward had the look of pure horror and then Bella saw his eyes turn deep black as the anger set in as well. "Bella. Don't even think of saying the phrase "clean break" in front of me. There is no such thing, and why do you insist on asking me such an unnecessary question if you claim you're not going to run away? Bella, please, please; tell me what is going on. Did I do something?" He was begging now. "Bella please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I'm sorry I made you agree to marrying me, honestly, we can call it off. Just stay and don't make me think about this."

Bella stared at him, the color draining from her face. "Edward! You're taking my question all wrong. I'm not going anywhere. I fully agreed to marry you. I'm not going to back out but I'm just saying that if the Volturi or Victoria or someone came back, and we had to choose, which one would you choose?"

Edward's eyes were still black as he answered. "I'm not going to let anyone or anything take you away from me. I _will _protect you and marry you and you will become a vampire and we will live our life _together _happily forever and ever."

His love examined him closely. She finally leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, rubbing her temples too. "Alright. Don't think about it if it makes you so upset. I was just curious."

Edward had a look of incredulousness on his face. "What?! Wondering? Bella-" Just then, the bell rang and cut him off. Bella opened her eyes in surprise and jumped out of the car. "I'll see you next period, Edward." She cried, sprinting off, and trying not to fall while she was at it.

Edward stared after her. Her question stilled troubled him greatly. Is this what she had been thinking about every time she was blowing hot and cold on him? He suddenly felt very unsure of his protection for Bella. He wanted to keep her totally safe but if he put anymore limitations on her. He'd probably fit the abusive category.

Feeling unsecure and scared, Edward dragged himself to his class late.

"Thank you for joining us, Mr. Cullen." Mr. Crowl spat. Edward ignored him and walked over to his seat next to Alice.

He turned to her as soon as he sat down. "Alice, what do you see in Bella's future? Is she about to run away or do anything stupid?" He asked anxiously.

Alice frowned and looked. "No. Why? Are you guys fighting over something?"

"No." Edward said moodily and slumped in his chair. He couldn't listen to the Crowl talk, in fact, he couldn't really pay attention to anything accept the smell of his singer a couple of rooms away and her depressing question.


	3. Chapter 3

**SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. I'VE BEEN SOO BUSY. APPARENTLY, ITS TAKING MY SOME TIME TO GET PAST THE EXPOSITION, SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. THANK YOU! AND PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING!**

**_OH, YEAH. I DONT OWN ANYTHING, AS USUALL. LOL_**

Class dragged as usual and when the next period came, Edward finally had an answer. He got to class before Bella and leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, seeming to be bored out of his mind. He was so glad that his seat was in the back of the room, and that he and Bella shared a table instead of having two separate desks. He could feel his hand tingle with the longing of his angel's soft palms. She made him swell with happiness and she didn't even know it. Edward was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Bella enter the room or take her chair until her hand slid perfectly into his and she leaned over to kiss his cheek. Edward's eyes snapped open when he felt Bella's touch and he instinctively whipped his head around to meet her lips with his own. Bella looked a little surprised at first, but then after looking into Edward's deep longing eyes, she melted.

The teacher cleared his throat and only then did Edward allow Bella to break their kiss. His eyes still burned but Bella looked down, the beautiful blush spreading across her face again. Edward tried to keep control as he felt the need to be close to her again. He took deep breathes through his mouth, trying not to inhale the delicious aura coming from her warm blood. He shook himself, his resolve was strong, but so was the monster inside of him. He vaguely noticed Bella lean towards him, her hands brush his arm and her sweet, soft, angelic voice penetrate his conscience as she asked him if he was ok.

"Yes, love. I'm fine." He gave her a wary smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Are you sure? Edward, if you're thinking of the question I asked you earlier, just stop. I'm sorry I asked. I didn't mean to hurt you." Bella's words came out in a rush as she tried to soothe whatever was troubling him.

"No. It's alright. But I do have an answer for you…"Edward hesitated before looking up and locking Bella's gaze.

She frowned, "Edward, don't. Just stop. You don't need to answer that. I don't know why I asked you, anyway. It was stupid of me."

"No, Bella." He murmured. "You need to know _just in case. _I love you, I always will, and if we had to be parted-which will _never _happen- I'd rather know you love me and have you know that I love you more than anything in the world."

Bella seemed to soften and leaned towards him to kiss his cheek. "Ms. Swan and Mr. Cullen! Can we please pay attention to class for a few minutes!?" The teacher yelled.

Bella jerked back a little, startled. Edward chuckled softly and wrapped his arm around Bella's waist, which was thankfully out-of-sight because of the desk.

"Sorry. We'll pay attention from now on." Edward said calmly, his velvet voice automatically soothing the situation. The teacher huffed and turned back to teaching. Edward smirked and quickly kissed Bella before he turned around again. Bella shook her head but couldn't hold back a grin at Edward's defiance.

The rest of the day passed by like the wind as Edward and Bella finally settled together. Before either of them knew it, the day had ended, and now Bella and Edward were snuggled up next to eat other on Bella's bed. Bella idly traced patterns on Edward's muscular arm. He smirked and flexed for Bella as her fingertips drifted across his biceps. Bella laughed lightly and smacked him slightly. Edward gave her a shocked look and then gently pushed her back on the bed to kiss her wildly. Bella was wheezing by the time the kiss was over but her eyes danced as she and Edward continued to tease one another.

Finally, Edward stopped and grinned. "You really should get some sleep, Bella. We have school tomorrow, you know."

"Ok, mommy. I love you. Good night. Oh, and can you tuck me in?" Bella smirked back and started squirming so that it was impossible for Edward to tuck her in. Edward growled slightly and finally held her still while tucking her in so tightly that she couldn't move an inch. He leaned back to look at his handiwork and grinned.

"Good night, darling. I love you as well." He winked and got off the bed to sit on the rocking chair across the room.

"Wait!" Bella faked an alarmed expression. "You didn't give me a good night kiss! I'm going to have bad dreams if you don't."

"Oh, we don't want that do we?" Edward smirked evilly. He leaned in and placed a short, chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Hey!" Bella pouted. She tried to move, but Edward had her tucked in too tightly. "I don't like you anymore. You're not my friend."

Edward's eyes gleamed, "I know darling, I'm your mother." He laughed.

"Eww!" Bella laughed as well; and she finally managed to get herself free. Before Edward had a chance to tuck her back in, she flung her arms around him and kissed him hard. Edward froze and then began to kiss her back as he gently laid her back down and pulled the covers up to keep her warm.

When they finally parted, Bella settled in the covers and looked adoringly at Edward. "Stay with me, Edward. Hold me. I don't want to lose you."

Edward wrapped his cold, stone arms around Bella and rested his face in Bella's hair. "I'm not going anywhere, love. We'll always be together, I swear."

He felt Bella sigh against his chest and then listened as her heart beat settled into a steady rhythm, along with her slumber. He finally let his mask of confidence slip off. Underneath was a troubled, scared person. Edward had no clue what Bella meant when she said that she didn't want to lose him but lately he had this feeling that he was going to lose her too. He didn't know how, or when, but he just felt it. And it scared him. _I will protect Bella. She is mine. _He silently vowed to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**wow. ya'll are lucky. i got this done before skool starts. im so proud of myself. ;D thank you soo much to all the people who reviewed. i luv u all!! and i wrote an especially long chapter for you, so plz enjoy. **

_The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other._ _-Ashleigh Brilliant _

Days passed like a blur and before anyone-but Alice-had time to prepare, the wedding day came knocking of their doorstep, and of course, so did the Battle. The night of the Battle came all too quickly and Edward found himself trying to calm down as the knot in his stomach got tighter and tighter. He wasn't scared about fighting, he was exhilarated in fact. It was the strange sense that made his whole body tremble with fear, it was the sense that he was going to lose Bella _forever_, and he knew that it would be virtually impossible to do that.

Edward paced the room as the time for the Battle approached. "Bella…" He started as the clock on Bella's side table told him that there were only 30 minutes until he would have to leave and fight. Edward had a strange sense of déjà vu as he remembered his human years and the time of the war. But this was different as now he had someone he truly cared about and didn't want to leave. He turned to face Bella for the last time that night and saw her propped on her pillows, staring at him with such a soft, innocent, _longing _expression that all the thoughts fled from Edward's mind and he lightly threw himself next to Bella and fluidly reached across to caress her fragile cheeks and kiss her soft lips.

"Edward..." Bella murmured his name so softly that it was hard to hear even with Edward's supernatural hearing. Her hand was on his face as well, sliding lightly across his features, memorizing them for the night.

"Bella…I love you." Edward stated for the billionth time that night. His words never seemed enough. No matter how much he said them.

"I love you too, Edward." Bella gazed at him sadly and for perhaps the first time, neither of them tried to compare their love for one another. It was just too sober of a night.

Edward and Bella locked their gazes on one another's faces and an immeasurable moment passed between them. Suddenly, Edward's head snapped up to the clock on the wall, his body shrank away from it and closer to Bella, like it was some kind of demon. Bella could faintly hear the rest of the Cullens gathering around her house while they waited for Edward to come down. Edward's eyes blazed with emotion, from anger, to sadness, to love. He finally said his last goodbye and fled out the window. The rest of the Cullens had already said bye during the day and Bella was left to hear them run away from her and towards her best friend and the pack.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edward felt the wind against him as he ran but there was no pleasure in running this time. He was leaving his Bella to fight with that dog and he knew she would be hurt weather he won or not. It was hard for Edward to live with the fact that Bella loved both of them, but he accepted that because he'd made her do it. He shook his head and cursed himself again and again for leaving her. He'd set off this chain of events and now he deserved this punishment.

His eyes narrowed as he approached the battlefield. The wolves were already there, he could smell them even before he saw them. An instinctive growl left his lips. Almost instantly, Edward felt the wolves go on defense. It amused him to know that he'd caught them by surprise, but then his smile turned to a frown as he realized just how quickly and efficiently Sam was able to calm them down. Edward slowed down to a walk as he waited for the rest of his family to catch up. Appearing there by himself would give the dogs a head start at killing him, and he wanted to see Bella again.

Edward took a deep breath and leaned against a tree, invading the wolves' minds. They knew about his gift and tried to hide their plan from him but since every wolf was connected to the pack, Edward was easily able to piece together his enemy's plan. It wasn't much but it would be effective. Once the family caught up to Edward, he conveyed what he learned from the wolves.

Carlisle frowned at their eagerness to fight. "Maybe we should try to talk to them again. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "How many times do you want to talk? We aren't at a tea party. The already made it clear that they want to fight and I think it's going to be fun!" He grinned, showing off his long, sharp teeth.

Carlisle stepped forward to the wolves alone. "Are you sure you want to fight? I'm sure we could figure out something out."

Sam shifted back, his face hard. "We've talked enough. It seems that there is no resolution to this problem but getting rid of one party."

Carlisle sighed and moved back to his family as Sam turned into a wolf. The two sides paused again, wondering who should make the first move. Then, suddenly, a large wolf with long hair jumped forward at Edward. Edward instantly shifted into a crouch and launched himself back. From there, it was utter chaos as the vampires and wolves revolved in a deadly dance.

Jacob landed on Edward and snapped his jaws at Edward's face but Edward tilted his neck back just in time and harshly tossed Jacob to the ground. Edward's shirt was torn into pieces and it was evident that Edward and Jacob were locked in the worse battle. Jacob already had two broken ribs and a broken arm that recently healed. Edward managed to dodge Jacob's teeth but his claws still made faint marks on Edward's body. Edward strode quickly but carefully toward Jacob. His mind was set on destroying the intensely annoying creature. Bella would be devastated for sure, but there was no way that Edward could leave him so hurt that he gave up, not without killing him that is.

Grim determination showed on Edward's face. As he pinned Jacob down and leaned down to bite him and end his life, Edward suddenly had a horrible feeling in his stomach. He jumped back from Jacob and raced back toward Bella. In the back of his mind, he felt everyone following him, but none of that mattered, he just prayed that Bella was alright.

A cry choked out of his mouth as he neared his love's house. "Bella!" He cried. He could smell the strong stench of her blood a mile away. He bit the inside of his cheek and begged any divine being out there that she was ok. All his prays went to waste as he saw Bella crumpled on the ground underneath her window.

"No! Bellaaaaaaaa!" Edward pushed himself harder and finally slid to the ground, kneeling next to Bella.

Blood gushed out of a wound on her head and multiple bones in her body were broken. He dark brown hair now had bright red highlights and her eyes were closed but tears still dropped from them. Edward wanted to cry out in the agony he felt as he watched her. From the blood pooling around her head, Edward gauged that she had lost _a lot _of blood.

"Stay with me, love. Carlisle is coming." He begged and lightly pressed his hands to the major wounds on her body, trying to stem the blood flow. Jacob showed up next and the rest of the Cullen and the pack showed up a few seconds later.

"Don't die on us, Bella." Jacob's strong voice seemed to hang in the air. "You're going to be fine."

Bella's breathing was shallow and a trickle of blood seeped out of the corner of her mouth. Her eyes slowly opened and drank in the sight of Edward and Jacob leaning over her. She smiled slightly as both Edward and Jacob took hold of her hands.

"I love you." She whispered. Her voice was still sweet and angelic to Edward, but it was weak now, and a little hoarse. His medical training told him that she wouldn't last longer but he ignored it.

"Bella!" He and Jacob screamed in unison. It seemed that all enmity drained away at that moment. Edward spared a small glance at Carlisle, hoping that he could do something.

"I'm sorry son. She's lost to much blood and won't make it." Carlisle murmured with a crushed expression.

"No." Edward whimpered. He couldn't afford to lose her. He couldn't survive without his angel. Just then, Jasper stepped forward and let out a growl. Wordlessly, he leaned down and sank his teeth into Bella's neck, in a last attempt to change her. But it was too late.

Edward's soul drifted away from his body and his fingertips numbly drifted to her pulse. He felt a deep, sharp pain pierce his heart and flow outward to the rest of his body as her he heard her breath slow to a stop, and felt her pulse grow weaker and weaker until it finally disappeared.

**YEAY! i finnally got past the exposition. arn't you all so proud of me? hehe. the fun begins next chapter. oh, and im not going to be able to update that early so you might wanna check back in 2 weeks to see how this story is going. thank you so much for reviewing! **


	5. Chapter 5

_**HEY SORRY GUYS. IT TOOK ME AN EXTRA WEEK TO UPDATE. UUGHH. U GUYS CAN BLAME MY TEACHER FOR HANDING ME AN ESSAY ON THE MOST DIFFICULT SOCIAL ISSUS IN THE WORLD. WELL, WATEVR. YA'LL PROB DON'T CARE. OK, THX FOR ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED BEFORE AND PLZ CONTINUE REVEWING. I WANNA GIVE A SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO GIVES ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM CUZ I NO I NEED TO IMPROVE. ALRITE, WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY, PLZ ENJOY.**_

**EPOV**

Edward dragged himself up to the front to give his speech about his deceased fiancé. Somehow he managed to get through the speech but he couldn't feel anything. He had no idea where he was or what was going. He was falling into denial. Everyone showed up and the funeral but Edward couldn't help but feel that this was all some pre-marriage joke and he would go home to find his angel waiting for him.

But as his eyes settled on her open casket, reality came crashing down on him. Edward felt someone was slowly tearing his heart from his chest through his skin. His breath came out ragged and he couldn't hold back the sorrow that tore though his body. Without thinking about concealing his identity, Edward ran away from the crowd. He didn't know where he was going but he ran so fast that his calves started to burn. But the torture of his anguish racked his body even more fiercely that ever and that only doubled the pain inside of him.

He had no idea where he was headed until his legs came to a halt beneath Bella's bedroom window. He choked back a sob and prayed to anyone out there that this whole thing was one big joke and that it would all be over soon. He scrambled up to the top and flung himself into the room. His heart seemed to split in two as his thirsty eyes scanned the room. The strong facade he had been keeping up throughout the day shattered and Edward fell to his knees, clutching his heart. He clawed at his own chest and desperately tried to tear his own heart out, it hurt so bad; Edward found it difficult to breathe, think, survive…

He pulled himself off the floor that stumbled to the bed. His arms wrapped around Bella's pillow and he inhaled deeply, trying to deceive his himself. It worked for a few moments, while his eyes were closed and he didn't think about how he couldn't hear her heart beat, or how her fragile body wasn't as gushy as the pillow. Edward bit his lip, he desperately tried to forget. Forget who he was, forget why he was alive, forget that a few hours ago, he had a reason to live.

**Jasper POV**

Jasper could feel every ounce of Edward's pain. He was very frustrated about how things had turned out. Bella was supposed to become a vampire, he'd held himself back after biting her for nothing! He seethed internally before Edward's agony washed over him and made him clutch his head in pain. Jasper felt his anger dissolve into pity. It wasn't fair for all this to happen to Edward. He was a good guy and he'd been through a lot. But this, it was just too much. Why did the funeral have to be on the day of the stupid wedding!? It obvious the Edward wouldn't be able to hold off much longer, and if he went crashing down, Jasper knew he'd be getting some of the pain as well.

Before Jasper could brace himself, he felt Edward's anguish shoot through his body and he could hardly stop himself from gasping in pain. Alice spun towards and started to drag him away before Jasper felt the pain slowly reside. He looked up to realize that Edward had run away. Jasper sighed sadly; feeling dejected that he couldn't offer his brother any comfort even though Edward had helped him adapt to the vegetarian life and taught him self control. He looked deep into Alice's eyes and saw deep sorrow there as well. He subconsciously wrapped his arms Alice and pulled her closer to him, as if he needed something to keep him anchored to the ground. Jasper tried to clear up his head and help bring his family out of this depression but every time he closed his eyes, Bella's death flashed before him.

_The drums of Bella's heart faded into the distance and Edward chocked out a sob. He sobbed hard; harsh, unusual noises erupting out of his throat as his body started shaking uncontrollably. Jasper desperately held himself back from Bella's flowing blood, knowing that he couldn't touch her or else Edward would rip him into pieces and then end up committing suicide out of guilt, sorrow, and loneliness. Jasper hastily cleared his thoughts in fear that Edward would hear them but Edward showed no sign of it. Instead, he had stopped sobbing momentarily and was now leaning over to give Bella a last kiss. Jasper felt Edward's pain as he (Edward) brought his lips to hers and placed a chaste kiss on the cold, pale skin. When he looked back up to his family, Edward's eyes held a dead lifeless look. Alice ran to him and wrapped her arms around him to offer some comfort but Edward didn't seem to notice. His eyes were locked on Bella's lifeless form and Jasper felt the ache and grief that rapidly coursed though Edward's veins. _

Jasper felt himself clutch Alice tighter after the flashback. He couldn't imagine what it would be like for Edward to lose Bella. He couldn't think of life without Alice himself. And as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he swore to himself never to let Alice go. And he knew that she wouldn't object when he told her of his promise. Jasper closed his eyes for a second time, feeling a little more at peace, knowing that he would take care of Alice for eternity. But all the tranquility drained from Jasper's body as his mind forced him to continue his previous flashback.

"_Edward, you should take the engagement ring off of Bella's finger. She's gone now." Carlisle said softly, placing a soft hand on his son's shoulder. _

"_No." Edward whispered, brokenly. "She is my mate. She has my heart and I will never fall in love again. That is her ring. I know she is gone. And my life is gone now too." He leaned down and reached out to touch Bella but his hands stopped a couple centimeters from her skin. He seemed to hesitate before he lost control and knelt down to grab Bella and clutch her to his chest. Then he sobbed. No sound emitted from his mouth, but the silence that hung in the air was worse than any of them could handle. It was especially hard for Jasper, and as much as he wanted to stay and comfort his brother, he found himself having to run away. _

Again, Jasper found himself jolt out of the reverie he had fallen into. He never realized what Bella had meant to him but now it seemed that she played a bigger part in his family than could ever be expected. He drew a ragged breath and prepared himself for mourning. Everyone's emotions would be hard to control, but above all, he was scared of his own.

_**YEAH, I NO THAT WASN'T VERY ENJOYABLE BUT I THINK I DID OK WITH ALL THAT ANGST. I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER THO. PLZ GIMME IDEAS AND TELL ME WAT U GUYS THINK. THXS SO MUCH. AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! **_


	6. Chapter 6

**HEY, THERE AGAIN. I NO IVE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE, SORRY. HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER, ITS SHORT, BUT I THINK MEANINGFUL. PLZ ENJOY.**

**DISCLAIMER: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GO OVER THIS? NOT MINE!! (CHARACTERS AT LEAST)**

EPOV

Edward couldn't control himself. The grief that wracked through his body tore him from the inside and out. He couldn't breath, speak, think, eat. He couldn't do anything. Edward's soul had fled from his body to Bella's grave as soon as she had been buried. All he could do now was cry, cry like never before, and hope that some godly creature would take pity on him and end his worthless, horrible, pointless life. He wanted to die so bad. The craving of ending everything gnawed at every part of him. He couldn't feel anything. Even the burning at the back of his throat from hunger suddenly disappeared.

Edward tried so hard to forget everything, to just try to pass day after day but it was impossible. All his senses longed for Bella's presence. He wanted to be able to inhale her intoxicating aroma, to taste her soft lips against his, to feel her smooth warm skin against his palm as he held her hand, to hear her angelic voice mesmerize him, and to finally see the innocent beauty that lit up her face whenever she smiled at him.

As Edward's memory flashed back before him, he felt everything inside of him tremble. His legs couldn't even hold him up anymore. An intense agony was building up behind his eyes and he felt like someone had placed a mountain on his chest. Every breath became labored and Edward could help but cry out in the pain and desolation he was feeling. Without knowing what he was doing, his legs carried him back to Bella's room. He wished for a relief from this pain. The pain of leaving Bella a year ago was nothing compared to knowing she was dead, and that he was the cause of it. If he hadn't been away from her, if he'd just listened to her when she asked for him to never leave her (in her sleep), she would have still been alive, and they would have been married, and Edward would have given her every single thing she desired.

Now that he was safely in her room, Edward felt another wave of pain hit him. His knees crumpled and he could hardly drag himself to the bed where he finally laid down and let go of every emotion inside of him. Between his sobs, Edward blubbered apologies for leaving Bella alone for that one fateful moment, and voiced his love for her endlessly and begged her to come back and heal him, or kill him, or just help him deal with all the agony. He whimpered and as his heart wrenched in his chest, he pressed his face in the sheets, attempting to ease the torture by inhaling her blissful scent. But he'd already used that trick on himself once, and his body and mind wouldn't let him rest. He twisted and moaned helplessly; the sorrow becoming too much to handle.

He cried out again, but this time, it was weak and helpless. He could feel his broken heart shattering even more. His throat soon closed up with emotion and he soundlessly leaned under Bella's bed to pull out her scrapbook. Edward ran his hand over the cover, feeling the soft leather top and remembering how he'd never bothered to make a scrapbook because he never thought that he'd ever be separated from her again. Painfully, Edward lifted the cover and started taking in the pictures. There were many of her parents and her as a child at first. But Edward skipped over those to find his eyes locked on the picture of him and Bella together. She was kneeling beside him and he had an uncomfortable look on his face. With uncontrollable anger and sorrow, Edward realized that this picture was a couple of days before he had left his angel. His hands flew to his hair and he pulled on it relentlessly in frustration. His frustration quickly became anger as the memories rushed back and he tore the picture into a million pieces. In his temper tantrum, he ripped every picture that contained him. And in the process, he ended up ripping the most of the photos with Bella as well. By the time he was in control again, the only picture left in his hand was one of Bella standing alone in her prom dress. Edward panted as his eyes drank in the picture. The picture hardly did her any justice when it was compared to Edward's memory. But it was still so wonderful. Edward gazed at the still image of his beautiful angel. Every ounce of him ached for her more than it had before and he leaned in and kissed the picture. He placed small kisses on every inch of the flimsy paper, imagining that Bella could feel his love though this small, insignificant thing.

After composing himself somewhat, Edward left Bella's room. He put everything back where he had found it and picked up the torn up pieces of paper sadly. He tried to piece on back together but he had torn it into far too many pieces. Edward drew a shaky breath. His composure was slipping, and as he looked at the pile of pictures torn beyond repair, he was reminded sadly of his own heart. He was about to put the picture he had kissed back in the scrapbook, but after the analogy of his heart and the scraps of pictures, he couldn't find the strength to separate from it. The picture was all he had left of her. He kissed it longingly again and then put it in a pouch over his heart.

With that, he finally left his life, his love, his angel, and Bella's room.

**PLZ PLZ PLZ!! R&R!! EMPHASIS ON THE **_**REVIEW!!! **_**I WANNA NO WAT U ALL THINK. IT MAKES MY DAY. **

**THANK YOU!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**HEY GUYS. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!! I SWEAR, I ALMOST FAINTED WITH JOY WHEN I SAW THAT SOME OF YOU CRIED WHILE READING THIS. I KNOW THAT IS TERRIBLY MORBID OF ME BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S QUITE DIFFICULT TO WRITE ABOUT ALL THIS AGONY WHEN YOUR NOT GOING THROUGH IT YOURSELF. LOL. AND THAT FACT THAT IT EFFECTED PEOPLE THAT MUCH JUST SHOWS ME I'M DOING AN OK JOB. SO THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH! I LOVE YOU! **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING. **

JPOV

Jasper watched Edward closely, trying to find any sign of hope or life, or anything minutely positive. But every time he happened to look into Edward's eyes, all he could see was a dead man; a dead man in intense agony.

Jasper felt a strong sense of frustration every time he thought of Bella. She was so sweet and innocent, and above all, she made Edward _happy. _Why did she die? He frowned as he thought about it. From the emotions he had picked up from Edward a few days before the wedding, it seemed that there was some tension. But Jasper didn't honestly think Bella would commit suicide. It wasn't logical, she had no reason to. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Another vampire could have killed her, but then the sent would have lingered in Bella's house. Jasper growled slightly in agitation.

A chocked sob pulled Jasper out of his thoughts. He glanced up and saw Edward curled up on the couch, his body shaking with sorrow. Less than a moment later, Jasper sank to his knees and clutched his head in agony. He couldn't hold back the small cry that Edward's pain brought him. Alice was hovering over him in the next second, trying to send him soothing thoughts even though she wasn't exactly brimming over with happiness either. Within the next few minutes, the rest of the family had trickled into the room and sat on whatever empty space they could find (all desperately trying to avoid Edward and Jasper).

Carlisle was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "Ok, everyone, listen up. Edward, please listen, just try to listen." He desperately tried to ease Edward's pain by diverting his attention.

Edward slowly lifted his eyes and brought his haunted, burning eyes up to Carlisle's. Carlisle flinched but stared deep into his son's eyes, trying to bring some condolence. Edward's face just contorted in a painful grimace and he impatiently waved his hand for Carlisle to continue so he could escape into either his room, or the wilderness.

Carlisle sighed and turned his attention to everyone else in the house. "Well, I just received a call from the Denali coven and they want to meet us and offer their sympathy and compassion, because they are like our extended family after all." He met the gaze of every family member, except Edward and noted their reactions.

Everyone was fairly comfortable with them coming over and a series of nods rippled through the room. After everyone had voiced their consent, they all turned to Edward to see what he thought. He gave them a small meaningless expression that barely passed for a smile and shrugged.

"It's not going to help. And Tanya is still going to annoy the day lights out of me. (Whatever is left of them, that is.) But you're right. Let them come, but don't expect them to change anything." His voice was hardly above a whisper and his voice sounded just as lifeless as his eyes.

With that, Edward got up and walked outside, disappearing after a few minutes. Once he was gone, everyone in the room exchanged worried glances but departed as well. Now all that was left to do was wait for the Denali coven to show up and hope that Edward was wrong.

**Ok, i know this was the most boring and short thing i have ever written in my life, and im sooo sorry. i wrote this a while ago and wanted to post it with the next chapter (which will be better), but i got sick so ive decided to post this now and hopefully get the next chapter out asap. Plz, R&R. it makes me feel and perform better. lol. plz review and ill work on finishing the next chapter as quickly as i can. THANK YOU! I LUV EVERYONE READING THIS!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**YEAY! NEW CHAPTER!! PLZ, ENJOY. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN ANYTHING**

Tanya POV

The Denali's walked through the door and everyone greeted them with hugs. Even Edward. But somehow, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel real. It felt forced. Maybe it was the dead look in his eyes, or the way his shoulders slumped, or the fact that he never smiled, or the painfully dark circles that framed his eyes, or maybe a combination of all of those. Edward looked like someone had drained the life out of him, and it seemed that he was doing the same to the rest of the family. They were all so weary, and sad, and…helpless.

Tanya sauntered to where Edward was sitting alone and wrapped her arms around him. On most days, he'd give her a small hug and gently unwound her arms from his torso, reminding her that she was beautiful, but he wasn't interested. But today, he hung his head and got up, as though Tanya wasn't hugging him, and seemed to drag his body out of the room. He looked so broken and messed up that Tanya didn't feel offended that he hadn't even acknowledged her love and support. She began to get up and follow him, but Jasper grabbed her hand and silently begged her to stay.

Tanya frowned silently until Edward was safely out of the house and then spoke. "What is wrong with him? I understand that he mourns for Bella's death but it has been _months _and she was only a _human." _

Rosalie snorted and flipped her. "Yes. That may be true but she was Edward's _mate. _And therefore, he will _not _get over her any time soon."

Emmett gave Rosalie a pleading look. "She was part of the family too. But it's gonna take Edward a while to get over her, you know how he is. Give him some time."

Carlisle frowned at his family and then turned to the Denalis. "Can you please try to help him get over her? Take is easy; this is a touché topic for him. But he needs help getting over it, and I'm afraid we can't help him."

Everyone nodded but Tanya frowned. "I tried to help him but he won't accept my help. What am I supposed to do?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Try to be a little more subtle. He won't even accept _my _hugs. He's traumatized. Just try to be a friend instead of a lover for once."

Tanya rolled her eyes and muttered something about no one appreciating her and then sighed. "Sure, whatever you say."

Epov

Tanya was trying to replace Bella. _Why couldn't she understand he had given his life away and she couldn't heal him? _Tanya couldn't love him. There was nothing left of him to love, and he had nothing to give her. Bella owned every single frozen cell in his body and he had no control over anything if she wasn't around. The pain, agony, and sorrow that had plagued him for the past half year started to suffocate him again.

Edward broke down and clutched his hair as the sobs burst through his body. He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything but his ruined life. He thought of his family, but they all had mates and every time he heard their thoughts of affection towards one another, or even happened to catch a longing look, he was horribly reminded of how lonely he was. He had never felt like the odd man out before Bella and he would have blamed her for his misery but she had brought his so much happiness. He didn't know so many things before he had met her and his insides started to wrench as Bella's smile drifted beneath his eyelids and her soft voice sang in his ear as the wind blew.

Edward's eyes shot open when he thought he heard her voice but then he became painfully aware of how much he missed her. He was hearing her voice in his head. Edward's head fell back into his hands and he brought his knees up to his chest and sobbed harder than before. _He deserved all this. He deserved every single ounce of pain he was feeling. _Edward tore at his scalp and let out a frustrated sound that was meant to be a growl but came out more like a cry.

Bella had told him once that when he had left her, she'd do stupid things because she would hear his voice in her conscious and she missed him so much. Wasn't the same thing happening to Edward now? He let out a helpless moan and fell back into the stifling sorrow.

Eventually, his cries died down and he rested his head against the side of the house. Edward's eyes were closed and he was still sad and depressed, but all the tears of his heart were spent for the time being. With a sigh, he began to listen to the conversation going on inside the house. It was about him, no doubt. But Edward could also hear other things being said. Tanya seemed to be cursing someone else and Jasper wanted to scream in frustration with everyone's emotions and Carlisle was exasperated that the conversation was going nowhere and Esme was sad that everyone was so upset.

Edward tuned all the thoughts out surprisingly easily and just listened to the voices. At first, all the sounds seemed mixed together and nothing made sense. But then, slowly, Edward's mind began to catch up with his body and started to understand what everyone was saying. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop from bawling again. Their words were so harsh and they spoke of Bella and Edward's relationship as something of the past and something worthless. _Why couldn't anyone understand how much Bella meant to him? _Edward screamed in his head and couldn't stop from weeping again. All the beautiful memories flooded his brain and he tried to grasp at them and keep them but they were like soap bubbles. So delicate, and if you tried to capture them, they would break and disappear.

As Edward sobbed, the voices from inside the house became louder and started to penetrate into his head again. He didn't want to hear them, he didn't want to be there, he wanted to _die. _To be gone, to be put out of his misery. _Why couldn't anyone understand that?_ With every word he heard, his sobs got harder and his body trembled as if an earthquake was taking place inside of him. Edward convulsed so violently that he felt like his insides where going to burst out of his throat. And sure enough, his body started to heave…

Jasper POV

It seemed like everyone had something strong to say and Jasper was so glad Edward wasn't in the house. He was probably still in earshot (for vampires, that is) but at least he could tune this conversation out if he tried hard enough. Jasper sighed and tried to focus on keeping everyone calm, but it was unusually hard. His frown deepened as Edward's agony started to seep into the mix of emotions already attacking Jasper.

As he steadily focused on keeping everything under control, something suddenly caught in his senses. The smell of dead blood drifted to his nose, and he frowned. There shouldn't be any blood here. With a start, he got up and followed the scent. Everyone stared at his and then Emmett began to follow him.

"Hey, where are you going?" Emmett asked, giving him a weird look.

"I smell blood, it doesn't smell right, but its blood. Can't you smell it?" Jasper continued his steady hunt at finding where the smell was coming from.

Emmett stopped momentarily and sniffed the air. "Hmm…your right." He murmured.

The scent led Jasper to the back of the house where there was a kneeling figure with blood pooled around it.

"Edward!" Emmett yelled in horror. "What happened?!"

Edward's body was trembling and he lifted his head up and wiped the blood off of his chin. "I don't know." He said weakly and rested his back against the wall. His body still shivered.

Jasper called Carlisle and everyone ended up following. The Denalis and Cullens were frozen in shock and dismay. No one had ever heard of a vampire puking up blood. And the sight of Edward shaking and covered in blood was more disturbing that anyone thought it would be.

"Edward, what happened?" Carlisle leaned down to inspect his son.

Edward gave him the same response he had given Emmett and slumped against the wall. "I feel so weak." He whispered.

Esme cried out in alarm as Edward struggled to get on his feet but instead, ended up stumbling to the ground.

Carlisle looked freighted as well but he still had the sense to say, "Emmett, Jasper, get Edward some blood. We will discuss this later."

Emmett picked Edward up and ran through the forest behind Jasper as they hunted for blood.

**OK, SO SOME DISTURBING STUFF HAPPENED. PLZ REALIZE THAT PUKING AND RIPPING AT YOUR SCALP IS VERY BAD AND DOES NOT HELP EASE ANY DIPRESSION. PLZ DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO ANYTHING EDWARD DOES BECAUSE HE HAS ISSUES THAT MAKE HIM HURT HIMSELF. THANK YOU. **


	9. Chapter 9

**YEAY! ITS FINALLY HERE. PLZ ENJOY :D**

**OH, AND I DONT OWN ANYTHING. LOL .U NO THAT**

Edward POV

Jasper's keen sense of smell led him quickly to a stray deer. Without thinking, he pounced on it and sank his teeth into its neck. Then, coming back to his senses, he pulled back and pressed against the wound as to not waste any blood. "Bring Edward here, Emmett." Jasper chocked out, his eyes pitch black from blood lust.

"Ok, hold on Jasper. We'll go hunted after Edward's done." Emmett gently set Edward down and curled his weak body into a sitting position.

"Ok, I'm strong enough to drink, thank you Emmett, Jasper." Edward's voice was very quiet and he hesitantly leaned in, his mouth replacing Jasper's hand and the blood flowed down his throat. For the first time in his life, the taste of blood didn't make him feel any better than he had felt before. His body was getting stronger, but his insides still felt like mush. And he couldn't even begin to explain his emotions.

Suddenly, the blood started to taste bad; Edward pulled back with a frown and shivered. As he rocked back on his heels, his eyes found the large, deep brown eyes of his prey. The deer he'd been eating had the deepest eyes that Edward had seen since Bella passed away and he was reminded of her once again.

Weeping from inside again, he pushed the deer away and crawled to a tree as far from the deer as he could. Once there, he leaned against the tree and tried to settle his emotions but his head was throbbing too hard. Panting, he cradled his head in his hands as he slowly broke down again.

Jasper POV

Jasper watched his brother start crying again. He felt the deep anguish and loneliness that Edward was feeling but beneath all that was another desire. A desire so strong and frightening that it make Jasper tremble.

"Edward…" Jasper gasped. "Don't! Please, just hold on. Bella wouldn't want this!"

Emmett looked from Edward to Jasper, "what is going on?"

Jasper sent a fearful but warning look to Edward. Without removing his eyes from Edward's face, he said, "Edward wishes to die."

Jasper's blunt words made Edward flinch but he didn't deny it. Emmett was frozen in shock for a moment before his emotions turned into rage. "What? Edward, don't even think about it! If you want to die, you'll have to walk over my dead body first. And what will happen to Alice and Esme and the rest of the family? Don't even think of doing such a thing, you may put yourself out of misery but you'll hurt everyone else more! Do you understand? Don't you _dare _even attempt to die!" Emmett yelled and grabbed the front of Edward's shirt. His eyes blazed and he growled warningly. If Jasper had even the slightest doubt that Emmett wouldn't let Edward go, he had no doubt now.

For once in all the months that Bella had been gone, an emotion other than sadness and anguish crossed Edward's face. But quickly, he recovered. "Emmett, you don't understand-" Edward began softly, a small sad smile crossing his face. His sorrow plagued Jasper once again.

"Don't even start with that phrase! I understand enough to not let you kill yourself! For heaven's sake, Edward, at least let a year ride out before you decide to get rid of yourself! Why are you suddenly thinking of only yourself? Don't you know that it's gonna effect the rest of the family too once you're gone? We are a _family, _Edward, we stick together and help one another. You can't just go off and kill yourself. We won't let you!" Emmett was raging now, his hands painfully gripping Edward's shoulders.

Jasper desperately tried to calm the tension emitting from both his brothers. Emmett's fury was almost uncontrollable and Edward had a never-ending supply of sorrow stocked up inside him.

Once Jasper had calmed Emmett down enough for him to let go of Edward, Edward began speaking again. "Emmett, it's very easy for you to say that to me but can you imagine what your life would be without Rosalie? Even when we go hunting, as soon as you get back, the two of you can seem to get enough of one another for the next month! How can you expect me to get over this? _There is no point in me living anymore._ If I remain with you guys any longer, I'll just become a burden on everyone. _It's impossible for me to survive. _Emmett, please try to understand, please try to let me go." Edward begged.

His voice had steadily gone from strong to weak and now Jasper could see the strain of Edward's body as he tried to get up and walk away. Edward's legs seemed to tremble almost imperceptibly and his chest heaved from the invisible burden he was carrying.

"Wait, Edward. You need more blood. Don't go anywhere. Just drink a little more, please." Jasper leaned forward and grasped Edward's arm, pulling him back. When Edward sagged under the pressure of Jasper's arm, Jasper noticed that Edward seemed to have unshedible tears in his eyes. They just glistened there when they caught the sunlight but refused to fall.

"I can't drink anymore. Don't force me to, please." Edward begged. Jasper bit the inside of his cheek to keep from letting Edward go. The combination of emotions and words coming from Edward swayed Jasper against his better judgment.

But none of that seemed to effect Emmett. Emmett grabbed Edward and forced him to the ground. "Drink now or I will _feed _you, and we both know that it won't be fun." A threatening growl emitted from his throat and Edward shrank back.

"I don't want to. I can't. I'll puke." Edward murmured anxiously.

"Then I'll make you eat up your own vomit. Now drink!" Emmett forced Edward's mouth to the blood and when Edward refused to swallow, his fingers brushed against Edward's neck to make Edward's reflex force him to swallow. Edward swallowed against his will but then gagged. His body suddenly pushed against Emmett's and then he leaned over, his hands covering his mouth, and his eyes wide. Realizing what was about to happen, Emmett shoved the heel of his hand into Edward's mouth, stopping the blood from coming out. Edward choked and his chest heaved for a good 5 minutes before his body calmed down. Thoroughly exhausted now, Edward slumped over into a prostrating position, resting his forehead on the ground and closing his eyes.

"I told you I would make you eat. Now get up and I want to see this deer and at least two more drained or else we won't be going home. Understand?" Emmett forced Edward to look at him. Edward was too weak to fight back so he just nodded in response. "Good." Emmett responded and then tossed Edward over his shoulder. "Come on, Jasper. We need two more deer at least."

Jasper hesitantly got up from his kneeling position and followed Emmett deeper into the forest. Jasper had never seen Emmett this…this…this protective, demanding, _fatherly _before_. _Jasper frowned. It seemed like Bella had permanently changed every single person in his family after all. As he let his instincts take over to find more food, he contemplated how the rest of the family might have changed.

**WOW!! WASN'T THAT INTERESTING? I THINK I DESERVE A REWARD, A REVIEW WOULD BE UBER NICE *HINT HINT* **

**HEHE. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. DO YOU WANT SOMETHING DRASTIC TO HAPPEN NEXT TIME? REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**OK. THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FILLER CHAPTERS. PLZ PUT UP WITH IT BECAUSE IT **_**IS **_**IMPORTANT. NEXT CHAPTER –I **_**PROMISE-**_** WILL HAVE SOME JUICE!!! OK, ENJOY:**

**OH, AND I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

Time seemed to crawl by but finally a year had passed since Bella had died and Edward seemed to improve a little-well, that was purely based on one's definition of improvement. Edward seemed to acquire enough control on himself to stop crying but on the other hand, all other sounds from him were limited as well. He hardly spoke anymore and showing any change in expression was rare. He still seemed to be in his own little world of sorrow but now it was harder to pull him out of the trances that held him prisoner most of the time.

Jasper POV

Jasper stared at Edward for the fifth time that day. He (Edward) was just sitting outside, staring at the sky. A masochistic side of Jasper wanted to know what was going through Edward's head but from the emotion's radiating from Edward's body, he was suffering…again. Jasper pursed his lips together and tried to calm Edward down; tried to add an iota of happiness in his life. At his efforts, Edward turned away from the sky and back to Jasper. They stared at one another for an immeasurable amount of time and then Edward slowly raised his hand and motioned for Jasper to come lay next to him.

Jasper hesitantly got up and sat down next to Edward, stretching his legs outward. Edward had gone back to gazing at the evening sky and as Jasper patiently waited for Edward to start speaking; he observed the sky as well.

"Isn't is beautiful?" Edward spoke so suddenly that Jasper jumped.

Jasper looked at his brother and nodded. "Yes. It is beautiful. It's like light, yet dark at the same time." He added the last part after some consideration.

"Yes." Edward responded and then was silent for a couple minutes before adding, "Like fate. Don't you think?"

Jasper gawked at his brother. Edward had never spoken like this before. And since Bella had died, Edward hadn't even tried to have any real conversations. Hearing his brother's thoughts, a ghost of a sad smile appeared on Edward's face. Jasper just stared at Edward in shock.

With a heavy sigh, Edward turned back to the sky and spoke again. "I'm speaking to you only because I think you will understand my situation better than the rest of the family." He turned and stared back into Jasper's eyes. Jasper subconsciously shrank back.

"Edward…" He started.

"Don't tell me to speak to the whole family, Jasper. They don't even know a fraction of what I'm going through right now. They can't even imagine this type of torture! Jasper, I need help!" Edward's calm demeanor had suddenly broken to show a half crazed man.

Jasper gripped Edward's shoulders and shook him. "Ok, I'm here to help you. Relax, Edward! We'll get through this together! All of us miss Bella. We loved her too ok?" Jasper's voice softened as he spoke.

Edward hung his head as Jasper finished and then got up and started moving away. "I'm sorry I lost control there, Jasper. I don't know what I was thinking. Please forgive me."

Jasper looked thoroughly bewildered. "It's ok, Edward. But weren't you just asking for help? I'll help you, honestly."

"No, never mind. But thank you. Really." Edward started walking away towards the woods.

Jasper sighed. He could tell that Edward was going to go back to his zombie self. "Hey, at least tell me where you're going."

Edward turned around slowly and Jasper could see a wound being ripped open inside Edward's heart. "To the graveyard." He replied simply and then disappeared before Jasper understood what Edward meant.

Then it hit Jasper like a blow to the stomach. _Today was the anniversary of Bella's death. _Now Jasper understood what Edward had meant when he (Edward) wanted to talk to him (Jasper) alone. The realization made Jasper sick to the stomach. Edward had been about to ask Jasper to help him kill himself (Edward). Jasper shook his head quickly back and forth, trying to deny his epiphany but it was so true. It pained Jasper to have to wonder about what Edward was going to do now that he knew that no one in the family was going to help him end his life. And as Jasper came up with ideas, his stomach sank. All he could do now was hope that Edward didn't meet anyone else while he was by Bella's grave. If Edward came across Jacob, everything could be horribly ruined. Half of Jasper wanted to run after Edward and stop him from going her Bella's grave but something told him that wouldn't be a good idea. So, instead, Jasper got up and went inside to warn the rest of the family about Edward's new train of thought. And all the while, he constantly hoped that fate would finally take mercy on them.

But of course, fate cared nothing of Jasper's fears. The striking combination of dark and light, happiness and sorrow, and good and bad had something else in mind. While fulfilling Jasper's wish, Fate would also going to bring to life his darkest fears.

**OK, I HOPE U LIKED THIS SOMEWHAT. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. REVIEW REVIEW!! I LUV U ALL. THANK YOU. HOPE TO UPDATE SOON.**


	11. Chapter 11

**OK, THIS TOOK LONGER THAN USUAL TO UPDATE. I'VE BEEN BUSY AND THIS IS A STRAINING STORY. BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER, ITS JUICIER THAN THE REST :) **

**DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN ANYTHING, STEPHENIE MEY DOES **

EPOV

Edward came to the grave yard quicker than he had expected. He cursed his speed, he cursed himself, he cursed his whole being. Edward looked on at Bella's grave and he could see so many people standing there, paying their moments of tribute. And the sun also shone on her grave stone, as if blessing her with its warmth. Edward had never felt so left out in his life. He couldn't go to his Bella, he couldn't lean over her grave and put the flowers he'd brought over her and tell her how much he loved her and how much he missed her and how sorry he was. A quiet, anguished cry escaped Edward's lips and he crumpled to the ground, uncontrollable sobs breaking through. The fake mask he had slowly built up over time for his family broke away. Everything was gone. He wasn't even himself anymore. Edward felt his torn, twisted soul struggle to rip free from his chest and join Bella in her grave. He sobbed and clawed at his chest as he'd done so many times before, trying to let go of the pain. But it was too much. He was too weak. Too weak to help himself, let alone save the only person who made his life worth living. Edward's gaze drifted to Bella's grave again. He could feel himself looking sanity. In a few moment's he would be beyond control. The agony would take over, the sadness, the loneliness, the _helplessness, _would take over.

Without a second thought, Edward rushed to Bella's grave. Thankfully, everyone had left and he was alone, finally. Edward carefully placed the freesias and roses and forget-me-nots that he had brought on Bella's grave. He gazed at the headstone for a while, and then he stroked the ground where she lay and broke down. He hunched up on the ground and sobbed, his head resting against the soft soil, and his nonexistent tears moistening the already damp dirt. He cried and sobbed, his body shaking uncontrollably. And without knowing what he was saying, Edward started blubbering his "I love you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "Please come back, I can't live without you"s. but his pleas were of no avail. Bella wasn't coming back, Edward knew that, yet he wished that she would. That she would at least give him some sign from heaven that she was there. That he was still worth something to her. Edward knew he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve any love, any relief, and peace, but he still couldn't help longing for it. Time flew bye faster than Edward could imagine and soon it was midnight, and he was still sitting new her grave, letting his heart shatter with the knowledge of her death.

And then a soft noise disturbed the quiet peace of the brave yard. Someone was coming, Edward knew, and from the smell, it was a werewolf. Jacob was coming. The knowledge of that didn't affect Edward at all. Edward didn't hate Jacob anymore. Jacob didn't affect him. Jacob was just another nobody that happened to be in his life-when he had one, that is. Edward moved back and watched silently as Jacob came forward and paid his respects to Bella. Jacob totally ignored Edward and spoke to Bella quietly, telling her how much he cared about her, and apologizing, and vowing to get revenge for her. Much of what he said was similar to Edward but while Edward's voice was marred with sorrow and regret, Jacob's shook with anger. Jacob stood tall and his voice dared anyone to come near him, to challenge him, because it was clear that Jacob would have no problem ripping anyone in to pieces. _Rip anyone into pieces. _The sudden echoing of the last thought rung in Edward's head. He hastily leapt up and impatiently waited for Jacob to finish. Once he had, Edward drew a little closer to him.

"Jacob." Edward spoke softly.

"Bloodsucker." Jacob sneered. "Why are you here? I don't understand why you even bother. You're the reason why she's dead! You stupid leech! She loved you and you got her hurt her over and over until she died! Does that make you happy? Does that give you pleasure? Seeing someone so innocent and loving being ripped to pieces because of you? You're a monster, and Bella was too soft to see that; but I'm not. I want to just rip you apart with my teeth and slowly burn every little inch of you. I'd take so much satisfaction in seeing you burn. You can't imagine. Filthy…"

Edward silently listened to Jacob rant, nodding his head in agreement. "You're right, Jacob. I deserve the worst type of hell. I deserve to be burned alive, not even be given the mercy of being torn into pieces beforehand. Please, Jacob. Kill me. You have no idea what it's like. I can't live without Bella, it's like living without a soul. Jacob, I'm in hell. Help me, please, kill me!"

Jacob stared blankly at Edward for a moment and then his mouth curled into a cruel smile. "It's painful, Edward? You want to die? Well, I'm not going to kill you. You deserve every bit of this. You deserve to suffer. Do you have any idea what Bella went through when you left her? You deserve a million times worse. And you haven't gotten it yet. If you're so desperate, go kill yourself. I'm not about to help you. I'm not about to put you out of your pain. I hope you suffer. I hope you go insane. I hope you rip your own limbs off and break-physically, emotionally, mentally. Go writhe in earth's hell, cuz when you do die, Gods gonna have something much worse waiting for you." With that, Jacob turned and left.

Edward's lips parted in desperation and distress. He'd thought that Jacob would jump at the opportunity to kill him but instead, Jacob had just left; leaving him to deal with his misery in solitude, forever. And then one of Jacob's phrases entered his head: _If you're so desperate, go kill yourself. _Edward's mind went into overdrive. Suicide. Carlisle had tried it so many times before and never succeeded but perhaps Edward could find a way. The only things know to kill vampires so far were other vampires, werewolves and fire. The first two were out of the question but the third on stuck to Edward like a leech. Edward's eyes widened and his heart leapt at the opportunity to finally be out of this misery.

Edward ran, he ran all the way to the middle of the woods, where humans went camping. To his great joy, some campfires still remained even when the people had left. Edward slowly walked up to one of the gazed in the crackling flame. Between the red and orange and white flames, Edward could see Bella's face, beckoning him to the depth of the eerie glow and without knowing what he was doing, Edward reached out. His fingertips drew dangerously close to the fire, and the heat seared his skin, but Edward paid no attention. His eyes were locked somewhere far away. He could sense Bella calling him, he could see her hair waving as the flames went up and down. His eyes were filled with a strange masochistic joy and he embraced the pain of his burning fingertips and leaned in. But suddenly, the beautiful trance was over. Someone had dragged Edward away from the fire and was now shaking him harshly.

Reality came crashing back on Edward's head and his heart burned with the previous anguish. The chance was gone. And now Edward had to find another way to join Bella. And he vowed to do so, no matter what it took.

**WELL, WASN'T THAT INTERESTING!? IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO WRITE. SO PLZ GIMME SOME REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. I'LL BE LOOKING FW TO READING THEM! :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN ANYTHING. MEYER DOES. **

EPOV

Edward opened his dazed eyes and tried to comprehend what was going on but his mind felt like it was filled with jello. The sudden change of uncontrollable euphoria to pain was debilitating. Edward was vaguely aware that he was still being shaken roughly and he slowly pulled himself together. Once he had recovered from his shock, Edward realized that Carlisle was leaning over and shaking him. "Stop. Please, stop." Edward pleaded, raising his hands in surrender.

"Why? What are you doing, Edward? What the hell do you think you're doing?" Carlisle growled in Edward's face, his own face distorting in anger.

"I don't know. Please stop shaking me." Edward gripped Carlisle's wrists and tried to pry him off but Carlisle's wrath made him stronger than Edward. In the background, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice were glaring at Edward, also radiating anger and fear. Esme, on the other hand, was curled on the ground, sobbing with relief that Edward was safe (for the moment) and grief at his suicidal state.

Edward closed his eyes as everyone's thoughts crashed on him again and again. His head throbbed now and a strange burning sensation flowed though his hand. Feeling a sudden, unnatural wave of exhaustion, Edward closed his eyes and stopped struggling against Carlisle. Feeling Edward go limp, Carlisle finally got off and just as he moved back, Emmett and Jasper moved in, to make sure Edward didn't try to do anything else. Edward painfully opened his eyes and struggled to sit up. Once Edward was in sitting position, Emmett grabbed the upper portion of his right arm and Jasper firmly gripped the left one. Edward sighed and let his brothers hold him down even though he had no intention of going anywhere.

Looking up, Edward met the gaze of all his family members and tried to flinch back, but Emmett and Jasper kept him firmly rooted in one spot. "What did you think you were doing, Edward? We can let you mourn in peace but we will not stand aside and let you harm yourself, understand? You're sad, I understand, but keep your sanity or else there will be a family member to do it for you." Carlisle growled.

Edward shrank back. So did the rest of the family. No one had ever seen Carlisle mad before, upset and disappointed-yes, but not mad, and nowhere near mad enough to be dishing out threats. Carlisle, still winded up, continued. "You can't understand why I'm going off like this, can you? Even though you can read minds, even though you've lived with me the longest? Well, I'll show you why-" Carlisle abruptly stopped and harshly grabbed Edward's right, throbbing hand and brought it to his face.

"Look at it. I didn't turn you into a vampire to kill yourself. I turned you into one because your _mother begged me on her deathbed._ I don't think you understand what that means, Edward. The first person I was able to save from death was you. How do you expect me to let you throw it all away? I can't. You were the first person to join my family and I refuse to let you be the first one to leave as well. Look at your fingers. Look at what you've done to yourself." Carlisle was finally spent and he sank to the floor, curling up and biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself in control.

Edward stared at Carlisle in shock but focused his attention on his hand as he was told. What he saw gave him a sudden feeling of excitement and fear. He felt Jasper tense beside him and tighten his grip, but Edward was too wrapped up in his distorted fingers to care.

He gingerly touched his fingertips and was surprised to find them so tender. As he inspected his hand closer, he saw that their color had changed from snowy white to a tan-his human skin color. Edward gasped. He experimentally made his hand into a fist but quickly let his hand loose when he felt his fingers fill with a burning sensation. He pressed his fingertips again and was surprised to find them just as soft and fragile as human skin. His mouth parted in awe and he felt the rest of his hands with feverish excitement. But to his dismay, only his index, middle, and ring finger fingertips had this odd change to them.

He looked up as Carlisle questioningly, but Carlisle just shrugged. "I don't know what happened, Edward. That is why I was so scared. But after seeing you hand like that, I'm assuming that exposure to fire without getting burned can cause our body to become more human-ish. But I don't know." At the excited look in Edward's eyes, Carlisle resolutely added, "don't think about it, Edward. We are not try and you are not going anywhere alone from now on."

Edward's face fell but he could do nothing to contradict Carlisle, as the whole family was against him. He just sighed and let Jasper and Emmett lead his home. To his great relief, Carlisle still let Edward stay inside his room alone, but there were always people covering the exits and Alice was more vigilant than ever when it came to visions about Edward's future. So, with little else to do, Edward lay back on his couch and examined his messed up hand. Upon feeling the soft, fragile fingertips, Edward's mind reflected back to Bella.

_His perfect goddess lay back on her bed and grinned at him with sleepy eyes. "Come here." She motioned for him to sit next to her and without a second thought, he obeyed. _Your wish, my command.

"_So, how was your day?" His goddess asked. Laughing at the generalness of the question, and knowing that he'd spent all but two hours with her. _

_He smiled and kissed her forehead, letting his lips drift to the tip of her nose so he could take in the soft, smooth, delicate expanse of her skin. "Well, I spent it with this beautiful girl and I have to say, I enjoyed every minute of it." He smiled, his eyes dancing. _

_His goddess raised her cute little eyebrows at him in mock curiosity and said, "a beautiful girl? Do I know her? Who is she? Tell me about her, will you?" _

_He laughed. "Oh, yes, of course. I don't know if you've ever met her, but you should. She is perfect. She has long, soft brown hair with chocolate eyes and a voice that would make sirens envious. She is senseless and kind and makes me want to run to the ends of the world and back with joy every time she says my name." _

_His goddess smiled and teased,. "I should like to meet this girl. She sounds quite interesting. Can you give me another hint at who she is?" _

_He smiled. "Of course, she is YOU." _

Edward snapped back from his reverie with a smile. Oh, how he missed Bella. But then his smile quickly turned into a frown as he thought about how everything was over and his last chance at happiness was gone. His mouth twisted in anger and sorrow. He had been so close. So close to getting what he wanted! But they had stopped him. He was so tempted to go back and try it again. How hard would it be to make a fire from sunlight…

"EDWARD! DON'T EVEN _THINK _ABOUT IT!" Alice screamed from below.

Edward sighed. He'd have to find another way. Besides, he had all of eternity.

**YEAY! EDDI'S NOT DEAD. REVIEW FOR ME PLEASE AND TELL ME IF YOU LIKE MY FLASHBACKS. :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**OK. ANOTHER CHAPTER. ENJOY. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (EXCEPT THE PLOT :D)**

_Darkness. Imprisoning me. All that I see. Absolute horror. I can not live. I can not die. Trapped in myself. Body my holding cell.__ - Metallica_

Jasper POV

Edward had been doing better lately. For the first several months, the whole family had been tense; all the time. Now, everyone had kind of relaxed. They were still alert, but a more relaxed form of alert and Edward was being his usual sad, brooding self. Jasper winced at the emotions coming from Edward but had learned how to cope with them better over time.

To everyone's great joy and sorrow, Christmas was coming up. Everyone was happy since Christmas gave them an opportunity to celebrate and buy gifts, but the sadness of Bella's absence also weighed them down. Edward still wasn't allowed out of the house so the family went shopping out in pairs. Alice and Esme thought that Edward should be able to go shopping for gifts for the whole family-even though that would ruin the surprise-but Edward said he didn't want to go anywhere except to his room.

Lately, Edward had been very quite. His responses were either five words or less. Jasper had been hoping that Edward might open up to him again but it seemed like Edward was too busy locked up in his own world to notice how anyone wanted to help. Sometimes is seemed that Edward couldn't even read thoughts anymore. Jasper sometimes thought about Bella and how the good old days used to be but when he looked at Edward to see his reaction, Edward's face was blank, as usual. His unresponsiveness to most things frightened everyone, but Carlisle's fear rose above everyone else's as he thought that Edward might go at great lengths to find feeling again, even if meant hurting himself. After Edward's fire incident, Carlisle was always so tense. No matter what Esme did or said, Carlisle always looked as if he had a great strain on him. But from everyone else's emotions, Jasper could tell that Carlisle wasn't the only one. In fact, everyone was worried and scared for Edward. Jasper felt overwhelmed most of the time. He wanted to run away and calm down some times but he couldn't. His family had put up with him for so long, even when he slipped up, now it was his turn to pay them back. Jasper concentrated and calmed everyone's tense nerves. He had learned not to totally calm every one down, but just reduce the anxiety. Maintaining a relaxed atmosphere with the Cullens was hard work. So he just sort-of numbed them.

At that moment, Edward came down and ruined Jasper's calming process. As soon as Edward came out of his room, everyone sat on the edge of their seat. It was better than before though; before, everyone used to stand up and looked like they were getting ready to fight. At Jasper's sigh of frustration, Edward looked at him and then a sad look came across his face. "Sorry." He murmured quietly.

Jasper smiled back reassuringly, "it's fine. Don't worry about it." He went back to his work but subtly changed Edward's mood as well this time.

Surprisingly, Edward seemed to feel the change in him mood, no matter how small. He turned around, shoulder's tense, "Please, don't." He said quietly.

Jasper was taken aback by Edward's vigilance but quickly recovered. "Sure, sorry." He said calmly, radiating soothing waves.

Edward frowned and moved back, as if wanting to escape from peace. At that moment, Esme came in from the garage, carrying an arm load of gifts (for the upcoming holiday) and decorations. "Edward, dear. Will you help me with the bags please?" She said sweetly, acting as though nothing was unusual. Edward nodded minutely and brought the rest of the items inside.

Esme smiled brightly at Edward and said, "Oh, thank you. Hey, why don't you play a song for us on the piano? Christmas is coming up and we might as well get into practice for singing!"

Emmett, who was watching TV, snorted. Jasper could hardly hold back a snicker. What a lame excuse to get Edward to finally start doing something other than brood.

Edward, however, looked very troubled. "I don't know, Esme…" He hesitated, but Esme just smiled and led him to the piano, hugging him slightly and placing his fingers on the keys before stepping back and waiting for him to start playing. Edward bit his lip the way Bella used to and Jasper could feel the insecurity and hesitance coming from Edward.

Taking a deep breath, he lightly touched the keys. No sound came out but the family gathered around Edward anyway. He finally pressed the keys in to random order, as though he was hearing the sounds for the first time. There was something discerning about the way the sounds sounded now; as though Edward's sorrow had somehow damaged the piano as well. Jasper watched Edward's face closely to see if he felt the same way Jasper did. To everyone's surprise, just as the notes faded, Edward fled from his seat and into his room, locking the door.

Esme looked shocked and hurt but she followed Edward upstairs anyway. "Dear, come out, just play one song. I think the piano got a little dusty since you haven't played in so long." Her gentle voice drifted through the door and for a moment, Jasper thought that Edward would come out and play a song for her and then got back to his brooding, like a gentleman; but he didn't.

Instead, Edward's sobbing voice said, "I'm sorry. I can't." Esme looked like she wanted to cry and instead of trying to be cheery, she went into her own room without saying a word.

EPOV

Edward curled up on his bed and sobbed. He had been numb lately. The sorrow had invaded every part of his life but now, after seeing how his skill on the piano had diminished after just a year of neglect, Edward understood just how much of his life had revolved around Bella. He couldn't be happy, he couldn't articulate the way he used to, he couldn't focus on anything other than his misery, and now he couldn't even play the piano! His life lost all his worth since Bella's….her….she…since she…passed away. Just thinking about it made Edward realize how worthless and cursed he was.

Days blended into one another and Edward's misery didn't diminish, even one bit. In fact, it seemed that his anguish only grew as time passed. Before he knew it, Christmas came up and Edward had to drag himself downstairs to open the presents. He had already caused the family enough misery, he didn't need to ruin their holiday as well, even if holidays meant nothing to him now.

"Edward! How nice of you to join us!" Alice cried and danced over to him to give him a hug.

Edward attempted to give her a smile but it came out more as a grimace. As Alice's arms started to weave around him, Edward unconsciously stepped back, he didn't want to be touched. Alice looked hurt but quickly sauntered back to Jasper's open arms. As Edward sat down in the chair farthest to the family, everyone sent him small smiles and reassuring thoughts. He tried to cheer himself up for the family but was horribly aware of the empty space beside him.

Everyone opened their gifts and smiled and were all jolly and what-not but none of the merriment touched Edward. In fact, it just depressed him even more. He stared out of the window silently while Esme and Alice and Rosalie sang. At the end of their song, he got up and stood in front of the window, his hands and face pressed into the glass, watching the pure, white snow fall.

Carlisle slowly walked up to Edward and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to go outside?" He asked quietly. Everyone was surprised, since Carlisle was the one who implemented the no-leaving-our-sight rule, but no one objected. Edward was surprised too and after staring outside for a moment, he turned back to Carlisle and nodded. Carlisle smiled and gave Edward a small hug before opening the door and letting him step outside on his own, without anyone to keep watch over him.

Edward turned back to Carlisle in shock, but Carlisle just smiled and said, "Merry Christmas." At that, Edward finally found himself able to smile.

"Thank you." He murmured simply and walked a couple feet away and laid down on the ground, staring at the night sky. The family went back inside and just lying in the night air made Edward calmer than he had been in a long time.

After a couple of hours, Edward opened his mind to the outside world and let everyone else's thoughts override his own. But after a while Edward realized that opening himself to the thoughts of his family was a big mistake. They were all enjoying the company of one another and Edward could help but feel the emptiness inside of him.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself back down but his mind refused to let him rest. Instead, memories of Bella plagued him. It was a kind of pain that he welcomed with open arms and longed for even as it ripped his heart into shreds. Oh, how he missed Bella! Edward wanted to join her so bad. He felt his soul struggling in its solid confinement and the pain of that made Edward want to rip his heart out.

Without thinking, Edward got up and started moving. He tried not to think about where he was heading for two reasons. One, Alice would know. Two, it was too painful to plan out something and just have the plan collapse at the end as if he hadn't tried at all. Edward walked without watching where he was going. His super subconscious senses helped him avoid trees but his mind couldn't avoid the loneliness and misery in his life.

After walking to the border of Canada, Edward found a wounded deer. The deer was sprawled on the ground with its limbs twisted in an unnatural position and a deep gash on its side. Just from the look in the deer's deep brown eyes made Edward aware of how much pain it was in and he could see his own reflection in the deer's eyes. There was no way he could heal the poor animal now so Edward decided to put it out of its pain and swiftly snapped its neck. A glassy look now came over the deer's eyes and Edward gently stroked the deer's head. As his hand traveled down the neck, blood started to stain his fingers. Edward studied his deep red fingers and tentatively tasted the blood. His own reaction to the blood scared Edward. Edward jumped back and hastily wiped his hands on the grass, shivering. There was no appeal in blood for him anymore.

Bella had taken the pleasures of life and his soul with her when she passed away. Now all Edward could do was hope that some merciful person would come and put him out of the pain he was in, just as he had done for the deer.

**OK. THAT WAS A LITTLE BORING, I ADMIT. BUT IM LEADING UP TO A **_**BIG **_**THING. WELL, ITS BIG FOR ME AT LEAST. LOL. THE NEXT CHAPTER MAY TAKE LONGER THAN USUAL TO WRITE CUZ I WANT TO DO IT RIGHT. BUT PLZ STILL REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!! **


	14. Chapter 14

**ok. new chapter. enjoy**

**Disclaimer: i dont own anything**

EPOV

Edward stared into the dead doe's eyes. The deep brown orbs held the same glassy look that Bella's had and Edward's heart was filled with deep pain. He had killed the doe just as he had killed Bella. Well, perhaps not in the same way, but he had still killed both and no matter what he did, that was a burden he needed to bear. If he had only stayed away from Bella! Why was he so stupid and selfish and…and…_slow. _How many times had Bella been in trouble because of him? And why hadn't he taken the hint and gone? It hurt so much when he left but at least he knew she would be safe and happy. Oh, sure, she had been sad when he was gone but that would have faded after a year, and she had Jacob too! He would protect her and keep her happy. He could give her so much more than Edward could. Jacob could give Bella a permanent home, children, and happiness. While Edward? He couldn't give Bella anything. All he could give her was pain and sorrow; and now she was gone. _Why was he so inadequate in everything?_ Edward cradled his head in his hands and pulled at his scalp. _Why? Why? Why?_ Edward sobbed, sinking to the ground again.

The sorrow and loneliness became overwhelming and Edward got up and ran blindly, trying to escape the anguish. His legs eventually carried him to the Meadow. Edward sank to the ground and gasped for breath. The air in the meadow was laced with Bella and Edward's scent. Edward inhaled deeply, trying to sooth himself with Bella's scent. It worked enough for Edward to realize where he was. As he took in the Meadow, a sob choked out of his throat. He hadn't been here in a year. The memories this place held was too much for Edward. Anguished cries erupted from Edward. He didn't try to hold back his sorrow. He was alone here; him and his memories of Bella. Bella had been the only person to have seen the Meadow. He had never wanted to show this secret place of his to anyone else. The phrase: _If I told you, I'd have to kill you, _now held a new meaning. Edward laughed hollowly. What had he done to deserve this type of torture? Someone hurt him physically, he didn't care; but the mental torture was causing him die from the inside.

Edward clawed at the ground in misery; anything to stem the pain. His nails suddenly hit something. Edward paused for a moment and then yanked something out of the ground. He held it up and realized that it was the surprise gift Bella had left for him at Easter time three years ago. Emmett had had the brilliant idea to have an Easter hunt and Bella decided that she needed to hide her gift to Edward in the Meadow while everyone else had the decency to hide their presents in the backyard/forest. Edward had always meant to go and recover his present but had been so locked up in Bella's life that he never found the time and Bella had forgotten all about it.

Now, Edward carefully ripped open the package to see what gift Bella had wanted to give him three years ago. He pulled out a letter, a dog tag bracelet, and a CD. He put everything down and then picked up the bracelet. On it, was engraved "I love you" in Latin. Edward couldn't help but smile at Bella's choice of language…Latin, of all things. Honestly. But still, Edward felt lighter. A ghost smile touching his face, Edward picked up the letter. After a moment of consideration, he picked up the CD as well and walked home. He reached his room and slid the CD into his high-tech radio/CD player/latest technology thingy. He hit play and hesitantly sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for the music to come on. He hadn't listened to anything (other than the voices of his family members) for over a year now. And after his piano incident, Edward shied away from his past preferences more than before. Now, the music came on and Edward realized it was Bella's lullaby. His heart melted and his shoulders started to shake with silent grief. Before long, however, Bella's voice started singing. Edward's breath caught his throat and he leaned forward, straining to hear every breath she took and every sound she made. How had she made this without Edward knowing? But still, Edward was glad she had found a way. A small streak of happiness now cut into his life of sorrow and Edward welcomed it with open arms.

After listening to Bella's CD three times, Edward finally turned back to her letter. He hesitantly opened it, knowing that that whatever the letter said would pain him. But Bella had wanted him to read it and who was he to deny her wishes, even if she was dead? Edward promised himself that if he had a single chance to be with her again, he would give her _anything _that she wanted. Whether it meant that he walk to the ends of the world, or if it meant throwing his god-damn morals to hell. Edward quickly read the letter. His eyes drank in the sloppy, beautiful handwriting that he missed so much. Once he was done, however, Edward was back in the same lifeless state as before. He numbly listened to Bella's CD again, trying to chase away the pessimism that plagued his soul. The CD helped clear Edward's mind but he was still crying on the inside.

He looked back at the letter, memorizing it as he had memorized Bella's voice, handwriting, and everything else that had to do with her. He focused on what Bella was saying. Proclaiming her never-ending supply of affection and need for him and telling him that he had earned her trust back but she would personally hold him back if he ever tried to go to the Volturi again. _Volturi. _The name rang in his mind. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Edward nearly laughed out loud with relief. Bella had saved him once again. Unknowingly, she had given him the keys to happiness. He smiled and took the picture that he kept hung around his neck out and kissed it tenderly. He would now go and meet her. He couldn't wait.

******************************************************************************************

Edward sat on the plain leaving to Volterra. A ghost of a smile flickered on his face every now and then as he thought about finally being free. Once the plane landed, Edward didn't stop for a car. He simply took off running. Felling the wind against his face, Edward remembering how Bella used to enjoy riding on his back. He closed his eyes and imagined her clinging on to him. The memories brought back a cascade of pain and joy and Edward took it all in, knowing that his petty life would soon come to an end.

As soon as he reached the castle, Edward bounded up to the guards. For the first time since his idea, a shadow of doubt flickered in his mind. But he had gotten this far and wasn't about to turn back. To his surprise, Felix guarded the front gate.

"Hello, Felix. How are you?" Edward said pleasantly, but his eyes held a wary look as he thought back to the last time he'd been here.

"Edward. To see Aro again, I suppose?" Felix jumped right to the point.

Edward pursed his lips and nodded. Felix gave him a cruel smile. "Aro predicted you would come, we heard about poor Bella's death. And as much as Marcus sympathizes with you, Aro says "no". And don't even try to do anything stupid." Felix's eyes flashed a warning.

Edward stared at him with dull, haunted eyes after he heard about Aro's decision. He dropped his head in rejection and his whole posture changed from one of confidence and some-what happy to crushed. "Ok, well, may I at least _talk _to Aro. Jane can be with us, she will keep me in line if I try to do anything stupid." Edward pleaded with Felix.

Felix paused for a moment and eyed Edward. "Wait here." He disappeared to ask permission. Edward looked around him. He could see sunlight bathing a plaza a few feet away and Edward's memory drifted back to the time when Bella had first seen him in the sun.

Edward shook himself out of the memory just as Felix came back. "You're in luck." Felix said and motioned for Edward to come in. "Jane will take you to Aro. He has agreed to speak to you."

Edward gave him an odd, detached nod and murmured, "Thanks" before silently following Jane through the maze of hallways that led to Aro's room.

When they reached the room, Jane gave Edward a hard stare that he ignored and then led him into the room. The room was beautiful and lavishly furnished but Edward ignored it all. He strode across the room to Aro and silently put his hand into Aro's before Aro could say anything.

Jane watched Aro's reaction to see whether she should stop Edward or not but Aro simply smiled at her and motioned her to sit in a chair near the edge of the wall.

Edward forced his memories to flood Aro's mind. He relived them all one by one to emphasize everything to Aro, trying to convince him to change his mind. Aro let Edward touch him for two seconds before pulling away as though he'd been burned. Edward's eyes turned intense. "Kill me." He hissed. "Now you have proof that she's gone!" Edward lounged, trying to get Aro to see more of his memories.

Aro signaled Jain to stop Edward. Jain focused her power on Edward but it didn't seem to hurt him. Instead, he gave out a harsh laugh and said, "See? Jain doesn't even affect me. This is how messed up I've become."

With renewed strength, Edward grasped onto Aro's hand. Eventually, Aro gave up struggling and told Jain to let go. Jain sulked in her chair, sending dagger's at Edward's back. Edward didn't notice, he was too fixed onto Aro's thoughts.

"Ok. I've seen all your memories. Still, I can't help you. If Carlisle won't kill you and he is your father, who am I to do so?" Aro looked pained and Edward could see that his (Edward's) memories had hit a spot. But still, Aro remained steadfast in his decision.

Edward shrank to the ground, all spent. "Why?" He sobbed. "Why are you all torturing me so?"

A sad look crossed Aro's face and he ambled towards Edward. "We are just trying to help you. You will get over her eventually and Bella will be happy that you decided to live." Aro placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"No!" Edward growled, jumping to his feet. "How can you say such things when you _know _they are not true. Filthy hypocrite! Let's see how well you would fare if I killed _your wife." _Edward's eyes flashed with an inhuman malice.

"Edward!" Carlisle's voice suddenly boomed out of nowhere. The rest of the family flanked behind him. Emmett and Jasper stepped up threateningly.

Edward could see his defeat so he sank to the ground, harsh sobbing wracking his body. Esme and Alice tried to comfort him but he threw them off roughly. "Leave me alone!" He cried and fled from the castle, leaving the rest of the family to stare at him in shock.

Jasper POV

Everyone gaped at Edward's reaction before turning back to Aro. Carlisle stepped forward and ran a wary hand over his face. "Aro, old friend." He greeted, holding out his hands.

Aro gave him the same tired smile and embraced Carlisle. The rest of the family hung back to watch what was going to happen. It seemed that Carlisle was the only one comfortable with letting Aro sift through his memories. Aro held Carlisle's hand and Jasper could feel the wariness, anxiety, sorrow, and helplessness radiating from the two men's bodies.

Once Aro was done, Carlisle asked, "Can you do anything for him?"

Aro gave Carlisle a saddened look. "I'm sorry. He is too damaged. It seems to me that he can't even read minds anymore."

Everyone's shock mirrored Jasper's. "What?" Carlisle cried, sinking to the ground in despair. "No! I knew Bella's death had hit him hard, but I never thought it was this bad…" Carlisle's eyes stared off into the distance.

The negative feelings bombarding Jasper made his head spin, and he lost control for a moment before being able to calm everyone down again. "Are you ok?" Alice asked, running to his side when she felt the calm atmosphere change.

"Yes, sorry. I was overwhelmed for a moment. I'm fine now. Don't worry." Jasper hugged Alice tightly. Alice embraced him back and tried to send him calming thoughts even though her own emotions were in turmoil. Jasper smiled at her thankfully. "What would I do without you?" He asked softly. Alice didn't respond; instead, she simply hugged him tighter.

Jasper finally turned his attention back to Carlisle and Aro. Carlisle was now saying, "are you sure there is nothing you can do? I'm afraid Edward is beyond our help." Carlisle's face held an anguished look.

Jasper calmed him down and Carlisle flashed him a relived look before turning back to Aro. Aro replied, "I'm sorry, my friend. There is nothing I can do. He is of no use to us and with his present condition, I'm not how much longer he will survive. His wish for death is already tampering with his mind. You will be doing a favor by killing him." Aro placed a gentle hand on Carlisle's shoulder.

Carlisle shook his head and moved away, taking Esme into his arms. "No." He whispered. "I can't kill my son."

Aro shrugged sadly. "Then there is nothing I can do for you, I'm sorry."

Carlisle turned away, hiding his grief from everyone. Once he composed himself, he turned back to his family and said, "Lets go home."

Jasper could sense the deep misery and hurt in Carlisle's posture. He wanted to sooth him but Jasper knew that Carlisle didn't want comfort, he wanted solitude.

The Cullens (except Edward) boarded the next available plane and headed back to the States. "Carlisle, what do we do about Edward now?" Rosalie asked, turning in her seat to look at Carlisle. Everyone had avoided the topic until now, trust Rosalie not to take the hint.

Emmett sighed and opened his mouth to tell Rosalie to shut up or something but Carlisle stopped him. "No, it's a good question. We will leave him alone. He can do whatever he wants. If he comes back, we will welcome him with open arms. If not…" Carlisle choked up, but then continued. "We will let him be. It is his life, not ours."

From the way Carlisle slumped in his seat, everyone knew the discussion was over. They had lost Edward.

**ALRITE, THIS CHAPTER DIDNT TURN OUT QUITE THE WAY I WANTED IT TO, SO IM SORRY. MY CHAPTERS MAY SEEM A LITTLE DULLER OR MAY TAKE MORE TIME TO PUT UP (FOR THE TIME BEING). PLZ HANG ON WITH ME WHILE I TRY TO FIX MY COMP PROBLEMS. REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS CHAPTER. THANKS. :D**


	15. Chapter 15

**PHEW, NEW CHAPTER. ENJOY. THIS IS MORE GRAPHIC THAN MY OTHER CHAPTERS SO PROCEDE WITH CAUTION. NO LEMONS OR ANYTHING OF THAT SORT SO DON'T WORRY. **

**ALSO, THANK YOU **_**SARA **_**FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS. YOU'VE REVIEWED EVERY CHAPTER SO FAR, THANK YOU SO MUCH. AND THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED AS WELL. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE MORBID PLOT. IM SORRY. **

EPOV

Edward ran until his lungs felt like they were going to explode. Usually, vampires didn't feel any exertion from running but the added agony of Bella's death made Edward more human than ever. Finally, after running for days on end, Edward sank to the ground and sobbed. His heart wrenched as sobs ripped through his throat. "Bella…" Her name left his lips hoarsely, as he had rarely spoke.

The pain in him was overwhelming and he ripped at his scalp to try and divert the mental pain with a physical one. But nothing worked. Bella was his life, his air, his blood, his soul…no matter how he tried, he couldn't block her out. He whimpered as he thought about how easy humans could die and how he was being punished to live without the reason of his existence.

Edward curled up on the ground, his intense black eyes pleading at the sky to ease his misery. Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes and succumbed to depression.

_Edward drove home after a long day of work. He couldn't wait to get home to see his wonderful children and beautiful wife. Glancing around quickly to make sure no police was around, Edward stepped on the gas. The car sped up and Edward arrived home 10 minutes earlier than usual. He hopped out of his Lamborghini with a large grin and grabbed his suitcase before going inside. As soon as he stepped through the doorway, two kids-a little girl, and a little boy-jumped on him. Edward set his suitcase down and gathered them both in his arms with a laugh. They both squealed as he kissed their foreheads. _

"_Why aren't you in bed yet?" Edward asked his children. _

_His little girl, who looked a lot like Bella, came and wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug as his little boy, who looked a lot like him, jumped on his back. "We wanted to be awake when you came home." Edward's daughter told him very seriously before wrapping her legs around him as well and refusing to get off. _

_Edward's son also clung to him and Edward shook his head with a smile as he lifted both children up and carried them to their room. "Ok, well I'm home now so you have to go to bed." His voice became very fatherly as he laid them down on their respective beds and tucked them in. _

"_Ok, daddy." Both children said in unison and curled up to go to sleep. _

_Paternal love welled in Edward's heart as he gazed at his kids and he kissed their cheeks one last time before leaving the room. He slowly walked to his room, where he knew his wife would be waiting for him. He quietly slipped in the semi dark room to see Bella lay his youngest child (who was an infant) in the crib. Another soft smile lit his face and Edward walked up to his wife, hugging her from behind. Bella looked up and smiled widely at Edward. _

"_How was your day today?" Her sweet voice drifted to his ears and as beautiful as she was, Edward could still see the faint circles around her eyes from sleepless nights. _

_He leaned in and murmured, "Everything is fine but you know my days are _much better _when you are around." _

_Bella laughed and hugged him tightly. Edward savored her feel for a moment and then pulled back to kiss her. He leaned in but just as his lips were about to touch hers, everything disappeared… _

Edward opened his eyes and panted. He hastily scanned the area around him to make sure that he wasn't in _his home. _Calming down, Edward thought back to what just happened. He would have claimed it was a dream but Vampires couldn't sleep, let alone dream. It was probably his imagination just going haywire. But he remembered his kids. And Bella. Oh, she looked so beautiful and full of life. And the way she looked at him when he came home…Edward longed for her even more. And then his thoughts drifted back to his kids. He loved them…but he'd never wanted kids…

Edward lay underneath the night sky for a moment, confused about his "daydream". But in the end, when he finally pulled out of his reverie, Edward he was sad. The dream he had just had displayed everything he could have had if he was still a human. Sorrow filled Edward up again. But the worst part wasn't the job, or the kids, or the home. The worst part was that he never got to kiss Bella or tell her how much he loved her.

At the new wave of sorrow and loneliness that crashed over Edward, he started to cry again. He wanted all of this to end so he could be put out of his misery and be with Bella again. If she was right and he truly had a soul, than he should be able to see her again at least once before he went to hell. But he was going to suffer for eternity in this wretched world first. Anger and unhappiness plagued him and with his emotions running high, Edward had no control over his body. The unusual stress on his body made everything inside him revolt. Without thinking, Edward started puking. All the blood that Emmett and Jasper forced into his system three months ago came spilling out of his mouth. He puked so much that he felt like his insides were about to come out as well.

When his stomach finally calmed, Edward fell into a heap on top of his own vomit. For a few moments, he just laid there, not having enough energy to get up. After that, a strange craving built up inside Edward. He wanted to see Bella again. And this time, he wouldn't let her go without telling her how much he loved her. He quickly hopped to his feet and started running. He didn't know where he was going but far ahead he thought he could see a faint gleam. He ran faster and faster, his craving urging him to wear himself down to insanity, and Edward longed for it.

Finally, he came upon a stream and stopped, panting. Out of reflex, he peered at himself in the water but then quickly shrank away. His hair was covered in grime and so messy that even Bella would make him comb it, and his eyes were deep black, but even they were no match for the ugly bruises that covered Edward's irises. And his features-he shivered at just the sight of them-his cheek bones looked like they were about to pop out of his skin, and eyes were sunken in their sockets and his rock-solid body now looked so frail. The unbearably white skin of his hands seemed to stretch too tight across his boney fingers and Edward knew that if Bella saw him now, there was no way she would take him back. No matter how much she loved him, he was just too messed up now.

A cry choked up in Edward's throat as he realized just how much sanity he had lost. Anguished, he looked up, on the other side of the river, and saw what had made him lose himself. Edward gasped and leaned forward, stretching his hands out in front of him madly. "Bella!" He cried out.

And sure enough, Bella stood on the other side of the river bank and smiled at him. She stretched her hand towards him as well and curled her fingers, indicating that he cross the river and join her. "Come to me, love." Her voice was an ethereal whisper and Edward found himself moving towards her without any control.

Just as he was about to reach the other side, however, his body collapsed. And he sunk to the bottom of the river, feeling the water smack him as it passed. _No. _He needed to get to Bella, but his body couldn't move. He struggled against himself but ended up succumbing to his own weakness…

_Edward walked down a dark, lonely street until he reached a large house with two vampires guarding the door. He slowly walked up to them and said, "I want to die. Kill me quickly and I will leave you alone. Please, end my misery, please." _

_The two vampires laughed. "We can not do anything. You must convince our Queen to help you. Go, speak to her, and she will decide if you are worth death." Then they stepped aside and pushed Edward through the door way, and into an even darker hallway. _

_Edward turned around to ask them for directions to this Queen but the door was gone. He turned around again and started walking down the hall. He couldn't see anything but after a few moments of walking, a sudden brightness filled the hall, as if someone had turned on every light in the house. Edward briefly looked around the hall but its beauty was lost on him. Emotionlessly, he proceeded forward until he reached the farthest door at the end of the hall. Without thinking, he opened the door and stepped in. _

_In front of him was a large, luxurious room. It contained a mahogany wardrobe to the right and a large, white dresser and mirror to the left; in the middle, lay a king sized bed. Edward walked over to the mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked exactly the same way he had looked for the past hundred years, but something behind him caught his eye. He stared harder into the mirror, trying to decipher what was there._

_Then suddenly, he saw her: Bella. _

_Edward stared into the mirror hungrily, clutching it tightly as if afraid that the mirror and the vision of his love would disappear. Internally, he fought with the urge to turn around. He needed to see her but his intuition told him that if he turned around, he would never see her again. _

_She smiled and walked towards him. Her steps were light and her face shone with extreme beauty. But something was wrong. She wasn't the Bella he was used to. A sudden pain dug into his heart as a warning that he should run and get away from her. But Edward's mind relished the sight of her, he wanted her again, and so he stayed. _

_She stopped right behind him, so close that Edward could see every feature in the mirror that he so desperately stared into. Her inhuman smile made Edward shiver in fear and when she reached out and touched him, Edward felt like his body had been turned into ice. Dread invaded Edward's veins as Bella's hands tightened their grip on his cheek. "Why are you here? Don't you want to enjoy life anymore?" Even her voice made Edward's muscles clench with terror. Everything about her was so perfect and beautiful and dangerous. _

"_I want to die. But first, I want to feel you, hear you, kiss you, and tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you." Edward whispered. _

"_And what are you willing to give up if I give you your wish?" Bella's lips pulled back into a grin. Her teeth-or rather, fangs-dripped with blood and for the first time, Edward noticed that her eyes were red as well. _

"_Anything. I will give you anything you want. My heart, my soul, my body, my possessions. Anything." Edward said desperately. _

_The cruel joy that lit up Bella's face made Edward want to beg her to let him go but he couldn't. Something in him made him bow to her will and ignore all his fears. "Ok, Edward. I will grant your wish." _

_Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wondered what would happen and how Bella would twist his words and make him regret everything. "Open your eyes and turn around." Bella's voice pierced through Edward. _

_He slowly obeyed and when he turned around, he found himself struggling to hold back a scream. His Bella, his human, normal, wonderful Bella was strewn on the floor. He looked the exact same way she had when she had been dying, covered in blood. "Bella!" Edward gasped and chocked. _

"_Edward…" Bella's eyes struggled to open as she whispered his name. _

_Edward sank to the ground and cradled her. "I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry." He sobbed. He spilled out everything that had been pent up inside him. His undying love for her and how sorry he was. He leaned down and kissed her softly in the middle of his monologue but when he tried to kiss her again, at the end his speech, she disappeared. Edward started crying. "No! NO! Come back! Please! Come back…" _

_He sobbed, curling up into a ball on the floor. "Edward…" Inhuman Bella's voice drifted through the air. _

"_You!" He screamed. "Why are you doing this to me? Why didn't you let me say goodbye?" He looked up, meaning to find her and kill her, but she wasn't there. Only her voice was. _

"_When you told me your wish, you never said you wanted a chance to say goodbye." Her voice danced and seemed to laugh at his misery. "Now, get up. Do you remember your promise? It's time to pay up. Give me your soul!" _

_Out of nowhere, black shadows reached out for Edward and grabbed on to him, filing him with pain… _

Edward snapped out of his second reverie and screamed. Water filled his unneeded lungs and weighed him down even more. Edward struggled to get on shore and once he did, he puked up everything. Water laced with blood spilled onto the bank and some of it polluted the river as well.

Edward looked up to see that he had come up on the other side of the river, but Bella wasn't there. A harsh, humorless laugh erupted from Edward's throat. He had lost all his sanity. He was hallucinating and dreaming and hurting himself. No one would kill him so he would kill himself. Edward mentally went through a list of all the ways humans used to commit suicide. They were all so pathetic and useless. In a fit of helplessness and rage, Edward got up and ran, purposefully barreling through the trees, ripping them from their roots.

The sounds of branches snapping gave Edward a savage pleasure but he wanted more. He wanted screams and cries; he wanted to put others through his own pain. But there was no one around him. He was alone in this large forest. So he would have to settle for himself.

Edward gracefully sank to the ground and looked over his disheveled form. Then, he grabbed his left arm with his right and sank his teeth into the cold, stone flesh. His left arm trembled but the pain brought ecstasy to Edward. He tore at the skin more, feeling the tendons and muscles ripping apart. His stomach soared from pleasure when the sharpness of his teeth pierced new skin. Soon, Edward's arm lay in shreds, tendons and muscles were scattered all around him. But the pain had receded into a dull throb. Edward felt unsatisfied as he looked at the mess of flesh and blood on his arm, bone peeked out from underneath. The sharp whiteness of bone beneath the deep red blood that flowed from his torn veins taunted Edward's crazed eyes. He sank his teeth into the bone, taking pleasure in the sickening cracks that could be heard from miles away. He pulled back from his mauled arm and stared in disgust at the blood that covered his arm. It wasn't even his. He wasn't even bleeding his own blood. Edward hated himself for it. He hated himself for everything and senselessly tried hurting himself some more, but he was too weak, and soon his world faded into blackness…

Jasper POV

Alice sobbed on Jasper's shoulder on the plane ride back to Forks. The family's combined sorrow plagued Jasper so much that it became debilitating. Jasper felt like he was paralyzed underneath a ton-no, a couple of tons-worth of anguish. And he missed Edward too. He knew how contorted his face must look but he couldn't change his expression, the grief was just too much.

Suddenly, just as the plane was about to land, Alice shot up and covered her mouth to stifle a scream. At seeing his wife in such a state, Jasper found the energy to move and pull her to his chest, trying to offer comfort. Alice seemed to scream silently for a full minute before she calmed down.

The whole family gathered around Alice to see what was wrong. "Edward!" Alice cried.

Everyone turned to Carlisle. "He's near Volterra. We need to get to him! He's killing himself!" Alice cried.

Carlisle's face twisted in pain. "We can't do anything. We've tried to help him but we can't. I'm sorry Alice…" He turned away and his voice chocked up as he spoke.

"No! You don't understand. We need to get to him, quickly!" Alice pleaded.

Carlisle caved under the combined pressure of the whole family, and as soon as the plan landed, the Cullens boarded another one and left to find Edward and break their own hearts further.

**WOW. THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? WAS THE LAST EDWARD SCENE TOO GRAPHIC? SHOULD I MAKE THIS STORY RATED M? AND DO YOU GUYS WANT BELLA TO COME BACK? CUZ IM NOT NEARLY DONE WITH EDWARD YET. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. THANKS. **


	16. Chapter 16

**FINALLY! NEW CHAP. R&R PLZ. **

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING, YOU KNOW THAT.**

Carlisle leaned over Edward's motionless body. He carefully pieced the torn muscles, tissues and bone fragments together and then wrapped them up to keep them tight and steady so they could heal. His posture oozed of sorrow and pain.

Japer frowned as he studied Edward's still, lifeless form. He was so stupid! That stupid, suicidal freak! A surge of anger rushed through Jasper but then it was soon replaced by sorrow. Edward had helped him so much, but Jasper had failed him. Jasper felt a wave of helplessness come over him. If only he had tried harder, if only he had bit Bella before she died, if only…if only…

Alice came in the room and looked at Edward sadly. She had hoped that Edward would wake up but he hadn't and she couldn't see his future anymore. It was like Edward was dead…

Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice's tiny body and tried to offer some comfort though he didn't feel happy himself. Alice turned and hugged him tightly and then led him outside to let Carlisle work in solitude. They sat on the couch in the dining room silently and stared out the window. There was nothing to do. For the past ten years (after Bella's death) Edward had kept them all preoccupied with his desperate attempts to end his own life; but now that he had succeeded, there was nothing to do. The adrenaline was over and all that was left was this hollow shell of regret.

Jasper leaned over and kissed Alice lightly. He could feel her pain and as much as he wished to help her, he couldn't. Alice kissed him back desperately, hoping he would provide a distraction from the pain. Jasper took the hint and was about to take her to their room when Alice suddenly became still.

"Alice, honey, what's wrong?" Jasper shook her shoulders slightly.

Alice's eyes were as big as saucers as she slowly recovered. "Oh, Jasper!" She cried out and wrapped her petite arms around his neck. "I just had a vision…Bella's back!" Alice's eyes bore into Jasper's and he struggled to believer her.

"Darling, she's gone. Alice….honey…she's been dead for 10 years." Jasper struggled to tell her, knowing that her heart would break if she had to relive the death of her best friend.

"No! I know she's been dead. But I saw her. Jasper! I saw her coming to our house and she's a vampire!" Alice looked scared and excited at the same time.

Jasper frowned and then sighed. "Ok, Alice. We will see."

Alice trembled on Jasper's lap. "She's coming, I can _feel _her."

By this time, the rest of the family had joined them. "Alice, get real. I think your getting the same thing Edward got. Bella…is…DEAD!" Rosalie glared at Alice. Jasper could feel the jealousy and contempt radiating around Rosalie.

Jasper sighed and tried to calm everyone down. The house had become startled by Alice's vision and everything was now chaos. If only Edward was still awake. Jasper shook his head and went back to focusing on settling the atmosphere.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and everyone suddenly became silent. No one dared to move, or blink, or breathe. The doorbell rang again and this time, Alice slowly got up and went to open the door. Everyone crept closer as Alice unlocked the door and swung it open. They were all frozen in shock when they saw who was standing on their front porch: Bella.

The Cullens stared at Bella for a long moment until she raised her calm, perfect eyebrows and said "hello".

"Bella!" Alice suddenly screamed and launched herself at her best friend. "I missed you so much! I thought you were dead-are you ok?" Alice gushed but ended with a look of shock and hurt.

Bella looked surprised as Alice's body flew out at her and she nimbly side-stepped Alice and then carefully put her on the ground but didn't hug her. Her eyes watched Alice closely while she talked until Alice finally stopped. She gave Alice a thin smile and murmured "Of course, I'm fine…"

The silence stretched and Jasper suddenly felt uneasy. To break the tension, he asked, "Oh, Bella, would you like to come inside?"

Bella turned and studied him before giving him and same thin smile and murmuring in the same smooth, silky voice, "Oh, please, that would be wonderful."

Bella followed Alice and Jasper inside the house and smiled tightly at the rest of the family; her eyes never stopped roaming from person to person, as though she was looking for something in their expressions.

Rosalie was the first one to say something. "Who are you? And don't say your Bella because she died in front of us and we spoke at her funeral." Rosalie's voice cut through the air.

All eyes were on Bella as she answered. "Well, Rosalie, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say I _am _Bella and I _am _alive."

"Yeah, right." Rosalie snorted. "Prove it."

Bella stared at her and her previously blank, calm expression turned thoughtful. "Ok, what would you have me do to prove that I am Bella?" A small smile toyed on the edge of her lips.

Rosalie was stunned for a moment but then quickly recovered. "I don't know. _You're Bella. _Surprise us."

Bella's expression turned calm and slightly amused. "I see. Well, would you rather hear my story, or would you rather _see _my story?"

"Stop playing with us and get on with it!" Rosalie snarled and took a step closer. She was getting irritated with Bella's composed demeanor.

Bella leaned back slightly and sighed. "Ok, fine. But you may want to sit down, this is going to take a while."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and stalked to the couch and sat down rigidly. The rest of the family followed suit. They hadn't said a word since Rosalie had started talking and all their focus was on Bella. They couldn't believe she was here, and with her unnatural behavior, the theory that she was an imposter wasn't such a far stretch.

Bella sat down on the floor in front of the family and took a deep breath before starting the tale. "Ok, I will begin on the evening of the fight. You all remember that?"

A series of nods and yes's echoed through the room. "Bella, dear. Wouldn't you like to sit on the couch? There is more room…" Esme, as always, tried to be polite.

Bella gave her a brief smile. "No, thank you. The ground is quite comfortable and you guys will probably want to see my expression during the story to make sure I'm not lying." Then her smile turned sad and wry before slipping off her face. Then she continued on with her story:

"_On the night of the battle, Edward came and said goodbye and you all left. I tried to go to sleep but I was so anxious about all you guys. I worried that you would get hurt, and if you didn't, I knew that the wolves would. I felt scared and lay in my bed for a while._ _Then, I felt restless and so I went and opened the window and leaned out. I saw a shadow moving in the forest and I thought it might be one of you guys or maybe Jacob and so I leaned down further and waved. _

_I'm not quite sure what happened next but all of a sudden, I was on the ground and I hurt all over. The pain was unbearable and all I could do was lie there until Edward and the rest of you came. I tried to move then but I didn't have enough energy, and I could hardly speak either. Everything hurt too much. _

_And then, all of a sudden, I felt teeth on my skin and the pain doubled. And I wanted to scream and cry and tell someone to make it stop but I didn't have enough energy. I could breathe…move…speak…blink…_

_And then, people were all around me, talking, touching. And I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't find myself to care because I was in so much pain. And when the pain finally got less-it never totally went away-I started to pay attention to everything around me. I woke up and saw blackness. When I breathed, stale wind came into my lungs and I smelled decay. At first, I wondered if I was dead and in hell. The loneliness was torture. And then one day, I heard footsteps. And that day, people came and talked to me. Edward came too, and so did Jacob, but they were one of the last ones. _

_I really wondered if I was dead or not, I couldn't tell. So I tried to get out of my grave. After a lot of difficulty, I finally succeeded; but I could tell something was wrong with me. When I looked at my arms, I saw they were snowy white and realized that I'd become a vampire, but when I looked lower, I found that my legs had started to decay." _

The Cullens gasped. "How?" Carlisle leaned forward in confusion. He had never heard of someone becoming only half transformed. Bella turned to him and a sad smile graced her face. For the first time, the family noticed that Bella's eyes weren't golden or red, they were deep brown. Carlisle gapped at her. "This is impossible! What happened?"

Bella's smile melted away and she took another deep breath. "Don't worry. I'm getting there." And she continued on with her story:

"_So, naturally, I was disgusted and afraid. I hadn't heard of this happening to anyone, but then again, I didn't know many vampires. Well, at any rate, I thought my legs were horrible and I knew I couldn't stand them. They were ugly, and rotten (literally) and unusable. So I dragged myself (using my hands) and tried to find someone nearby. _

_As it just so happened, the person I came to meet was Victoria. When she saw me like that, she screamed and backed away. I begged her to help me and she asked me about Edward's whereabouts. I told her I had no idea and pleaded for her to kill me._ _I guess she felt sorry for me because then she picked me up and carried me somewhere. _

_On the way, she asked what happened and I told her how the wolves and vampires were fighting and how I'd been buried alive. She told me that once I recovered, I should hunt you guys down and hurt you, and she said that she would help me. _

_I told her that I had no intention of hunting anyone down and I'd rather she just kill me right now because I was so repulsive. She told me she didn't hate me anymore, since I obviously meant nothing to Edward anymore and that she would find me help. _

_She ran for a while until we reached Texas (I only found out it was Texas until later). Then she put me down in a dark corner and told me she would be back soon. So I sat there until she returned with someone. That someone turned out to be a vampire doctor-like you, Carlisle-but he didn't really practice. He did more of the research stuff. _

_Well, anyway, he did something and I got my legs back. I think it had to do with replacing my rotten flesh with the flesh of someone who just died (so it wasn't rotten anymore) and then do something to make it all part of my leg and then I guess there was some blood still in my legs so he drained all that out and replaced it with venom. It hurt like crazy but it worked and now I have normal vampire legs._

_Then Victoria and the doctor guy led me to a bar-type place and I get cleaned up there. After I was done changing and washing up, the doctor guy wanted to know my story. I told him and like you guys, he noticed my strange eye color. He thought maybe it hadn't changed because my body didn't have enough blood to begin with when I was transformed and I hadn't eaten since. So we tried drinking different types of blood but my eye color still stayed the same. The doctor guy obsessed over my strange body for a long time, and after hearing my story again, he hypothesized that I was so messed up because the venom hadn't fully gone through my system because there wasn't enough venom in my body and my heart stopped beating too soon. And since the venom only went to certain places, only parts of me were vampire and the other parts were human. He then checked my eyesight and found it was better than a human's but not as good as a vampire's. So I spend the next year or so drinking blood laced with venom. _

_I improved and soon became a full, normal vampire. I stayed in Texas for a while and made friends and stuff-." _

"Wait…how were there vamps in Texas? It's too sunny there…"Emmett frowned.

"Oh. That's easy. The vampires only came out at night and those who did go out during the day had this weird sun-block thing that stopped their skin from shining. It was really ugly but they pretended to have skin problems and were able to pass." Bella rolled her eyes as though she thought the sun-block was stupid.

"Huh…that is interesting. Do you know how this was made? I would certainly like some. And could you tell us more about the procedure that the doctor did on your legs? That's very interesting…" Carlisle's surprise and eagerness to know more showed clearly on his face.

Bella shrugged and said carefully, "I would love to tell you, Carlisle, but I have no idea. Medicine isn't really my thing and the procedure hurt so much I was too busy dealing with the pain to pay much attention to what he was doing."

Alice, who had been quite since Bella dodged her hug, finally asked, "If you were so happy there, why did you come back?"

The whole family gasped at her. "Alice! That's not very nice!" Esme was appalled.

Bella's eyes darkened but she answered anyway. "It's fine, Esme. And I was wondering when you would ask that, Alice. You see, in Texas, there is this vampire bar/pub place where only vampires come and blood is served there instead of beer and stuff. Well, anyway, that's where I used to go every night because that was the only place you could actually get to meet other vampires and socialize without having to hold yourself back. So, I was there one day, and then I saw a strawberry blond vampire whom everyone called Tanya. I immediately thought of your Tanya, Tanya of Denali, and after a while, I found that I was right. I knew that you guys were close so I decided to see if I could find out anything about you guys. From what she told me, it seemed that some Edward was infatuated with a stupid human girl and she died (because she was stupid), and now Edward was messed up." Bella's lips curled up in a humorless smile. "Well, that was all she told _me, _but she continued talking about how Edward was nothing like he used to be and how much she hated that human girl, to someone else. I couldn't help but listen (since she talked to loud) and decided to pay you a visit. So, there is my life up till now."

The whole family was quiet and then Jasper spoke. "I don't want to seem rude, but why didn't you come to us before? Edward literally went insane…"

Bella's teeth clenched and she was silent for a long minute. Then she released a soft breath and closed her eyes, as if trying to calm herself. The calm, emotionless mask flew back on Bella face as she answered slowly. "First, I was so messed up worrying about my own deformities to even think about going anywhere away from the doctor. After that, I had no idea where you might be and I wasn't totally in tune with my geography so I didn't think it would be wise to comb all of the U.S. for you when you might have gone to Africa or something. And my last, and perhaps most…terrible reason was because…you guys had buried me alive."

Everyone started talking at once but Bella lifted her hand to stop them. "Let me finish. I know it was an accident but that was such a horrible experience that I wasn't sure I could face all of you without remembering all of that. I was scared and upset. But when I heard about Edward, I had no doubt he was beating himself up so I decided to man up and push back the past and see if I could help. That's why I'm here. Forget the past, help my soul mate…" Bella's face was still stoic but her eyes had softened a little.

Another silence stretched through the family and Bella. At the end, Carlisle decided to take charge. "Well, since you are here for Edward, I suppose we should let you see him. Though I warn you that he's not nearly as…alive… as he was before…"

"I understand. Let's go see him." Bella stood up and motioned for Carlisle to lead the way.

"Oh, by the way, you can stay in Edward's room while you are here. You don't mind do you?" Esme asked tentatively.

"I have a place to stay and I have things to do so we'll see. Let's take a look at Edward first though." Bella's cool and independent demeanor just put everyone on an edge. They hadn't seen Bella in such a long time and now that she was changed, they weren't sure how to handle her.

**WOW. OK. THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME MY LIFE TO FINISH SO PLZ REVIEW! R U HAPPY THAT BELLA CAME BACK OR SHOULD I GET RID OF HER AGAIN? AND HOW WAS HER STORY? I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY INTERESTING. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLZ ASK BUT ALSO KNOW THAT YOU WILL LEARN MORE AND MORE ABOUT BELLA AS THE STORY GOES ON. **


	17. Chapter 17

**NEW CHAPTER! YEAY! This is kinda shorter than my other ones but it's important…so plz: ENJOY.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

Jasper POV

Bella followed Carlisle up the stairs and everyone came behind, watching her closely. Carlisle gingerly opened the door to his study and let Bella in to the room where Edward lay. His lower half was covered with a white sheet and his upper half was bare. His damaged, wrapped up arm lay in clear view and light scars dotted Edward's chest, shoulders, and back from the battle with the wolves that had taken place so long ago.

Jasper trained his eyes on Bella as she first laid her eyes on Edward. He tried to sense what she was feeling but he couldn't feel anything. It was like trying to find emotion in empty air. Jasper frowned and realized that Bella hadn't told them about her gift. And he'd bet a limb that she had one. He quickly turned his thoughts back to Bella and saw her eyes widen and then quickly turn back to normal.

Her mask of impassiveness was back in its place but she struggled to control herself. Jasper saw how the muscles in her arms twitched, as though she wanted to reach out and touch Edward, but she didn't. She stayed back and let Carlisle show him to her.

"Well, Bella, this is all that's left of Edward. He hasn't moved or talked or shown any signs of life for a week now. I'm sorry…" Carlisle sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face warily.

"What happened?" Bella's face was still blank and her voice had a strange softness to it but Jasper saw how tenderly she reached out and touched Edward's still, frozen fingers.

Esme whimpered quietly at the question and Carlisle immediately went to comfort her. Bella's eyes analyzed the pair the same way they had done when she first came in and then she turned to the rest of the family, her odd eyes still calculating something.

Jasper felt uneasy at the way she looked at all of them so he told her what had happened. He saw how her face tightened and her clenched jaws flexed at the parts where Jasper described how Edward had harmed himself but he ignored her reaction to his story and plunged on, wanting to finish it.

"So that's it? He fell into a deep depression and loneliness and tried to kill himself and you guys tried to stop him every time and the one time you weren't there, he succeeded? He didn't tell you anything? He didn't say how he felt?" Bella's voice was still soft but her eyes were tighter than a spring.

"Well, like I said. He wanted to die because he didn't think he could live without you and he didn't tell us how he felt because I guess he thought that I would already know…" Jasper felt very uncomfortable at having to guess Bella's emotions through her stiff posture and poker face.

Bella opened her mouth to say sometime more but Carlisle interrupted her. "He came to me sometimes."

Everyone turned and gaped at him. "Why didn't you tell us?" Esme asked with a hurt look.

Carlisle looked as though he was about to cry but he continued in a wavering voice. "Because I hoped I could make him better. I didn't want the rest of you to know how utterly messed up he was and how useless it was to try and stop him from harming himself. I knew this would happen, but I tried to stop it. I was so stupid…" He shook his head sadly.

Before anyone could say anything, Bella jumped in. "What? What did he say?" She leaned forward eagerly, her face lit with a fierce expression.

Everyone was caught off guard by her sudden change in mood and Carlisle didn't dare refuse her. "Every year, on the anniversary of your death, he would go to your grave, do whatever he did there, and come back to me and ask me to kill him. He would beg me to…" Carlisle closed his eyes as though the memory hurt him. "And he would ask me what he would have to do to get me to kill him. How far he would have to go, how many lines he would have to cross…And I told him each time that there was nothing he could do that would make me hurt him. I told him that I could never kill him and he responded by telling me he was damned from the start and when I turned him into a vampire, he was supposed to have died. He told me he wanted to die. He told me there was nothing for him here anymore. He told me he would happily burn in hell and if I killed him, I'd be doing him a bigger favor than I'd ever done before. He begged me, and I refused each time…" Carlisle was whispering by the time he ended the story and his eyes overflowed with pain.

The whole family moved to comfort him, telling him he did the right thing by refusing Edward and that it wasn't his fault. Everyone supported him except Bella. She stood there, frozen in time, as though she was lost in a place far far away. Her eyes were slightly glazed and she slowly returned to her senses.

Bella leaned back a little but didn't move otherwise. She stared at Carlisle with another odd expression and then finally said: "You will hate me for asking this, I know…but why didn't you kill him?"

Everyone turned to Bella in horror. Jasper understood that Bella must not feel very warm towards them for burying her alive but he never thought that she would want to kill Edward.

"What the hell, Bella? If you just wanted him to die, why are you still here? Get out of this house!" Emmett growled and took a threatening step forward.

Everyone got together and held Emmett back as Bella carefully stepped back, away from him. "Relax, Emmett. I don't want him to die. It hurts me to see him like this. I'm just wondering what you will do with him now. He's the equivalent of dead. Will you kill him? Will you grant him the wish he has wanted for the past 10 years? The wish you fought to not give him? I mean, looking at him now, does it not seem pointless that you denied him death earlier?" Bella's face held a curiously haunted expression.

"NO! I still won't kill him. He will wake up sometime…he has to. I put my heart and soul into making him and helping him become strong. You're back now, he will wake up and everything will be better. It was worth it. Denying him death was worth it…" Carlisle turned his sad, agonized eyes to Bella, pleading her to agree with him.

She pressed her lips tightly together, her eyes becoming more and more troubled by Carlisle's words. "I'm supposed to help him? How? And even if I do find a way, you do realize nothing will be the way it was, right? _I'm_ not the same, _he_ won't be the same, _things _can't be the way they used to be, it's just not possible…"

"It doesn't matter. As long as we get Edward back, everything will be ok. And if you're with him, he _will _recover. And you can too. You will be part of our family again. We missed you Bella, when you died, you took both you and Edward with you to the grave. Now you're back, but Edward isn't, and we need your help to find and heal him. Only you can do it Bella. Forgive us, please, we need you." Alice pleaded, coming closer to Bella.

Bella leaned back slightly, as though she didn't want Alice to touch her. "What if I can't heal Edward? What if he's already gone too far? Am I still worth it, Alice? Or am I the reason you lost your brother, the villain of the family?" Bella's face contorted and she turned away, walking to the door. "There is nothing I can do. I'm sorry…"

"Wait! No, you can do something! It's ok if you can't heal him fully, we won't blame you, Bella. It's not your fault, it's not our fault, it's no one's fault. Please, stay…I miss my sister…" Alice tried to grab Bella's hand but Bella lithely twisted away from her.

"Give me time, Alice. I was wrong when I thought that becoming a vampire would solve all my problems. I'm not superman, I still need to heal. Give me time and I'll try to come back…" With that, Bella fled out the door, into the woods from which she had come and Alice broke down, crying.

Jasper immediately felt a surge of hate towards Bella for making Alice cry but when he went to go chase her, Alice grabbed his hands and pulled him to her. "Don't go. Leave her. Give her time. I hope she comes back…I hope…" Alice sobbed into Jasper's chest and he stood there, comforting her the best way he knew how: by silently holding her and obeying her orders.

**OMG! WAT HAPPENED TO BELLA? DO U HATE HER NOW? PLZ DON'T. GIVE HER TIME LIKE ALICE DID AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS. PLZ R&R ABOUT WAT U THINK. I ACCEPT FLAMES AND PLEAS TOO XD. **


	18. Chapter 18

**NEW CHAPTER! ENJOY**

**OK, AS USUAL, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

Three months passed before Bella finally came back. Alice had no vision of her, the family just heard a knock on the door and when they opened it, Bella was on the other side. She was dressed in black jeans with a black, long sleeved shirt, a black hoodie and on her wrist was a black bracelet. Everything she wore was plain black, no tags, no logos.

As soon as the Cullens opened the door, Bella let herself in. Alice was the first to step up to Bella. She looked at Bella with hopeful eyes and Bella's response was to take her by the hand and lead her up the stairs. "We are going to fix Edward, if it's the last thing I do." Bella's words came out and growls and her hand was wrapped tightly around Alice's.

Jasper could feel the mixture of fear and excitement rushing through Alice but Bella was still a void of nothingness to him. He felt a little scared too when he saw how Bella clutched Alice's hand but he told himself that if Alice trusted her, he would too.

The rest of the family followed the two girls as they went up stairs and stopped in front of the door to the room Edward was in. Taking a deep breath, Bella twisted the handle and strode right up to Edward's still body, letting go of Alice's hand in the process. When she reached him, her long, pale fingers gripped the sheet that covered his body and drew it back to his waist. Edward's torso was exposed to Bella and her hands drifted lightly over his skin, searching for something.

Suddenly, her hand stopped moving. It lay on his chest, near his heart. Turning slowly, Bella ripped her eyes away from Edward and looked at the Cullens instead. "Do you trust me?" Her voice was soft, so different from the previous time she had come here.

"Yes, I trust you, Bella." Alice responded first, without hesitation.

Bella nodded, her eyes giving Alice a silent thanks and then she turned to the rest of the family. She waited until they all nodded their heads in response before she turned around and leaned over Edward's body.

Jasper saw Carlisle moving closer to Bella, curiosity showing on his features. Slowly, Bella leaned down, her lips coming into contact with the spot on Edward's skin that she'd been searching for before. At first, Jasper thought she was kissing Edward, but as he watched closely, he saw her lips pull back from her teeth and her teeth sink into his skin. A sharp cry escaped from Carlisle's mouth and he moved to pull Bella off of Edward.

"What are you doing?" Carlisle hissed and reached to grip her shoulders.

Bella jumped back from Edward's body as she heard Carlisle's reaction. When his hands reached out to grab her, she nimbly dodged his grasp and responded. "I thought you trusted me…"

"I did, but I never thought you'd hurt Edward!" Carlisle spoke angrily.

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes. "I can't hurt him; he's in a vampire coma. And I bit him to see how much blood was in his body. Give me some credit, please."

"You could've just asked. And do you really need to know? Isn't it obvious that he doesn't have any blood in him? If he did, he'd still be trying to commit suicide right now." Emmett stepped forward, finding his place next to Carlisle. Jasper struggled to control Emmett's overly hostile behavior.

Bella's previously calm, determined eyes turned cold and distant, as they had been when she first met the Cullens. "Well, I realize that he lost a lot of blood but I can't know _exactly _how much by your descriptions. Besides, now that I know he has little to no blood in his body, I can safely say that his coma is not from psychological pressure alone."

Carlisle frowned, "did you get a medical degree in Texas, Bella?"

Bella let out a short, humorless laugh. "No, but I did my research while I was gone."

Jasper felt the surprise of everyone when Bella revealed what she had been doing while she was away. The whole family just thought that Bella had just run away but really, she actually did something. Jasper began to feel bad about mistrusting Bella now that she proved she had a logical reason for everything she did.

Apparently the shock showed on everyone's face and Bella let out a harsh, pained laugh. "What? You all thought I was just chilling on the beach for the last 3 months? Wow, you must really think low of me."

Jasper studied the drawn features on Bella's face. She had masked every emotion but after studying people's emotions for years, Jasper was able to see hurt deep inside her eyes. "Bella, what is your gift?" Jasper asked abruptly.

Everyone turned to Jasper, startled by his sudden, off-topic question. "I was wondering when you'd ask that." A small smile toyed on the edge of Bella's lips. "My gift is that no other gift affects me, and I can provide a shield for others as well. For example, your gift can't affect me, Jasper, but I can also make a shield on Alice so you can't read her emotions either."

"Impressive." Rosalie said in a bored tone.

Bella stared at her calmly and with a calculating expression. "Why do you always do that? It creeps me out. Ugh!" Rosalie suddenly threw her hands in the air.

Bella frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Rosalie gave her a cold look. "Oh, please. Stop acting all innocent. Whenever someone says something you don't like, you stare at them like a stalker."

Bella was silent for a moment and then she burst out laughing. "Oh, I never knew I was so creepy, sorry. Honestly, though, I never meant it. It's just out of habit that I study people."

"Why? What happened in Texas, Bella? You seem a lot like this one newborn I ran into back before I met Alice and he told me he was in a lot of vampire gangs and went through a lot of mental stress…" Jasper's eyes bore into Bella. The more he thought of it, the more it made sense. Bella was so messed up and closed in because she hadn't even had time to fully recover from being buried alive when she was thrown into a stressful, new, violent life.

Bella looked surprised that Jasper had drawn such conclusion. "Oh, nothing happened in Texas. It was just met some people who taught me how to take care of myself and studying facial expressions is one of the things I learned. So I'm kind of just…so used to practicing what I've been taught, you know?"

From his past experiences, Jasper could tell Bella was lying to him but she spoke so surely and confidently that he knew she had the whole family fooled. Jasper chose to keep his suspicions to himself and pretended to buy Bella's story.

Bella's eyes locked onto Jasper's and he knew that Bella could tell he saw through her story; but neither said anything further. "Well, I think we have talked enough. Let's go back to why I'm here and focus on Edward." Bella turned and let her fingertips drift across Edward's arises before turning back to the Cullens. "Ready?" She asked.

Most of the family members nodded tightly. "Alright, what we need to do first is give Edward some blood." Bella addressed them all but her eyes lingered in Carlisle's more than others to ensure she wasn't doing anything too dramatic or unusual. "To start off, we need 20 gallons of blood. We will need a lot more later on but I think that is enough to start out with."

"Should we get human blood for good measure?" Carlisle asked hesitantly. He didn't like the idea of human blood but he was willing to make some sacrifices for Edward's sake.

Bella frowned and paused to think. "Uh…no, I think that animal blood will be fine. I don't think this will be much of a problem but we don't want to get his body too used to human blood."

Carlisle nodded, relieved. "Ok, let's go get to it right now. I'm assuming we will start this process immediately?"

"Of course." Bella nodded.

"Wait…what do we do once we've given Edward blood?" Esme asked quietly. All eyes turned to Bella again.

"Then we give him more blood until he's all filled up and then we wait." Bella gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"That sounds so…simple…" Emmett frowned, expecting a more complex plan.

Bella laughed. "I know. I don't have a medical degree and I hardly know what I'm doing so we are going to the simplest plan possible. I'm quite sure it will work though."

"Ok, so once we start waiting, when will we stop? When he wakes up?" Alice asked hopefully.

"Oh, of course not. Edward's not going to wake up." Bella smiled cheerfully at Alice. The whole family gave her horrified looks at that comment. "But don't worry. He will move a little, like a twitch of a finger or flexing a muscle, and then we will know we have succeeded." Bella still had a confident smile on her face.

"That's so pointless! Our goal isn't to have Edward _twitch _it's to make him _wake up_!" Rosalie growled.

Bella's smile slid off and she became serious. "Well, the final outcome will hopefully be Edward waking up, but when he twitches, your work is done and mine starts." The same determined look came into Bella's eyes when she spoke.

Jasper couldn't help but wonder what Bella could do that they couldn't do to make Edward wake up but he didn't comment. He felt the family warm up to Bella as she told them her plan and gave them her calm, assuring smiles.

"Alright, ready to go hunting?" Bella asked and they all went to get large bottles and collect blood for Edward.

**SORRY, GUYS. THAT WAS A SUPPER CHOPPY CHAPTER BUT IM TRYING TO CRANK THINGS OUT AND ITS NOT WORKING THE WAY IT SHOULD. I'LL TRY HARDER NEXT TIME FOR SURE (AND IF THINGS GO ACCORDING TO PLAN, IT WILL BE JUICY) BUT PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT BELLA. I KNOW SHE SEEMS BIPOLAR AND HAS ISSUES BUT WE'LL GET TO ADRESSING THEM LATER. OK, PLZ R&R. **

**REVIEWS MAKE MY DAY. THANKS! :D**


	19. Chapter 19

**YEAY! FINNALLY NEW CHAPTER! SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE, BUT I MADE UP FOR EVERYTHING BY THIS SUPER LOOONNGG CHAPTER. ENJOY!**

**Disclamer: REALLY? I DON'T OWN ANYTHING, U NO THAT! (these characters would never have let me treat them like this)**

The Cullens had been following Bella's plan for three months and were now waiting for results. Everyone took places watching Edward every second of the day to see if he moved at all. The whole family was anxious, nervous, and impatient for something to happen. Everyone except Bella. Bella just sat in the chair and stared at Edward while she waited for her shift to be over. Her face was an emotionless mask and she never displayed any signs of anxiety or want for Edward to finally prove that he had come out of his coma.

After the first month, Carlisle had decided (with everyone's agreement) that it was ok for Edward to be moved back into his own room. Bella had suggested that they even play some of the music Edward liked, just for the heck of it; who knew, maybe it would help. Bella stayed at the Cullen's house for most of the time but on some nights, she would go away and come back after a full 24 hours or later. When anyone asked what she was doing, Bella simply said that she had business and avoided all other questions.

Over time, it seemed that Bella's trust in the Cullens grew a little and the Cullens, of course, warmed up to her immediately. She felt like a sister/daughter to them but Bella wasn't at keen to put them totally in her heart yet. She was still a little guarded when it came to some matters.

After feeding Edward for the third time in the week (they had gradually been cutting back on how much blood they gave him), Emmett flopped on the floor and sighed. "When will he move? We've been doing this for over 3 months now!"

"Patience, it's going to take a while." Bella replied calmly. She was sitting next to Edward's head, reading a book.

"How long? It's been foooorrreeevvveerr." Emmett groaned and covered his hands with his face.

"It's been just over 3 months, Emmett. This plan took me three months to come up with, if he woke up faster than it took me to come up with a way to wake him up, I'd be worried." Bella rolled her eyes.

Emmett made another pained noise and Bella laughed and shook her head and went back to reading her book. There was a peaceful silence in the room as they all speculated how long it would take for Edward to wake up and found ways to entertain themselves. Occasionally, Bella's hand would slip out of her lap and would stroke Edward's hair softly once before returning to its original position. Alice watched Bella curiously and tried to decipher her movements since her future was blank.

"Bella?" Alice asked quietly. Bella looked up and raised an eye brow in answer. "Please don't take offense but…do you love Edward?" Alice asked hesitantly.

Bella stared at Alice for a short time and an uneasy silence permeated through the air. Then, Bella's lips tilted into a soft smile. "Yes, Alice, I do. That's why I'm here."

"Well, you could have been here because you were guilty…" Alice's eyes widened slightly, wondering if she had finally crossed the line.

Bella laughed. "Oh, Alice. Don't worry. I don't feel guilty easily anymore. I came for Edward." Her hand then found its way back in Edward's hair again and stroked his hair lovingly.

After a while, Bella looked up and caught Jasper's eyes. "Wanna go outside and train?" Bella asked.

Jasper shrugged and got up, motioning for Bella to lead the way. Bella strode outside confidently while the whole family (except Carlisle and Esme) followed. While Bella had stayed with the Cullens, they had found out a lot about her. Bella had learned how to fight and she had a strange second gift that she hadn't told anyone about (not even the Cullens, they had to guess about her second gift). Bella's fighting skills were sharp and she could take on Jasper with moderate ease. When Bella wasn't watching Edward, she was either reading, fighting Jasper, or not home.

"Ready?" Bella moved to the center of the back yard and crouched into a fighting stance.

"Whenever you are." Jasper crouched too and flashed Bella an easy smile.

Bella smiled in return and then she suddenly lunged at Jasper. He twisted lithely to the side and attempted to tackle her. Bella rolled away and jumped on Jasper again. She landed on him neatly this time and grabbed his arms. Jasper's head snapped up in surprise and he ripped his arms out of Bella's grip. Bella let go of one and focused on keeping the other in control. Jasper's eyes gleamed as he saw a chance to get her. He twisted to the side and grasped the back of Bella's neck. It was Bella's turn to be surprised. Jasper flung her back but Bella expertly flipped in the air and landed on her feet before she could hit a tree. Bella circled Jasper, studying his moves carefully. Bella was a little stronger and she knew newer and improved moves, but Jasper's experience put them on equal grounds. Bella faked a lunge at Jasper's torso and then jumped over his head to attack him from behind. Just as she was about to grab Jasper, a shriek filled the air.

Everyone froze and Esme stuck her head out of Edward's window excitedly. "Edward moved!" She cried. The family fell into a frenzy as they all raced to get upstairs.

Everyone crowded around Edward's bed as if they expected him to be awake. They waited for a while and then he didn't move again, they became impatient. "Why isn't he moving? Are you sure u saw him move?" Rosalie asked haughtily.

"Yes, I am positive I saw him flex a muscle. Carlisle saw it too." Esme replied in an annoyed tone.

"So. What do we do now?" Jasper asked.

"Well, we make him move again to see if he is responsive and knows what is going on." Bella replied.

She moved away from the bed and when to the stereo system. Her fingers grazed the spines of all the CDs until she found the one she wanted. The family turned to watch as Bella inserted the CD into the stereo system and turn the volume on high. Then she turned, fixing her deep brown eyes on Edward's body and pressed play. Music blasted so loud that everyone could feel the sound waves pounding against their ear drums. Edward's muscles spasm at the loud music. When Bella was sure that Edward moved, she turned the radio off.

"Yup. He's good. He moved alright." Bella smiled and nodded to everyone.

"What if it was the sound waves that made him move? I mean that was pretty loud." Alice asked worriedly.

Bella sighed exasperatedly and then moved over to Edward's side. She picked up his right hand and held it with both of hers. "Are you all watching? If this doesn't convince you, I don't know what will." She took a deep breath and lightly scratched her nails against Edward's open palm. His finger's twitched and curled slightly.

Bella looked up and the Cullens and found them staring. "Convinced?" She asked.

"Yeah. Sure. What now?" Emmett asked.

Bella suddenly turned wary. "Well, you wait and watch me work my magic. And I take me a few day to get ready though." She gave them a weak smile and sat down on a chair.

"Your magic?" Esme frowned. "I didn't know you did magic."

Bella laughed lightly. "I don't do magic. I'm talking about my second gift, you all know of that?"

The Cullens nodded.

"How much do you know?" Bella asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Not much. Only that you have one and you have trouble controlling it when you feel like you are in danger." Jasper replied as the others looked at him in confusion. No one except Jasper knew about Bella's troubles with her gift.

"No, I don't have trouble controlling it. It's just the nature of the gift that I have. It's like yours. It just happens. My second gift is that I can go into what I like to call a dreamscape. It's the place in the mind where humans dream. For vampires, it is the place in their mind where they fantasize or excessively think about stuff or, in Edward's case, where they go when they are in a coma. For some people, it allows me to see the real them or how they feel inside. But that's only for some people. Anyway, I am able to go into that place and enter people's dreams or give them visions." Bella explained.

"What? You can enter into someone's mind? So, like, I don't know if my thoughts are mine because you could be in my head?" Emmett frowned and stepped away from Bella.

"Emmett. Be reasonable. How does this work, Bella? No one else has a second gift." Carlisle raised an eyebrow curiously.

"I think that I have two gifts because I was able to shield myself from gifts as a human and I also had such vivid dreams that it sort of makes sense that I should have my gifts revolve around them. And besides, I'm so messed up anyway that this just adds to the list. But as with everything, my second gift has a catch. I can only use it for a limited amount of time. While my shield is always there, no matter what, my second gift is only in my control if I have enough energy. The more blood I have in my body, the more energy I have, and the longer and more efficiently I am able to use my second gift. So, for example, if I haven't eaten for a month, I might be able to use my gift for only 15 minutes and give someone a hazy dream. But if I fed yesterday, I would be able to use my gift for a longer period of time, maybe 2 to 3 days, or until my body uses up all the blood and the dream would be crisp and clear. I'm usually quite weak after I use my second gift. For some odd reason, it just drains the blood out of me. I don't know why…" Bella's voice trailed off as she struggled to explain her gift.

"So, as long as you have the energy, you can just enter into people's minds and control their dreams and fantasies?" Emmett was still worried.

"No, no." Bella shook her head vigorously. "I can't control your fantasies. I can only add things to them. What you think is your own mind. I can show you images in your mind but you still have the control to interpret them however you want and if you are strong enough, you can change what I try to show you."

"I'm confused…" Poor Emmett tried to wrap his head around Bella's odd second gift.

Bella sighed, frustrated. "Ok, it's like this: when I was searching for you, I didn't know where you were so I tried to contact Edward with my mind. I sent him a vision of home and a family but his mind was so messed up that it twisted my vision into something totally different that I had no control of. So, before his 'dream' could go too far, I pulled out of his head. That's why I asked you if Edward had been acting unusual or told you anything. I wasn't sure what happened to him after I pulled out of his mind. I know that his dream ended but I don't know anything else." Bella's head dropped in her hands; she was thoroughly miserable.

"When was this? Edward didn't say anything. And why didn't you try to get in touch with the rest of us?" Carlisle asked gently but firmly.

Bella looked up, pure aggravation showed on her face. "I don't know! I still don't know! I wasn't thinking and this was a while ago, I don't remember exactly when. I've learned to use my gifts fairly well now but I've never done anything like what I'm going to do with Edward so I don't know!" She sighed and slumped back in her chair. "I'm sorry. This is new and unknown to me too. I'm going to do the best I can but I don't recommend that you hold your breath. There is a larger chance that instead of me helping Edward, I'll get messed up myself."

The Cullens exchanged worried glances. "That can happen?" Alice asked worriedly.

"Anything can happen. I don't know what will happen when I go into his head." Bella shrugged and closed her eyes, leaning her head back.

"But aren't you like…safe…in his head? I mean, if you get hurt in there, you'll still be fine when you return to your body right?" Emmett asked.

"Well, yes. Physically, nothing can harm me when I am in someone's mind, it's just a dream. But _mentally _something could happen. I mean, I'm not immune to Edward's mind. But it doesn't matter. Tomorrow, I will go and enter his mind and see what happens. If he wakes up, great. If I come out fine, ok. If I come out messed up…well, we'll see." Bella said in a concluding tone.

"Can't we do anything to help? Take any precautions?" Esme asked.

Bella snorted. "Nope. All I can do it drink enough blood so I can control when I get out of Edward's head. If I have to leave too early because I don't have enough energy, it will damage him mentally even more." She sighed and got up.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked, tilting her head to one side.

"I have to do something and then I am going to hunt and come back tomorrow morning." Bella's shoulders slumped as she went to the door.

"What do you have to do?" Jasper asked curiously. From her body posture, Jasper could tell that Bella didn't want to do whatever she was about to do.

Bella straightened and gave Jasper a steady look. "That is for me to know, and you to ponder about." With that, she quickly said goodbye and strode out the door.

The family exchanged looks. They still didn't fully understand Bella. Her unnatural change in moods threw everyone off balance and she usually didn't let anyone know what was bothering her or why she behaved the way she did. They hoped that once Edward woke up, Bella would get better as well.

*Next morning*

Bella returned early the next morning. Her deep brown eyes glowed, indicated that she had just fed well.

"Ready?" Esme asked nervously.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here." Bella responded calmly and sat in the chair next to Edward's bed. "Now, I'm going to start, please don't disturb me." She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the wall. After that, her body went as still as Edward's.

The Cullens watched Bella's frozen body with curiosity, fear, and amazement. "Bella?" Emmett asked after a full minute had passed by without Bella moving.

Bella gave no response. "Bella?! Can you hear me?" Emmett said a little louder, stepping closer. Still, Bella didn't even twitch. The family exchanged worried glances and Emmett stepped forward and grasped Bella's shoulders, shaking them. "BELLA! HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME?" He yelled in her ear.

Bella's suddenly snapped open and she looked at Emmett with a panicked look. "What? What happened?"

"You weren't moving! Could you hear us?" Carlisle asked.

Bella stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Is that the only reason you woke me up?" She asked. The Cullens nodded.

Bella snorted. "Wow. Of course I wasn't moving. I was in my dreamscape. And no, I can't hear when I am using this gift, but I can sense your emotions in _your _dreamscapes. So when I felt you all thoroughly panicking and "dreaming" of awful scenarios, I decided to check what was going on and that is why I'm awake. Now, _please _do not disturb me. I will wake up when I need to and unless the house is burning down or something else very drastic, _don't wake me up._" Bella gave them a stern look and fell back into her odd slumber.

The Cullens felt a little uneasy with Bella's gift, but since she was their only hope, they sat back and watched her and Edward to see who moved first.

BPOV

Bella sank back into her dreamscape for the second time. The Cullens were lucky Bella had woken up before she had entered Edward's dreamscape, or else something bad might have happened. Bella took a deep breath and steadied herself. She was going to go into Edward's head and fix him. There was no question about it.

Bella looked around her dreamscape. It was a beautiful meadow with a lake in the center. Tall trees surrounded the outer edge of the meadow and soft grass filled the inside. But though the meadow was beautiful, the sky was grey, casting a dull light onto the area, dimming all the refreshing brightness. Bella bit her lip and walked to the edge of the pond. She leaned over and peered at her reflection. The Bella that looked back was human, fragile, with heavy bags around her eyes and bruises all over her body. She looked beat up and miserable. A lone tear traveled down Bella's cheek and the dreamscape started to rain. Bella bit the inside of her cheek and shook herself to stop from crying. With one last look at her reflection, Bella reached out of her mind and slipped into Edward's.

When Bella entered Edward's dreamscape, she was welcomed by a bleak, dark atmosphere. In front of her was a large Victorian house that had once been beautiful and surrounded by flowers and trees and grass but was now old, broken and all the vegetation around it was dead. Bella hesitantly walked to the house, a feeling of depression sinking into her. When she reached the door, she touched the handle to turn it and the dull gold paint on the knob came crumbling off, revealing a desolate black metal. Bella bit her lip to keep back horrible feeling this place was giving her. _This is for Edward. Go through this for him, Bella. He deserves it. Your absence did this to him. _Bella told herself as she entered the house.

The sight before her was worse than what was outside. The home was covered in dust and most of the furniture was broken. No light was in the house except for one candle that stood right next to the only clean and colored object in the whole house: a picture of Bella. A sob rose in Bella's throat as she walked closer to analyze the picture. _Edward loved her. He __**loved **__Bella. _Bella turned away from the picture and walked down a dark hallway, trying to find Edward. There were many doors around her but when she tried to open them, she found them locked. Only one door was open. Bella hesitantly entered the room and was surprised at what she found. All around Bella were pictures of her. Some very old, from when Edward had first met Bella, to a couple that portrayed Bella as she lay dying. Bella grimaced as she saw those, imagining what seeing her like that had done to Edward. Then she backed out of the room. In an effort to find Edward, she wandered around the whole house. Everything was pretty much the same, bleak, depressing, dark, all other doors locked. Finally, Bella decided to go into the back yard.

When she came out, she found another barren landscape before her. But before she decided to turn around and go back to her own mind in defeat, her eyes rested on a small fire far away. Bella frowned and ran there, her footsteps silent. When she reached her destination, she gasped silently, clasping her hand over her mouth to hold back a cry.

Before Bella was a small figure near a fire. Edward. But everything was horribly wrong with him. He was old and fragile. Every inch of his body was marked with cuts, bruises, and burns. Deep red blood ran down his body and flooded the area around him. Bella moved her position to get a better look at him. When she saw his face, her heart crumbled in pain for him. Edward's cheeks were raw from the tears and blood that flowed down from his eyes. His lips were cracked and bloody and his hair was thin and matted with blood and chunks had been torn out from his scalp. The skin on his body was stretched too tight, making his bones protrude out of his skin. Edward's body shook with constant sobs and his chest was torn open. Broken ribs peeked out from the bloody mess of skin, muscle and veins. Edward's heart, a deep red, messy, pulpy muscle beat slowly, in a strained manner. It looked as if Edward had tried to tear it out of his body. Bella continued to survey Edward even though all she wanted to do was run away from him now. Although Edward had cuts on his whole body, the ones on his wrists were deeper; and his whole left arm, from wrist to elbow was torn apart. Red bone and strips of tendons, muscle, and fragile skin were all that remained.

As Bella watched Edward, his sobs slowed to whimpers and soft cries and his hands reached out to something before him on the ground. But before he could touch it, he pulled away; starting to cry hard again. Bella looked closely and saw a picture of her lying on the ground. It was the only thing in the whole area that wasn't bloody or dead.

Bella's heart reached out to Edward and before thinking, Bella transformed herself so that she was wearing a white dress and all the bruises on her body were gone, and then she ran to Edward. Before he could even notice, Bella flung her arms around him and pulled him into her chest. "Oh, Edward. My darling. My love…" She held him tight and cried into what was left of his hair.

Edward gasped and pulled back slightly to look at Bella. "Bella?" He whispered in a hoarse voice and reached out to touch her. But before his hand could reach her face, a drop of blood rolled down from his wrist and stained Bella's pale neck. He gasped and pulled away.

"Edward, no!" Bella clung to him, refusing to let her love go.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you." Edward sobbed and continued to try and pull away.

"It's ok, my love. It's ok, I forgive you. Stay with me, Edward. Please don't go." Bella begged as she struggled to keep Edward in her arms.

"No. I'm sorry. I'm dirty and messy. I'm staining your clothes. I'm…I'm…" Edward struggled to talk through his sobs. He crawled back, away from Bella, now wanting to get her clothes and skin ruined with his filth and gore. "I'm not worth you. You're an angel. I love you, Bella. I love you." Edward sobbed harder and the wound on his chest expanded.

"No. I love you. You deserve me. Listen to me, Edward." She moved towards him and cupped his raw, bloody cheeks in her pain hands. "I…love…you." Her eyes stared deep into Edward's and she leaned in to kiss him.

"No. I'm dirty. I'm messed up. You deserve so much better. How could you love me when I'm like this?" Edward indicated to himself and shook his head vigorously.

"NO! I want you. I _love _you. There is no one I want, no one else that could take care of me and love me the way you do. So what if you are messed up? I will fix you. I will heal this." Bella reached out a put a hand on Edward's chest, his bare heart pounded against her palm.

Edward turned his haunted, sorrowful eyes to her and the tears poured out at an inhuman rate. Bella's eyes flowed with tears too as she saw him. But she leaned forward anyway and placed her hands on his cheeks again, tilting his face slightly, and kissed his mouth. This kiss wasn't wonderful, it wasn't the kiss that every girl dreams about from her lover, but it was a kiss in which Bella promised to heal Edward. She promised to love him no matter how messed up and ugly he had become. And Edward return the kiss as best he could, letting Bella know that she could have him, that she could do whatever she wanted with him and he trusted her. He trusted her with his ruined, dilapidated, mutilated body. And Bella kissed Edward again and again, not caring whether he responded or not; she just wanted him to feel her love.

When Bella finally pulled away, Edward was wheezing, his torn up lungs unable to provide his body with enough air. Bella pulled Edward back into her, wrapping her arms around him as if to protect him and murmured words of love and promise to him while he struggled to breathe. When Edward was finally able to speak, he returned her words, telling her he loved her and apologizing for being so messed up and not saving her when she died.

At one point, Edward asked her if she was an angel. "No, my love. I'm not an angel. I'm just Bella, your Bella." Bella smiled and stroked the side of his face lovingly.

"How? Am I imagining all of this? Bella, please don't go. Please don't leave me here alone." Edward pulled back and begged. His fragile, bony hands clutched the hem of her dress and his eyes pleaded with her.

Bella wished that she could stay forever. She wished she could just remain here and heal Edward, but her body was running out of energy fast. She would have to go soon. "No, Edward. I'm real. And I'm going to stay for as long as I can but I'm going to have to go soon. I'll be back though. I _promise._" Bella took Edward's hands from her dress and kissed his palms.

"No, please, stay." Edward begged. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Please, please, please stay. I can't live, Bella, please, don't leave me here. It hurts…" He whimpered and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Oh, Edward…" Bella pulled him back into her but nothing she said would make him stop crying. The wounds on his body increased and bled and Bella could do nothing to stop it.

Too soon it was time for her to go. She kissed and caressed Edward as much as she could and then started to go. Edward begged her again to stay, he held on to her tightly afraid, she would disappear; but Bella had to go. Her body started to fade in his arms. "I promise I will be back, Edward. I promise my love. Hold on." But nothing could control Edward's cries. He wept uncontrollably as Bella disappeared.

*Jasper POV*

The family watched for 5 days and the only sign of life from Bella was the fact that the shadows beneath her eyes got darker and darker every moment and her body looked sicker by the day. By the 5th day, the shadows beneath her eyes were totally black.

"Should we wake her up?" Alice asked worriedly. Bella looked unusually pale and sickly even for a vampire.

"No. she will be mad again and if she is in Edward's head, it will damage both of them." Carlisle responded but from his emotions, it seemed that he wanted to wake her up too.

After 4 hours, a soft sob emitted from Bella's throat and she dropped out of the chair into a crumpled heap on the floor. Her body shook vigorously and quiet sobs burst through her mouth.

"Bella!" Esme and Alice cried and went over to wrap their arms around her.

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

Bella just shook her head and sobbed harder.

"Bella, I'll help you, I promise. Just open up for a minute, let me feel your emotions." Jasper squeezed Bella's shoulder and tilted her face to his. He couldn't help a shiver as he looked into her haunted, scarred eyes. Slowly, Bella opened up her emotions to Jasper and wave after wave of depression, sorrow, insecurity, and fear washed over Jasper, almost making him choke. But after years of dealing with the family and Edward's extreme emotions, Jasper had gotten better. After some difficulty, he managed to control Bella's emotions enough for her to drink the blood the Carlisle silently offered her.

Then she hesitantly go t up and walked to the window, throwing it open and leaning out.

"Bella, what happened? How is Edward?" Carlisle asked gently.

Bella shook her head as a small sob escaped her throat. "I need some time, please, just give me some time to sort everything out."

"Just tell us something about Edward, and then we will let you go, promise." Rosalie said softly with uncharacteristic kindness.

"No, just, give me some time. I promise I will come back. But please, I need a break right now." Bella drew a shaky breath and struggled to keep in more sobs.

"Ok, go. But come back to us soon. We will help any way we can, ok?" Jasper stepped forward and gave Bella a hug while sending a wave of calmness and care.

"Thank you." Bella whispered and threw herself out of the window. The family watched as she landed neatly on her feet and walked away with hunched shoulders and her arms wrapped around her chest.

**OK, IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT BELLA GIFT (WHICH U PROB DO) PLZ TELL ME AND I WILL TRY TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS EITHER IN THE STORY OR IN A SEPARATE CHAPTER THAT JUST EXPLAINS BELLA'S GIFT. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR QUESTIONS. I KNOW HER GIFT ISN'T THAT CLEAR BUT IM NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO EXPLAIN SO PEASE TELL ME. **

**ALSO, I'M PLANNING TO CHANGE THIS STORY TO RATED "M" FOR GRAPHIC SCENSE AND MAYBe A VAGUE LEMON, IM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT THO. IF ANYONE FEELS UNCOMFERTIBLE WITH THE CHANGE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. THANKS.**

**PLZ REVIEW! I THINK I DESERVE SOME LOVE AFTER SUCH A LONG CHAPPY. *HINT HINT* **


	20. Chapter 20

**OK, HERE IT IS. FINALLY. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. I HAVE MY EXCUSES BUT YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE. XD**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

Bella returned to the Cullens two weeks later. As soon as they opened the door to let her in, she asked. "Did you know?" Her voice dripped with sorrow.

"Know what?" Alice asked confused.

"Know that Charlie is dead and Jacob is gone?" Bella's eyes were black and held a haunted look. They reminded Jasper of Edward's eyes.

The family gasped. "Goodness, no! Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry!" Esme gushed, her soft brown eyes wide. She tried to hug Bella but Bella nimbly stepped out of the way

Bella still didn't let anyone touch her unless she was training with Jasper. Jasper wondered what had happened to her while she was gone.

Bella sighed and walked to the couch, settling her head in her hands. "I have no one left." She murmured softly, sadly.

"That's not true. You still have us." Jasper said comfortingly.

Bella gave no reply.

"How did you find out?" Carlisle asked gently, edging closer.

Bella laughed humorlessly. "I went home. No one was there. It smelled like no one had been there for a long time. I went to the library and did some research and found out that Charlie had passed away from depression caused illnesses." Bella took a deep breath and her hands curled up into fists.

"And Jacob?" Alice asked quietly.

"I went to Charlie's grave to say bye…and I was just sitting there, looking at his grave, next to my empty one and another girl came and stood behind me. I turned around and asked her if I was in her way and she said she just wanted to place flowers of Charlie's grave; and she would leave soon so I could have my privacy but I asked her to stay. I didn't remember her so I asked her who she was. She told me her name was Teresa Black. I asked her if she was related to Jacob and she told me she used to be married to him. I asked her what had happened and she started crying. She told me he had died…he'd died hunting my kind. She was pretty; I can see why Jacob imprinted on her. And she knew who I was. She knew I was a vampire and she knew I was Isabella Swan. But she didn't say anything. She didn't blame me for Jacob's death…" Bella ended in a whisper.

"It's not your fault though. You shouldn't blame yourself-" Emmett started.

"But she didn't know that. She didn't know that Jacob was so keen on hunting vampires because of me. What we went through influenced why he worked so hard." She sighed again and ran her hands through her hair in a very Edward-ish manner. "I've got no reason to live, now. Great."

"Hey! Didn't you promise to get Edward back?" Rosalie demanded.

"Yes, and you still have Renee." Alice said hopefully.

Bella snorted. "Renee. I hope she falls and breaks her leg. She's so useless. She already ruined my childhood and now she doesn't even care that I'm dead. I wonder if I was the product of Charlie and an affair and Renee just took me because I looked cute and she wanted to get back at Charlie. It would make a lot more sense than anything else I can come up with." Bella's eyes filled with hatred.

"Why? What do you mean? You used to love Renee…" Esme frowned.

"Only because I was stupid. I was lonely once and I decided to visit Renee in a dream. I thought that maybe she would cheer me up and we could re-live some happy times, but no. She told me she had twins with Phil now and she had gotten over me so I should stop visiting her in her dreams. And she said it all with a smile, as though I should be happy that she doesn't care about me anymore because she has other children." Bella spoke through her teeth.

The whole family exchanged looks. They were all thinking along the same lines. Bella's life sucked, but if she didn't control herself soon, she could snap and who knows what would happen then. "Well, that still leaves Edward. Don't tell me you've given up on him too." Rosalie said boldly.

"If you saw what I've seen. You would have put your hands down and just backed off." Bella placed her head in her hands and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I wish I could give up; but I promised him I'd be back. I just don't know how to help! I don't know what to do!" Bella threw her hands up in the air in a frustrated manner.

"Well, what was your plan before?" Carlisle asked, hoping to formulate a plan based off of Bella's previous one.

"I don't know. I just kind of thought that I could go in and tell Edward to go back to his body and it would all be great, but now I know just how stupid I was." Bella said helplessly.

Everyone's hearts fell as they heard Bella. No one knew what to do so they sat there helplessly, trying to think of something. Bella was obviously the first to come up with an idea. "Ok, I don't know whether this will work or not but I need to go into someone's head and just see what's going on."

"What do you mean, 'see what's going on'?" Emmett asked cautiously.

"I mean that I need to see what the barrier between consciousness and unconsciousness is within a person's mind. I'm hoping I can get an idea from someone else's head and apply the same concept to Edward and figure something out." Bella explained.

"Ah. That's a good idea. But can't you tell from your own mind? And how will you find out from someone else's mind?" Carlisle questioned, his eyes alight with curiosity and hope.

"I can't find out from my own because if I'm conscious, I'm not in my dreamscape, but I can be in someone else's dreamscape while they are conscious. As for finding out when the person becomes conscious, we will count the seconds. You can count them from when the person goes to sleep until they wake up and I will count from when I go into a person's mind until I think they have woken up. And we will compare the times when I wake up and go from there." Bella replied, rubbing her temples as if she had a headache.

"Ok, that sounds good." Carlisle nodded in approval.

"I'll be your guinea pig." Alice volunteered.

"Thank you." Bella nodded. "Lay back on the couch and close your eyes. You're going to feel a tug in your mind. Don't fight it, just relax, it just me going into your mind and taking you with me."

"Ok." Alice did as she was told and Bella also leaned back, closed her eyes and they both fell asleep.

*Alice's Dreamscape*

Bella found herself in the parking lot of a _huge _mall with Alice next to her. In one part of her mind, she started counting the seconds as she began to explore. Bella and Alice walked around the exterior of the mall and found hundreds of stores. All of them were full of clothes that Alice would like but most of them were at outrageous prices. There were no sales what so ever. Bella tried to enter the mall but she found that the doors to the store wouldn't open for her.

"Alice, can you open these doors?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Why?" Alice asked, easily pulling the door open.

Bella attempted to step inside the store but an invisible barrier stopped her at the doorway. "I think this is the door to your consciousness." Bella replied. "Try going in and then coming out."

Alice shrugged. "Ok." She said and went it. But she never came out.

Bella mentally stopped counting. She was right. The doors to the mall were the doors to Alice's consciousness. Now she just had to find the doors to Edward's consciousness. She returned to her own body, satisfied.

*Back in Reality*

Bella sat up to find the whole family looking at her. Before she could say anything, however, Alice blurted out. "I'm sorry! I couldn't come out of the mall. I tried to but I just woke up!"

Everyone looked at Alice like she was crazy but Bella smiled. "I know. I'm glad. My theory was proven correct. Now let's compare times. How many seconds Carlisle?" Bella asked.

"56." Carlisle replied.

"I got 53. But that makes sense because I started counting when I got into Alice's mind and you started when Alice first fell asleep." Bella nodded. "Now I just have to start on Edward…"

"Do you know where his door is?" Alice asked.

"I'm not sure but I think I have an idea. I'm going to start now, so wish me luck." Bella said, her mood unusually optimistic.

"Now? Don't you have to get ready first?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, I should. But I want to start now." Bella headed up to Edward's room.

The family started after her. "But what do we do if you don't wake up?" Jasper asked.

"If I don't wake up in two days, then feed me because I'll have run out of energy." Bella replied, settling into the chair next to Edward's bed. "Good night." And she was gone.

**SORRY. I KNOW THAT WAS SHORT AND NOT MUCH BUT I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME AND I HAD TO CRANK THIS OUT CUZ I'M GOING ON VACATION FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME AND REVIEW! THANKS! NEXT CHAPTER IS EDWARD AGAIN. **


	21. Chapter 21

**A NEW CHAPTER. FINNALLY!! I HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT, ITS NICE AND LONG. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

Bella slipped into Edward's mind. She ran to the house and the door swung open at her touch. She frowned and turned around. If this was Edward's link to his consciousness, Bella shouldn't be able to enter it. Not easily at least. Bella grimaced and returned to her body.

"Back already?" Carlisle asked in surprise. The family was still crowded around Bella.

"Ok, I need to know something." Bella blurted out, not bothering to answer Carlisle's question. "In approximately…uh…10 seconds after I sleep, watch Edward closely to see if anything happens."

"Anything happens? What should happen?" Alice asked.

"I don't know. But see if he breathes or his eyeballs move behind his eyelids or…I don't know. He just moves a little. Ok?" Bella asked. She spoke so fast that everyone had to pay close attention to catch her words.

"Ok. But what's the hurry?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know. I just feel like I should move quickly. Besides, the longer I stall, the faster my energy runs out." Bella settled back into the chair and closed her eyes. "Now, watch Edward please."

Bella slipped quickly from her mind into Edward's and raced to the house. Again, it opened easily to her touch. She ran around the house, trying to force open the rooms to the doors only to find them jammed shut. She came upon the room with memories of her and that was closed too. Bella wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean but she could bet it wasn't good.

Once she had checked all the rooms, Bella reentered her body. "What did you see? Did anything happen?" Bella asked anxiously.

"What were you trying to do?" Jasper asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Just tell me what happened. I don't have time." Bella responded hastily. She turned to Carlisle, hoping he would answer her instead of asking questions.

"5 seconds after you fell asleep, Edward started breathing shallowly. At 7 seconds, his eyelid twitched once. At 9 seconds it twitched once again. And at 12 seconds, it twitched 3 more times. You came back in 14 seconds." Carlisle reported.

Bella cursed. She had been so wrapped up in opening Edward's doors and hurrying, she had forgotten to count. "Sorry, I went too fast. But thank you. I'll figure it out." Bella began to close her eyes again.

"Why don't you just hunt, you will have more energy then." Jasper suggested.

"No time." Bella mumbled, and then her body went limp.

"I think she's finally lost it." Emmet said in awe. Everyone nodded; none of them could understand why Bella was in such a hurry. In truth, Bella didn't know either; she just felt something inside her forcing her to move faster.

*Edward's Dreamscape*

Bella cursed herself over and over for her own foolishness. Why hadn't she counted? Why hadn't she planned better? She had been so wrapped up in her own ruined life and hurrying up that she had forgotten about Edward. Now she was trying to save him when she only had half of her original energy left.

Bella ran around Edward's dreamscape, trying to find him. While she searched, she thought about what Carlisle had told her. When she had entered Edward's body, he had started breathing. That meant that the house was the door to his subconsciousness. And the locked doors in the house must be his gate to his consciousness and body. Bella sighed. Now she had to find Edward and get him to go into his house and open the doors. Something told her it wasn't going to be easy. And from her experience with Alice, Bella didn't think she could be in the house with Edward; that would cause even more problems.

Bella circled the house 5 times and she still couldn't find Edward. She growled in frustration. He _had _to be here somewhere. Bella sighed and calmed herself, getting frustrated would get her nowhere. She carefully made 20 duplications of herself and sent them out to find Edward. That way, she could cover ground faster. After about 40 seconds of searching, one of the duplicated Bellas found Edward. The real Bella joined the fake Bella and got rid of all the other fake Bellas to avoid confusion.

Bella gasped as she looked at Edward. He was twice as far away from his house as he had been the last time she had come. That meant it would be harder to get Edward home. But what was worse was that Edward was just laying there. He lay in a puddle of blood and his face was down so it looked like he was suffocating in it. There was no fire near him now, it was all dark. And from what Bella could see, the picture of her had disappeared too.

Bella wanted to approach Edward slowly and quietly but when she took her first step, she found herself right beside him. Without thinking, she scooped him up in her arms. "Edward, darling. What happened?" She asked, cradling him.

"Bella." Edward whimpered. His voice was so quiet Bella could hardly hear it. He tried to move so he could look at her but he didn't have enough energy. His limbs just trembled until Bella helped him.

She turned his head gently so he could look at her but his eyes didn't focus on her face when she turned him to her. "I'm here, love." She murmured. Her heart breaking as she realized he was blind.

A light film covered his eyes and Edward looked around frantically, trying to see her. "Where? Where?" His body trembled and he sobbed harder.

Bella could stop her own tears from falling. "Here love, here." She took his hand and placed his on her cheek. "I'm here, next to you. Look at me." She passed her fingertips over his eyelids and under his irises. "Heal, Edward. Look at me, please." She begged. Her own tears mingled with his as she wept over him.

Edward's fingers trembled violently as they passed over Bella's skin. "Here." He repeated. His voice was scratchy and hoarse, like he hadn't had anything to drink in years.

"I said I would come back, Edward. What happened? Didn't you believe me?" Bella asked softly. She stroked his cheek. "My love. I'm here. Heal. Come back to me." Bella begged quietly as she pressed him closer against him.

"I thought you would never come. I waited for so long…" Edward whimpered and turned his head away from her.

Bella felt horrible. She wanted to beat herself up for being so neglectful of Edward. "I'm sorry, love. But I'm here now. I promise. I _will _help. I'm here for you." She promised, gently turning Edward's head towards her again.

"You promise?" Edward asked helplessly. "How long will you stay? Please…please…please don't leave me." A new wave of tears trailed down his face and his hand dropped from her cheek.

Bella tried to say something but no words would come out of her mouth. "Love, I will be here as long as you need me. As long as you want me." She finally said. Bella hated to lie to Edward but she couldn't seem to find any other way to help him.

"You promise? You won't leave again?" Edward asked again childishly.

"Yes. I promise. Now, get up. We are going to start healing you." Bella lifted Edward's upper body into a sitting position. She didn't want to force him into doing anything but she didn't have much of a choice. Her energy was draining fast and she needed to get him well on the road to recovery before she left.

"I can't move." Edward whimpered. His whole body shook with the effort.

Bella tried to pick Edward up and move him back home but she felt a barrier blocking her path. "Edward, darling, you must move. You have to get home." She coaxed gently. She put him down and moved so that she was in front of him. "Come to me." She murmured.

"I can't." He moaned.

"Crawl. Take one step. Please Edward, for me." Bella pleaded. She hoped that she could get Edward to follow her to the house but it didn't seem to be working so far.

Edward moved his hand forward to crawl but ended up collapsing instead. Bella closed her eyes and tried to think of a way to help. She felt herself getting frustrated. It wasn't Edward's fault that he was so weak but Bella didn't have enough time and she needed to help.

"Sorry." Edward whispered. He hated not being able to do what Bella said. But his body wouldn't cooperate.

"Don't worry." Bella replied, giving Edward a small smile. "Here." She put her hands beneath him, supporting his weight on her arms so he was in crawling position but didn't need to hold his weight. "Now try."

"Ok." Edward hesitantly moved his arm and his body started to crumple again.

"Don't worry. I have you. Keep going." Bella instructed soothingly, holding him up.

Edward moved his other arm and then his legs, moving one inch closer to the house. He felt exhausted. Some strong force seemed to pull him back and his body couldn't move properly. Edward wanted to give up. "Bella…I…can't." He gasped.

"You can." Bella said through her teeth. Holding Edward up wasn't as easy as it looked. Whatever force holding Edward back had an effect on Bella too.

Bella kept urging Edward on and he continued for about 2 feet until he hit a wall. "I can't go forward." He gasped. His mutilated body shook with every breath he took and his limbs shivered violently with fatigue.

"Yes, you can. You've made it so far. Don't give up on me now." Bella panted, still holding Edward up.

"No. there is a barrier, Bella. I can't cross." Edward insisted.

Bella moaned. Why, oh why did this have to happen now? "Ok, I think you have to cross by yourself, Edward. The barrier means that I can't do this with you anymore." Bella explained. She wasn't sure that's what the barrier meant but from what she knew, it made sense.

Edward panicked. "No! I can't go on without you, Bella!" He cried. Edward thought that Bella was going to disappear again and he started to slide back.

Bella screamed and placed herself behind Edward, refusing to let all that hard work go to waste. "No." She panted. "I'm…not…leaving…" She tried to push him forward but he wouldn't budge. "I…just…can't…help…you…go…any…further." She struggled to keep Edward from sliding back.

"But why? I need help. I can't do this myself!" Edward cried. "I need help. Please Bella!"

"Edward. Hold on! Don't slide back, love. Form a rock and hold on to it. I will help you. Promise. Please!" Bella pleaded.

"How? How do I form a rock?" Edward asked. "I can't do it. I'm helpless." Edward stopped trying and burst into tears.

Bella's hold on Edward suddenly slipped and Edward slid back to his starting place and sobbed there. Bella felt like ripping her hair out. She had worked so hard! Bella tapped into herself and found her energy level getting lower at a dangerous rate. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth. She needed to do something, fast.

Bella tried to think of all the ways to get Edward to start moving. She had tried everything nice. She had tried to do it for him, help him, coax him. The only thing she could think of was using force. Bella hated to hurt people but she couldn't think of another way. She could only hope that once Edward was awake, she would be able to repair all the damage she caused.

Bella walked over to Edward again. "I will help you get to that barrier again. Then you will form a rock in front of you and hold on to it when you feel yourself going back. You will keep holding on until you are able to move forward. You _will _get to the barrier again and you _will not _slide back. Understand?" Bella made her voice hard and her expression unsympathetic.

Edward whimpered, cowering back slightly. He was scared of her, Bella could see that. And she hated it. She wanted to help him, not frighten him. It took everything Bella had not to gather Edward up in her arms and apologize over and over. "But…but…what if I'm not strong enough?" Edward asked brokenly, the wounds on his body ripping open further.

"You will be. Or else I will leave." Bella said coldly, harshly.

Edward choked and started sobbing harder. "No…no…please. Don't leave me. I…cant…please. I swear…I'll do anything!" He begged and sobbed.

Bella nearly broke down again but managed to get herself under control. "Edward, love." Her voice softened a little. "I will be here to help you. You just need to help _me _help _you. _Ok? Do what I tell you to do and you will be fine. I will be with you forever. I _promise._" She knelt down and rubbed Edward's hunched back.

Edward looked up at her with wide eyes. Bella could see the trust, desperation, and anguish deep in his eyes. It hurt her to know she could abuse him as much as she wanted and he would still love her. Bella wanted to look away from his pathetic gaze but she forced herself to be firm. "Come, love. The sooner we start, the sooner we will finish." She kissed his lips lightly once and moved in front of him.

Edward's body was still weak but the fear from Bella's threat made him move. They made good progress until Edward hit the barrier again. Then he panicked, forgetting everything Bella had told him. "Bella!" He cried.

"Make a rock, hold on to it." She told him calmly.

Again he replied. "I can't I'm not strong enough."

Bella's eyes turned frosty. "You _will. _Or I will leave." She started to move away.

"No!" Edward screamed and in front of him, a rock appeared. Edward grabbed on to it in an attempt to stop himself from sliding back. But the rock was smooth and round and the blood on Edward's hands made it slippery. "Bella!" He cried out again.

"Make the rock jagged. It will be easier to hold on to." Bella instructed unemotionally.

Edward did as Bella said and the rock turned uneven. As Edward fought against the force trying to drag him back, the rock bit into his fingers, cutting his skin and flesh. Eventually, the force died away and Edward was left panting and clutching the rock. He sobbed and let his arms rest until Bella came near him again.

"Good job." She murmured quietly. Her fingertips touched Edward's cheek lightly and she smiled. Edward thought she looked like an angel. So perfect, so beautiful. He longed for her touch and happiness.

"Now, move forward. I'm right in front of you, Edward. Come to me." Bella murmured. Her steady voice cut through Edward's feelings.

Edward tried to move forward but he couldn't. The barrier was just too strong. "Bella…I cant." He whispered again. He hated being weak in front of her, she was so strong. He was so pathetic, he knew it. Edward bowed his head in shame and suddenly, the ground beneath his started moving back. Edward looked around, scared and bewildered. He grabbed the rock, trying to prevent himself from moving back, but the rock simply slid back with him. Edward looked up at Bella in panic and saw a surprised look flash across her face before her expression turned grim.

"Let go of the rock, Edward." She commanded.

"But I'll slip back!" Edward cried.

"Let go and come to me." Bella commanded.

"But the barrier!" Edward insisted.

Bella's face closed. "I don't think you took my threat seriously, Edward. I can't help you if you don't listen to me. And if you don't want my help, there is no point in me being here." Bella's eyes bore into Edward's.

Edward watched in horror and anguish as Bella started to fade. "No, please! I'll do anything. I swear! Please!" Edward begged. He let go of the rock and crawled toward Bella.

Bella stopped fading but at this point, only her outline was left. "Can you see me, Edward?" She asked coolly.

"I…I...could…a little. But…now I can't. Are you here, Bella? Please, please…" Edward whimpered.

"I'm here. I promise. The closer you get to me, the more you will see me. And when we get to our destination, I promise I will make you very happy. Do you trust me, Edward?" Her voice danced in Edward's ear.

He trembled but still continued moving forward, leaving a trail of blood behind him. "Yes. Yes, Bella." He whispered brokenly.

"Good." She purred, but Edward still couldn't see her. "I'll send you my scent until you can see me, to prove that I am still here. Listen to what I tell you to do, Edward; or else I will have to go away." Bella's voice sounded oddly detached.

Edward's heart tore more as he listened to Bella's uncaring speech. "Yes, Bella." He murmured, trying to hold himself together. As Edward took another step, he felt his body start to tire. His arms shook beneath his weight and his legs dragged when he moved them. Edward was sure he couldn't go on any longer but he was afraid to tell Bella for fear that she would go away. When it became almost too hard to move, Bella scent surrounded Edward. He inhaled greedily and would have just sat there smelling the air had Bella not spoken.

"Good, my Edward. You are doing so well. A little more. Look up as you move, I'm getting clearer." Her voice seemed to purr in his ear.

Edward's head whipped up and he gasped. He had been blind when she first came to him, and when she helped him the first time, his eyesight had gotten a little better. But then she had faded again. And now he could see her better than before. She was still blurry and far away but he could see her perfection. He couldn't help but gawk.

Bella smiled, her features softening. "Darling, move. We still have more to go. And you're getting closer. Come to me." She held out her hands.

Edward felt a warmth spread to him as she indicated for him to come to her. She wanted him. He felt some energy drift back into his body and he carefully stood up, running and stumbling to her; trying to get closer.

Bella smiled and kept her hands outstretched. "Good. A little more. You're doing wonderfully, love." Bella constantly coaxed Edward.

As Edward looked at Bella, she seemed to be moving farther away instead of closer. He pushed himself harder, falling and hurting himself more every time he hit the ground. But the need to get close to her overrode any sense of self he had. Over time, Bella seemed to stop moving back and Edward felt himself getting closer. He felt a rare sense of happiness as he came closer and closer and the light golden light of dawn shone on Edward's landscape.

When he finally got to Bella, she enveloped him in her arms and smiled. "You're amazing, love. Thank you." She cradled his face softly and kissed him.

Edward felt himself melt under her kiss. His wounds started to heal around the edges. "This is it? We are done?" He asked hopefully.

"Almost." Bella smiled. "Just a little more. Come with me." She held his hand and gestured behind her.

Edward eyes traveled to where she was pointing and his face froze. "I can't go in there." He shivered, a dark, sorrowful expression coming across his face.

"Why not? It's your home, Edward. It's where you belong." Bella said softly. She tried to pull him close to it but she obviously couldn't.

"No. It hurts to go in there. I can't. I'm not strong enough." Edward's eyes turned haunted and his healing wounds ripped open farther.

"You can. You must." Bella begged. She couldn't force him at this point, she didn't have the power.

He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Bella sighed and hung her head. "Ok, than can you please take me to the doorstep. I want to see it up close." She gazed at him innocently.

"Please don't torture me this way." Edward pleaded.

Bella just stared at him silently. Edward swallowed heavily, tears sliding down cheeks. "For you." He said softly. He grabbed her hand and led to towards the house. Every step was slow and pained. Bruises began to paint themselves on every inch of skin that wasn't covered in wounds already.

It pained Bella to see Edward like that but she _needed _to get him to the house. When they finally got to the doorstep, neither said a word. Bella took a moment to tap back into herself and realized with a shock that she had used way too much energy. In fact, she didn't even have enough energy to get back to her own body. Bella's mind went into overdrive. She needed to get Edward in the house before her energy finally ran out.

"Edward…" Bella broke the silence hesitantly. "I need you to do something for me. One last thing…"

"You want me to go back in there." Edward replied quietly. He looked disturbed.

"Yes, you have to." She whispered, clutching his hands in both of her own. "Just go back in and open all the doors."

"It's not that easy." Edward looked down at his hands, tears laced his blood dropped down on them. "You want me to come back into consciousness. I don't want to, Bella. You don't understand." Edward's voice was pleading now.

"Please. Just try." Bella pleaded back.

"No. I'll lose you. And then I'll be alone again. I'll go insane. Bella, you have no idea…" His voice broke and the wound on his arm and heart ripped open further.

Bella wanted to let him stop but she needed to get Edward back. "Love, let me make you a deal: go in there, open all the doors and come into consciousness _one last time. _I _swear _on everything that is dear to me and you that the _first _thing you smell with be my scent. The first thing you hear will be my voice. The first thing you taste will be my lips. The first thing you feel will be my skin. And the first thing you see when you open those beautiful eyes will be me." She leaned closer to Edward, her expression fierce.

"You swear?" Edward asked quietly. He didn't want to go crazy anymore. He just wanted everything to end.

"I swear. And I also swear I will help fix you. We _will _be together forever. We _belong _together." Bella murmured.

Edward bit his lip and swallowed hard. "And if you can't? If you don't? If I wake up alone?"

Bella hated seeing Edward like this and she silently vowed to heal him to herself. "Then I will kill you. I'll come back and end it." It hurt Bella to say it but she knew she had to.

"You promise?" Edward asked again.

Bella nodded solemnly. A small, sad smile graced Edward's face. "I'll hold you to it, my love." He brought his hands up to cradle her face. Tears fell down his cheeks and Bella leaned forward and kissed Edward one last time.

"Goodbye." Bella whispered.

"Bella..." Edward kissed her hands and then took a deep breath and finally went inside.

The door closed behind Edward and Bella breathed out a sigh of relief. Her job was finally. Suddenly, Bella felt her body crumple and she was back in her own dreamscape. She was exhausted. Bella desperately tried to get to her body but she didn't have enough energy. She could only hope that one of the Cullen's would realize she didn't have energy and give her some blood. They were her only hope now.

Carlisle POV

The whole family took turns watching Edward and Bella for the next four days. Neither of them moved. On the morning of the fifth day, Carlisle could tell something was wrong. "We should start giving her blood." He told the rest of the family.

"Yeah, she told us two days and it's been five…" Jasper said uneasily. "Do you think she and Edward are ok?"

No one responded.

"Ok, well. Let's start feeding Bella." Carlisle finally broke the silence.

The family started to pour blood down Bella's throat the way she had taught them to do with Edward. Now they could only hope and wait to see what had happened.

**OK, I REALIZE EDWARD'S A LITTLE OOC IN THIS CHAPTER AND IM VERY SORRY. THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU WAIT ANY LONGER SO PLZ BEAR WITH ME. NEXT CHAPTER IS **_**BIG**_**. TELL ME IF YOU LIKED THIS ONE. PLZ, REVIEW! THX. **


	22. Chapter 22

**WOOHOO! NEW CHAPTER!! ENJOY:**

**DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

After feeding Bella, the Cullens waited anxiously for her to wake up. They all feared that she had gone into a coma like Edward and would not return; but Carlisle was the most anxious. He couldn't believe he had ignored Bella's orders; and if he lost her now, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

To everyone's surprise, Bella came back into consciousness after only 20 minutes. She gasped and shot up straight in her chair. Before anyone could say anything she said. "Edward!"

"He's fine. Are you ok? I'm sorry-" Carlisle started but Bella interrupted him.

"Is he awake? Is he moving?" She asked anxiously and flew over to Edward's side, inspecting him by herself. After making sure he wasn't awake, she sighed gratefully and sank to the ground. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" She said with an exhausted yet triumphant voice.

"What?" Emmett asked. He was so confused. "Are you happy Edward isn't awake?"

"Yes." Bella smiled at him. "I woke up in time. Thank you, all." She beamed.

"But…isn't your goal to wake _him_ up?" Rosalie asked incredulously.

"Yup." Bella grinned. "He's going to wake up. I think-no-I'm pretty sure. But I just needed to be awake before he was, and I am. So it's all _very _good."

Jasper had never seen Bella so elated before. Not even when she was a human. "Why did you need to wake up before Edward?" He asked curiously.

Bella's face lost some of its joy. "I promised him that I would be the first thing he saw or else I would kill him myself. That was the only way I could get him to agree to come back into consciousness." She said seriously.

"You…you said…you said you would kill him?" Esme stuttered with a horrified expression.

"Yes. But only if I wasn't the first thing he saw when he woke up. But I _will _be since I am awake now so there is nothing to worry about." Bella sent Esme a reassuring smile.

The family still felt a little uncomfortable with Bella's promise but after seeing her confident and happy expression, they couldn't help but feel hopeful and happy themselves.

"So…what now?" Alice finally asked.

"We wait." Bella was still smiling.

"We've had to wait a lot lately." Emmett frowned. "I'm going to get back at Edward for this one day."

Bella laughed. "You're going to have to wait a while. You can only beat him up when I give you permission or else I will come after you myself." She grinned.

"If I wait for you, I'll never get the chance." Emmett snorted. "But I'd like to see what you could do to me anyway." He smirked.

"Oh, you doubt my abilities?" Bella asked with mock anger. She got up and started stalking toward Emmett with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, shouldn't you stay here so you can fulfill your promise to Edward?" Esme asked hesitantly as Bella started to chase Emmett out of the room.

Bella stopped and a thoughtful look passed through her features. "Yes, that would be very wise." She said slowly. Then she turned to Alice. "Can you do me a favor?" She asked.

"Uh…depends on the favor, I suppose." Alice frowned slightly.

Bella laughed. "Don't look so scared. I'm not going to tell you to jump off the Grand Canyon or anything. I need you to look into the future."

"Oh, why didn't you just say so?" Alice asked, a relieved smile spreading on her face. "But you do know that I can't use my gift around you, right?" She asked.

"Oh, yes. I know. I'm going to lower my shield and if you could try to see when Edward is going to wake up, I would very much appreciate it." Bella replied calmly.

"Alright." Alice grinned. "Are you ready?"

"You'll know when I'm ready." Bella responded and closed her eyes. She rubbed her temples and grimaced as she tried to remove her mental shield.

All of a sudden, visions overran Alice. She cried out and fell to the ground. Jasper caught her and tried to calm her as Bella's shield snapped back into place. "I'm sorry! Are you ok?" Bella asked anxiously.

To everyone's surprise, Alice looked up and beamed. "Yes. I'm fine. I was just shocked by the intensity. Let's try again."

Bella looked hesitant but nodded. "Ok. But Jasper, keep an eye on Alice and please try not to affect me; it makes keeping the shield down _much _harder." She smiled slightly and went back to carefully turning off her gift.

Alice fared better this time and Jasper faithfully kept her emotions steady while she tried to figure out when Edward was going to wake up. Abruptly, Alice stilled and gasped. Bella's shield came up again, blocking the rest of Alice's visions.

"What happened?" Bella asked quickly.

"Edward is going to wake up in two minutes. But Bella, I think you should take him away." Alice said tentatively.

"Why?" Everyone asked, shocked that Alice would say that.

"Well, because I think Edward's going to be a little overwhelmed with us. In my vision, I saw that Edward only cared about Bella. He focus was locked on her and nothing else mattered. I don't want us to distract him and make the healing process go slower. I think Bella should be the only one there so that he doesn't get overwhelmed; and she can tell us when he wakes up. Once he gets a little better, she can bring him back." Alice explained. By her expression, it was clear that she didn't like her own idea but certainly made sense.

The family mulled over Alice's statement for a while and then Carlisle turned to Bella. "You know Edward best now, what do you think?" He asked.

Bella sighed and closed her eyes. "One minute and 12 seconds left. I wish I had more time. I'll stick to what Alice said. It can't hurt. I'll let you know through your minds when Edward wakes up. You'll probably have a daydream type of thing when I tell you." She frowned and lifted Edward up. "I'll see you later, then." She looked unsure.

"Ok, be sure to tell us and bring him back soon." Esme said. She hugged Bella tightly and kissed Edward's forehead. Bella nodded and raced out of the house while the rest of the family watched.

Bella ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She mentally counted down to when Edward would wake up and 20 seconds before 2 minutes, Bella's legs stopped moving. She hadn't been watching where she was going so when she suddenly stopped, Bella was stunned. Subconsciously, her body had brought her to their meadow. Bella bit her lip as she remembered all the fond memories of this place.

Suddenly, Bella felt Edward twitch in her arms; she quickly put him on the ground and leaned over him, ready to fulfill her promise.

EPOV

Edward struggled to open his eyes. Why _had he woken up? Why? Why?_ He knew waking up would just lead to more misery. _But he had seen Bella!_ Edward would still walk to the ends of the earth just to _see _her again. His heart ached when he thought about her.

"Edward." He heard someone calling his name. It was a feminine voice_. Bella_, his mind told him. _It's her. _Part of Edward wanted to sink into oblivion with Bella's voice in his ear, but his masochist side wanted to indulge in this fantasy. His eyes opened and he found himself staring into large, brown, doe eyes. Edward's breath caught his throat. _So Bella. _

"Edward." She murmured again. And this time, her lips brushed against his. He could feel the softness. And her hands lightly cradled his face, as though he were fragile. When she pressed her lips to his a second time, Edward gasped. He inhaled her delicious scent and knew he must have died. _This is what heaven is like. _

Bella's lips moved against his, coaxing him to caress her back. Edward felt so awkward. It had been so long, too long. He kissed her back clumsily but Bella accepted all he gave, eagerly. She finally pulled back, her eyes shining. She was beautiful. Mahogany hair cascaded down her back and ended just above the small of her back. Her plump, pink lips curved into a smile, slightly revealing perfect, white teeth. Her face was still heart-shaped but her skin was paler. She was like a porcelain doll. _So perfect. _Edward could go on staring at her all day. He hesitantly reached up and let his fingers trail across her silky, smooth cheek.

"Am I dead?" He asked softly. He needed to confirm this wasn't just another hallucination. He needed to confirm that she was here.

Bella smiled. "No, love. You're alive. I'm back. We can finally be together again." She leaned down to kiss him again.

Edward's world suddenly came crashing down again. _He wasn't dead. _He looked at his arm that had previously been touching Bella cheek and saw the ugly scars that covered it. _No. _Fear filled Edward's eyes. This was a dream. He wasn't strong enough to go through this again. Bella's lips were close to his, her breath fanned his face and Edward wanted so desperately to kiss her and hold her and keep her with him. But this was just another hallucination.

Edward turned his head to the side, dodging Bella's kiss. From his past visions, Bella had disappeared when he tried to kiss her. If he didn't kiss her now, maybe she would stay longer. Edward's lips burned for contact. He longed for so much more but he knew he had to stay away. He closed his eyes; half wishing Bella would disappear so he could wallow in self pity by himself.

"Edward?" Her voice was confused, sad. "Are you ok? Speak to me love, please." She begged him. Her voice was so beautiful, and her fingers gently turned his face toward her.

Edward dragged his eyes up to her. Deep anguish, pain, and longing filled them when he saw her perfection. She was worth so much more than him. He would never be anything compared to her. Edward closed his eyes as Bella's thumbs stroked his cheek, trying to wipe away the humiliation. "My love." She whispered.

Edward's eyes opened and he said the one word that he hadn't spoken in the past 11 years. "Bella." His voice managed to crack on her name and he felt a sob rip through his throat. He turned away again, not wanting her to see how pathetic he was.

Bella leaned forward and Edward felt panic well up inside of him. _Oh, please. _He begged internally. She was going to kiss him and disappear. He should enjoy the hallucination while it lasted but he wanted to drag it out as much as he could; hurt himself as much as possible. When Bella's lips were millimeters from Edward's, all hell broke loose in Edward's body.

Blood rose in Edward's throat and he quickly twisted himself so he wouldn't end up vomiting on Bella. He managed to get on all fours before the blood spilled from his mouth. Before, Edward wouldn't have even bothered to move. He wouldn't have cared if the blood ruined his shirt or marred his face. But Bella was here. Even though she wasn't real, Edward still wanted to look good for her. It was useless, but he still wished he could be perfect for her. He wished he could hear her complain about how wonderful he was. Edward wished and wished, vomiting until there was nothing left in him.

He felt his limbs crumpling with lack of energy but he could do nothing to hold himself up. Just milliseconds from hitting the ground, Edward felt a pair of strong yet feminine arms wrap around his waist and chest and pull him up. He didn't have enough to energy to do anything so he just ended up slumping back against Bella. Blood trickled down from his mouth and stained his dead-white skin.

Bella's hand gently stroked Edward's hair back from his forehead as his chest stopped heaving. He warily opened his eyes and looked into Bella's, ready for rejection and disgust. Or to see that he had hallucinated that someone else was Bella. But she was really there, at least for the moment. He reached up a shaking hand to touch her face but when he saw it was covered in blood, he let it drop. Edward didn't want to ruin her beauty with his filth and gore. _She was too beautiful, too perfect._ He closed his eyes and let soft sobs tear through his body.

Bella's hands moved from Edward's forehead, down to his shirt. She pushed him into a sitting position so that he wasn't leaning on her and Edward was sure that she would leave then. She would walk away from his useless body and leave him there to rot in misery. But to his surprise, she didn't. Instead, Bella carefully tore Edward's shirt from his body and used the cloth to whip his face, neck and arms.

Edward watched Bella with dull eyes, his mind not able to comprehend what was going on. _Why wasn't Bella gone yet? _Edward bit his lip hard to try and quell his own sobs. Bella surprised Edward again by gently stroking his cheek until he looked at her. When he finally did, she gave him a soft smile. "It's ok." She murmured, and pulled Edward toward her so that his head rested against her collarbone. She spoke to him softly, none of her words making sense, but her voice soothing.

Edward closed his eyes again and tried to convince himself that she was real. _This is happening. _He slowly raised his bare arms and wrapped them around Bella's lower back and waist; finally returning her caress. Bella's lips pressed against the top of his head and Edward felt her kiss his hair. He wanted so badly to kiss her mouth, to taste her tongue. But he couldn't. He was too afraid.

As though Bella could hear his thoughts, she pulled back slightly and tilted Edward's chin up. "Don't move away from me." She whispered quietly, lovingly. She leaned down and kissed Edward's lips.

Edward struggled to stay still. He didn't want her to disappear, but she told him not to move. She _commanded _him not to move. And if he did, she would surely go away. Edward whimpered into Bella's lips.

She pulled back, her eyes sad. "What's wrong? Please kiss me." She begged, still holding him to her.

Edward felt himself move forward, move to kiss her. No matter what his mind wanted, his body obeyed Bella. Edward had sworn to himself that he would do whatever it took to keep Bella with him and he was willing to obey her, even if it hurt him. He felt a sob rise up in his throat and he swallowed heavily before kissing Bella.

Bella could see the struggle within Edward and was surprised that he obeyed her so quickly. Regardless, she accepted his kiss enthusiastically. His lips tasted so sweet and Bella melted to him.

Edward gasped as Bella pressed herself against him fully. It felt so good. He wanted more. But at the same time, he was afraid she would feel how messed up his body was. She would know that he hadn't taken care of himself and she would be disgusted. Edward feared most about Bella's reaction to his arm. He had torn it up and now it was covered in his own ugly bite marks.

As Edward fretted, Bella deepened the kiss, eagerly wanting more. Edward found himself kissing Bella with just as much vigor as she kissed him. He was surprised that he was still capable of doing that but once he noticed how much Bella liked it, he pushed himself to give her more.

They finally pulled away, gasping for unneeded air. Bella's eyes danced and her smile was glorious. Edward felt himself stare at her. She was an angel, and he was…nothing, useless. A deep pain filled his chest as he saw her. His mouth opened in vague distress and he found himself shake once more.

Bella's elated look faded and was replaced with concern. "Love? What's wrong? Tell me. Let me help you, please." She reached out and pulled Edward to her again, enveloping his upper body with her own.

Edward forced the words out of his mouth. He didn't want to tell her, but he couldn't refuse her. "You…you're so beautiful. You're so perfect. You're so amazing. You deserve so much…better…" He started sobbing. "And…I'm…I'm just…useless…ruined…" His sobs were harder.

"No, Edward. No. We are perfect. We are made for each other." Bella whispered. She hugged him tighter.

Edward couldn't believe her words. He just shook his head and kept sobbing. Soon, he felt that familiar dread creeping up his stomach. He felt like vomiting. He tried to pull out of Bella's grip so he wouldn't end up puking on her but she wouldn't let him go.

"Lay down, love." She murmured in his ear and slowly lowered him to the ground.

Edward didn't resist her but raised a hand to his mouth, trying to keep the blood from spilling out of his mouth. His eyes were filled with fear and pain as he looked up at Bella. She smiled sadly, and stroked his cheek once.

"Look into my eyes, love. Focus on me." She instructed gently. Edward's eyes locked on her and his breath froze in his lungs. She was so flawless, perfect. Bella smiled and leaned over Edward. She rested her forehead and nose against his and then arraigned her hair so it formed a curtain around them; shielding them from the outside world.

Edward was still covering his mouth as he stared at her with wide eyes. "Breath, Edward. Smell my scent." Bella whispered. Her scent permeated through the air around them.

Edward breathed in deeply and felt his mind cloud up. Her scent was intoxicating. The more he inhaled, the less he could think. Edward's body finally relaxed and he closed his eyes, looking as though he had fallen into a peaceful sleep.

Bella didn't move, knowing that only her scent kept Edward calm at the moment. Instead, she closed her eyes and briefly tugged at Alice's mind. Letting her know Edward was awake but it was still going to be a while before Bella could bring him back home.

**YEAY! EDDI'S FINNALLY AWAKE. WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT HIM WAKING UP? I'M TRYING TO GET THE EMOTIONS RIGHT BUT ITS VERY DIFFICULT. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME. THX. **

**P.S. REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY (AND I WORK FASTER WHEN I'M HAPPY) *HINT HINT* :D**


	23. Chapter 23

**YEAY! NEW CHAPTER!! THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE SO PLEASE ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE INSANITY THAT EDWARD HAS BORROWED. HEHE**

Bella's scent formed a haze in Edward's mind. He couldn't think, but some part of him knew that Bella was with him and that made him euphoric. Edward felt soft lips press against his own and he knew they were Bella's. The only lips he would ever touch. He kissed her back, letting his tongue caress hers. Every movement was slow, wonderful. Edward cherished Bella's feel but didn't open his eyes. At some point, the fog in his mind started to recede, and when it started going away, so did the euphoria. Edward struggled to find the wonderful smell again, but he couldn't. His head started to throb.

"Open your eyes, love." Bella's voice murmured in his ear.

It sounded so sweet that Edward knew he could happily spend the rest of his life just listening to her voice. But he couldn't. Bella told him to open his eyes so he forced them open. The bright sunlight blinded him for a moment so that he turned and buried his face in Bella's bent arm.

He felt Bella laugh quietly. "My love." She whispered affectionately. "My Edward." One of her hands pulled him into a sitting position so that he was leaning against her again and her other hand found its way to his head. Bella stroked his hair softly, tugging gently at the ends until Edward finally looked up at her.

"Bella." He whispered. At that point, no other thought crossed Edward's mind. He wasn't mentally capable of thinking about anything other than Bella.

"You need to hunt." Bella said quietly, stroking the area beneath Edward's eyes.

Edward closed his eyes, savoring the feeling. "I don't want to hunt." He whispered back. "I only want you." He looked back at her and all the thoughts from before came crashing down on him. Her perfection. Her practicality. Her everything. She was superior; and Edward knew that once Bella realized that, she would leave him. Edward wished that there was a way to keep Bella with him. He wished that his love for her would be enough to make her want to stay. But he knew it was all just one big, stupid dream.

"You have me, love. I'll always be with you." Bella smiled gently, unaware of Edward's depressing thoughts. "Come. Hunt with me. I'm hungry, too." Bella made up the last part, hoping that it would coax Edward into hunting with her.

Edward felt himself move without his mind's consent. He nodded. Bella wanted to hunt, Edward would come with her. Nothing could alter his decision.

Bella smiled. She stood up and grabbed Edward's hands, pulling him up. Edward stood shakily and struggled to stay standing. He took an experimental step when Bella tugged his hands gently and fell. Edward's knees crumpled and his hands slipped out of Bella's grasp. Bella gasped and knelt at Edward's side in less than a millisecond, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry." Bella murmured with a worried look. "I should have been more careful. Sorry, love. Here, I'll carry you." She scooped Edward up in her arms and started walking.

Edward didn't want Bella to carry him. It wasn't right. If anyone should carry someone else, it should be Edward carrying Bella. But he didn't have the energy to so he stayed quiet, burying his face in Bella's soft neck. Edward dreaded to think what Bella thought of him now. He knew that she would leave him soon. First, he had thought that he was dead; then, he almost puked on her; after that, he had sobbed like a child and _now _he couldn't even take care of himself. Edward felt pathetic, and he knew that he looked even worse.

Bella stopped walking and set Edward down. Edward looked up at her questioningly but stayed silent. Bella kissed his lips for a moment and then smiled, stroking his hair back from his forehead once. "I'm going to get some food. Stay here." With that, Bella got up and ran away.

Edward stared at her retreating form for a moment, not understanding what was going on. When Bella's body had become a small shape in the distance, Edward's mind finally caught up with his body. _Bella was leaving. _Edward panicked. _No. No. Please._ He _needed _Bella. Edward wanted to scream and cry and tear himself into a million pieces for not keeping her with him. Edward opened his mouth but no sound came out. He nearly cried but his throat was dry and burning and his body had no tears to shed. Edward's hands found his scalp and he ripped at his hair brutally, trying to find the pain that had distracted him from this torture once before. Small whimpers and cries escaped from his throat as he abused himself. The insanity that had possessed him once before took hold of him again. He tried to rip his hair out but it was stuck to firmly to his head. No matter how hard he pulled, it didn't budge. Edward felt anger bubble inside of him. _Why wasn't he strong enough? _Edward stopped tearing at his scalp and started twisting his fingers. He felt pain snake up his arms, shoulders and take hold in his chest. The pain quickly became so much that Edward couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, two hands appeared out of nowhere and pulled his hands apart. "Edward! What are you doing?" The voice was upset. It sounded like Bella, but it couldn't be. Bella had left him. "Edward! Stop! Look at me!" The voice demanded.

Edward looked up. He couldn't control himself; he _had _to obey her voice. When his eyes finally reached the face of his savior, he gasped. "Bella." He whimpered. He wanted to pull away from her because this time, she _did _look horrified at what he had done. But at the same time he needed her. He felt himself draw closer like a moth to the light.

"Love. Edward. What are you doing?"She asked sadly. Her voice was just barely above a whisper.

"I need you. I can't live without you." Edward told her; his eyes wide with need.

"I wasn't leaving you, Edward. Darling, I told you, I was going to hunt." Bella explained, holding his tormented gaze.

"Don't leave me. Don't let go of me. Please." He begged. "I need you."

Edward's pleas were childish in their repetition and simplicity but he didn't know anything else. All that proud sophistication that had surrounded him before was gone. It had gone to the grave with Bella's body.

Bella sighed. "I'm here, love. I'll hold on to you as long as you need me to. Tell _me_ what you need, don't hurt yourself." She put his hands on her shoulders and cradled his face with her hands. "Do you understand me?" One of her hands left his face to massage his scalp.

Edward felt the dull throbbing in his head start to recede. It was as if Bella knew exactly what was going on with him. Edward nodded. He didn't want to make her upset anymore. He leaned closer to her, wanting her forgiveness and happiness. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Bella finally smiled but it was sad and small. "Oh, Edward. Don't apologize." She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her. Edward desperately wanted to hug her back but he kept his hands on Bella's shoulders because he wasn't sure what she wanted him to do.

Bella eventually moved his arms so he could wrap them around her waist. When he tilted his head back to thank her, she leaned down and peppered his whole face with kisses. Edward gasped in surprise. He never expected her to be so open with her affection right after his moment of insanity. His throat tightened slightly and he wished he could kiss her. After a few more minutes, Bella kissed him. Edward felt himself sigh with relief and pleasure.

"Come, love. Let's eat." Bella carefully disengaged herself from Edward so that she could stand. But throughout the whole process, she never let go of his hands. Bella carried Edward again and this time, she stopped in a clearing. In front of them, on the grass, lay a deer with it's neck bent at an odd angle. There were no wounds other than that. Bella hadn't wanted to waste blood.

Bella carefully set Edward down in front of the deer, keeping at least one hand on his skin at all times. "Eat." She gestured to the deer.

Edward stared at her for a moment and then looked at the deer. "No. Please. I can't eat this." He whispered, trying to crawl back but still keep contact with Bella.

Bella frowned again. "Why, love? Please tell me why." She begged and pulled him to her.

Edward struggled to keep his mouth closed. His body wanted to confess to Bella so bad but his mind didn't want her to know that he had killed an animal just because he wanted to put it out of its pain. So, he just curled up against her and bit his lip as hard as he could.

Bella sighed. "Edward, you need to eat. Will you eat if I eat with you?" She asked, trying to coax him into eating.

Edward looked up at her. If she truly needed blood but she wasn't drinking because of him, Edward would hate himself forever. He nodded stiffly; he would force the blood down his throat for Bella. Bella smiled. "Thank you, sweetheart." She nuzzled him softly and then leaned over the animal.

Bella's sharp teeth sliced through the animal's pelt easily and she drank carefully. Edward could help but watch in wonder as she drank. She was so beautiful. Edward felt himself freeze in awe. Bella's hand gently pulled Edward down and motioned for him to eat. He started to lower his head but when he did, he was no longer able to see Bella. Edward tried to look at her through the corner of his eye but it was too difficult. So instead, he just gave up, leaned his head on the side of the dead deer and watched Bella.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked when he didn't start drinking. She carefully placed a hand on the wound on the deer's body to try and save some blood.

"I can't see you." Edward confessed. He felt stupid and ridiculous but he _needed _Bella. He needed to see her, feel her, smell her, hear her, _know _that she was there.

Bella looked into his eyes for a moment. " I can fix that." She said quietly. Still keeping her hands linked with Edward's, she lithely stepped over the deer. "I'll drink from this side and you drink from that side. That way, we can still see each other." Bella smiled and leaned over, nuzzling Edward's cheek.

Edward's eyes widened in surprise for perhaps the fifth time and he couldn't hold back a grateful smile. "Thank you." He said quietly. He wanted to just curl up with her somewhere and not have to worry about anything else. Instead, he just asked, "may I kiss you?"

Bella laughed. Her eyes crinkled, her hair shook with the movements of her head and her voice made chimes sound like a child's toy. Edward could have sworn he had never seen her look more ethereal in his life. "Of course, love. You don't have to ask, just do it." She grinned and leaned over, giving him a sloppy kiss.

Edward was shocked; he expected Bella's usual firm, calming kisses, not something playful. But he loved it nonetheless. "Come here, please." He murmured and pulled Bella to him. He gave her chaste kisses all across her lips and then settled for one deep one.

When Edward pulled away, Bella's eyes shone like the sun. "That was wonderful." She whispered happily.

Edward smiled. "Thank you."

Bella laughed again. "You're welcome. Now, start eating. Did you think you could distract me?" She asked; her tone still playful.

Edward smiled and shook his head. He leaned down and started to drink. The blood flowed past his lips but when it touched his tongue, Edward froze. It tasted terrible, sour. Edward pulled back, gagging. A fierce shudder ran through his body.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked quietly.

"It tastes bad." Edward shuddered again.

Bella was quiet for a moment. Her fingertips tapped lightly on the back of Edward's hand as she thought. Edward hated himself for being so picky. Bella wanted him to drink, he should. _Who cares about the terrible flavor?_ Edward leaned down to give it another try. He tried to hold down his reactions as his lips moved closer to the animal.

"Edward, are you going to try again?" Bella asked as his lips were only millimeters away from the pelt.

"Yes." He said and looked up at her through his lashes.

"Thank you, love. I know this is hard for you but it is very important." Bella looked at him solemnly and kissed his forehead briefly.

Edward nodded and proceeded to drink the blood again. His first reaction was to vomit but he reined it in. He wanted to please Bella. Bella noticed the tenseness of Edward body so she used one of her hands to stroke Edward's throat gently, coaxing him to swallow. "Look at me, darling. Focus on me and you won't taste a thing." She purred.

Edward let himself zero in on Bella. Her beauty, her softness, her seemingly endless love. All thoughts of blood fled from his mind when he looked at Bella; he hardly noticed that he was even drinking. Finally, the blood ran out. Edward sat up and wiped the blood off his mouth using the back of his hand. He smiled, thinking he was finished and he'd successfully made Bella happy.

Bella smiled too. "Good job!" She grinned. "Ready for another?"

Edward nearly chocked. "No, I…I…I can't…" He stuttered. He couldn't put himself through that again.

Bella's smile lessened. "Yes, you can. For me, you can." She looked at him, staring deep into his eyes. "But, here, let's take a short break. We need to bury this animal…" Bella looked down at the deer between them.

"I'll do it." Edward volunteered. He didn't want Bella to think he was helpless.

"Ok." Bella smiled. "Thank you."

Edward set to work, digging the ground with his hands so that he could bury the animal. Bella kept her hands on his shoulders, occasionally moving them to massage his back while he worked. As Edward moved, so did Bella. When he had finally finished, Bella leaned down and ran her lips across the back of Edward's neck.

"I love you." Bella murmured.

"I love you too, so much more than you could know." Edward replied, turning. He wanted Bella in his arms. He wanted to be free to kiss her whenever or wherever he wanted.

As if Bella was the mind reader, she slid into his lap and leaned against him.

"Bella, can you read my mind?" Edward asked.

Bella looked up at him and smiled. "No, why?"

Edward shrugged. "Sometimes I want something and then you do it. And I feel like you've just read my mind."

Bella laughed. "It's probably because we need the same thing so often." She smiled and nuzzled Edward's neck.

"Can I kiss you?" Edward asked.

Bella looked up and grinned. "Yes."

"Multiple times?"

Bella laughed. "Yes."

"Thank you." Edward leaned down and showered Bella with kisses. He covered every inch of her face, neck and hands that he could. After a while, when he was sure he had kissed every exposed part of her, Edward leaned back and smiled.

Bella was pressed tightly against him at this point and she smiled euphorically. "Are you happy now?" She asked.

Edward nodded.

"Me too." Bella smiled. "You make me happy, Edward."

She buried her face in his neck and inhaled deeply, drinking in his scent. Edward felt his heart about to burst with love. _He made her happy ._Edward could die a joyous man now. "You give me life, Bella." He responded after a while.

Bella stilled in his arms and then relaxed. She didn't say anything though. Edward held her silently for a while longer before he asked. "Do you _really _love me? Like truly, not out of guilt or duty?"

Bella raised her hand and traced Edward's collarbone. "Yes, Edward. I do _truly _love you. It's not possible to love someone out of duty or guilt. That is a burden. But I _do_ love you; you're _not_ a burden to me." She tilted her head up and studied Edward's face.

Edward looked down and tried to memorize Bella's flawless features. "Why?" He asked. "Why do you love me when I'm worthless, insane, flawed?" He couldn't imagine what Bella would find attractive about him.

Bella sighed and closed her eyes for a moment without answering. "Edward, you have so much you can give me. You're _not _worthless. You're worth so much more than you could know. And you weren't always insane. You're not insane now. Edward, I can _heal _you. I can _help _you. You just have to let me." She sat up and pulled herself closer to him, so that they were chest to chest. Bella's hands found their way to Edward's hair and held him in place. Edward stared deep into her eyes, trying to breathe through her overwhelming scent. "And Edward, you're not flawed. You are perfect." Bella leaned close and let her lips touch his. She didn't kiss him; she just felt his lips with her own.

Edward turned away. "Not flawed? Bella, I'm like a defected item. Look at me!" He held up his mauled arm for Bella to see.

Bella snorted and pushed his arm away. "I don't care. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and I behold the fact that you are the most perfect man I have ever met." Her eyes blazed.

Edward looked up at her incredulously. "How? What do you see? Bella, there is nothing good about me! I'm so messed up and you're so perfect. What could you possibly see in _me_?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "It's ironic how tables have turned, Edward. I used to always wonder how you could love me and now you wonder the same thing. I love you, Edward. Isn't that all that matters?" She tilted her head and gazed at him.

Edward looked away. How was he supposed to explain that he couldn't live with that doubt? Bella saw Edward's reaction and turned his head to face her. "Love, look at your arm." Her voice was soft and she gently raised his ruined arm so they could gaze at it together. "Look deeply in the lines. You see that? That's my name carved into your skin. Edward, you may have been insane when you were hurting yourself but you still loved me. How could I not want you after that? How could I reject someone who's love is so much? You're not defective, my darling, you're personalized." She looked back at him and smiled.

Edward stared at his arm a little longer. He still couldn't see what Bella saw in him. He probably never would. Edward struggled to find words to explain the helplessness he was feeling and after a few moments, he gave up. When he was finally able to look back at Bella's face, she leaned forward and gave him a soft, chaste kiss. "Let's finish hunting, love." She said as she got off of his lap and pulled him up.

Edward let Bella lead him to wherever she wanted to go. "Can I leave you here, Edward? We can't hunt holding hands…" Bella asked him as they stopped. When Edward breathed in, he could smell the scent of bear.

"Yes, we can. Please don't let go of me, Bella. You've seen me go crazy; I can't go through that again." He faced her, letting the chagrin dominate over his features.

Bella raised a hand and stroked his face. "Ok, love. Let's hunt." She said finally.

Edward looked up at her and smiled gratefully. "Thank you." He whispered and pulled her into a tight hug.

Bell returned it with equal fierceness and led them to the bear.

**HOW DID YOU GUYS LIKE THAT? PLZ LEAVE ME SOME LOVE AND OPINIONS. **


	24. Chapter 24

**NEW CHAPTER! YEAY! ENJOY:**

**DISCLAIMER: U ALL KNOW THIS. DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

Bella and Edward hunted three more animals. Edward drank the most blood but Bella let herself have some too, to appease Edward. Once they were done, Bella decided that they should take a bath. Hunting together at the same time was messy.

"Edward, darling, let's go wash up. There is a stream over there." Bella pointed ahead of them.

Edward tore his eyes from Bella for a second to see where she was pointing; then he turned back to her. "Okay." He said quietly, still in awe of her.

As Bella walked, Edward marveled at how graceful her movements were. Her hair swung back and forth, her hips swayed and a smile was forever apparent on her lips. "You're so beautiful, Bella." Edward murmured. The beauty of the world around him was lost when Bella was with him.

Bella turned back and smiled shyly. "Thanks. You're handsome too, you know."She giggled and wrapped her arms around him.

Edward smiled back. When Bella was happy, Edward felt his own spirits rise. "Can I carry you?" He asked quietly, wanting more contact.

Bella raised an eyebrow but nodded. When Edward picked her up, she buried her face in his neck and hummed. "You smell wonderful. I could just eat you up." She kissed his neck.

"Eat me, then." Edward responded softly. Bella could do whatever she wanted with him. Edward's body wasn't his own anymore. He was Bella's.

Bella laughed, not noticing Edward's seriousness. "Mmm." She nuzzled his neck slightly.

"We are here." Edward said, stopping. The stream was just a foot away from their feet.

Bella slid out of Edward's arms but still held his hands. "How deep is it?" She asked, curiously leaning forward.

"I'd say three feet. We can both easily stand in it." Edward said, holding Bella's hands tightly, afraid she might disappear into the water. His previous hallucination still haunted him even though he was holding Bella in his arms.

"Alright, let's clean up." Bella turned to him and smiled. "Do you think we can bathe alone or do you want to do it together?" She asked gently.

Edward felt embarrassed at Bella's question. He wanted to tell her that he was ok with going somewhere else for a while so she could clean up in private; but in truth, he wasn't. The moment he let Bella go or closed his eyes for more than a second, his body started to tense and he couldn't hold back the panic. "I'm sorry, Bella…" He whispered, unable to admit his weakness.

Bella pulled him into her arms. "It's ok, love. I trust you." She smiled.

Bella pulled back a little and moved Edward's arms to her waist, beneath her shirt. She turned around so that her back was facing him and then pulled her shirt off. Edward gasped as Bella exposed her back to him. Bella didn't turn back to see his expression. Instead, she slipped off her pants and stood in front of him with only her undergarments on.

Edward tried to tear his eyes away from her but he couldn't. The black matching lingerie she wore contrasted sharply with her pale skin. Bella finally turned and Edward was sure he was going to hell. Bella was gorgeous. His eyes greedily took in her skin even though his mind screamed that looking at her in this manner was improper.

Bella laughed at Edward's reaction and stepped closer. Edward's eyes snapped up to her face and widened. "Relax." Bella purred in his ear and slipped her hands to his waist, gently undoing his pants and pulling them down. Edward felt his body stiffen. Now he was left only in his boxers; with his whole, scarred body on display.

Fear coursed through Edward's still veins as Bella took him in. His body trembled as Bella's hands ran across his torso and back. Her smooth, perfect hands slid across his still gaunt and mauled skin. Bella walked around Edward and traced a scar on his back. "How'd you get this?" She asked quietly, her lips pressing against the mark.

Edward shivered and his mind raced to find an answer. "Jacob." Edward blurted out. "During the fight." Just the thought of that event filled Edward with agony. That was the day Bella died.

He swiveled to face her; his hands running across her body on their own accord. He suddenly needed to make sure she was there, with him. There was no lust behind his actions, only fear and desperate need. "Bella. Bella." He whispered, trying to assure himself that she was still here.

If Bella was surprised at Edward's reactions, she recovered extremely quickly. "It's ok, love. I'm right here. I'm right here, Edward." She pulled him into her arms and kissed his face.

Edward's body was shaking violently. "How?" He whispered. "Prove it to me, please." He slid to his knees and begged her.

Bella struggled to come up with an answer. "Feel me, love. I'm right here. I'll always be with you. It's ok. We have all the time in the world for me to prove that I am here. I'm here, just for you." Bella slid to the ground in front of him and gently cradled him in her arms.

"No. We don't have time. What if you disappear? Oh, Bella, please--I can't--no…" Edward stumbled over his words. The agony and fear of Bella being a hallucination prevented him from forming lucid thoughts. He shook his head violently and began twisting his fingers again.

"Edward! No, stop! Please, love-" Bella desperately pulled Edward's hands away from each other and held his head in her hands.

Edward steadily lost coherency and Bella struggled to ground him. Finally, she used the only option she had left: dreamscape.

Bella pulled Edward into his dreamscape and decided that dealing with him there might be easier. She was wrong.

When Bella reached Edward's dreamscape, she found him locked up in his house. When she peeked in through the windows, he looked even worse than before. All the bruises were purple, green and black. Some wounds looked infected and Bella was sure others had deepened. She could even see the cracked bone inside Edward's mulled arm. Bella felt her throat close up as she saw Edward sit there in the middle of the dim living room, holding his head, crying.

"Love." She whispered, pressing her hand against the glass. "Edward."

The moment she said his name, Edward started rocking back and forth, his sobbing became harder. Bella could hear him choking on her name as he cried.

Bella felt her own eyes mist over and she desperately wanted to hold him. "Edward." She said again, this time louder. She banged against the glass, trying to get his attention.

Edward's head snapped up. He looked her with wide, red rimmed eyes. "Bella." His lips formed her name even though she couldn't hear him. He got up and tried to run to her. After the first four steps, however, he fell. When he moved, Bella saw that his leg had a large gash in it. She held back a cry of horror as Edward continued to make his way to her by crawling, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.

When he finally reached the window, he pulled himself up to see her. His eyes lit up a little at the sight of her and he eagerly pressed his hand against the glass, trying to touch her. Bella smiled through her tears and pressed her hand again the glass too. Edward was unsatisfied. He pressed his other hand against the glass as well and from the way he pushed against it, Bella could tell he wanted to break it. She sadly put her other hand against the glass too, knowing that Edward wouldn't be able to get through to her.

Bella could see the agony and panic creeping into Edward's eyes. He wanted to feel her. He _needed _to feel her. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against the glass, as though she were kissing him. Edward fervently did the same, wanting to feel her lips and kiss her.

But when he realized he was only kissing glass, he pulled back. An anguished frown shadowed his features as he found that his lips had left a bloodstain on the window. He tried to wipe it off so he could see Bella clearly again but his hands were bloody, too. The more he wiped, the more blood smeared on the window.

Edward let out a noise somewhere between a scream and a cry. Now Bella was gone from his sight. His own stupid blood prevented him from seeing her. Bella listened to Edward go insane inside the house. She desperately wished she could enter the house and calm Edward down. He needed her! Bella wanted to scream in frustration but she knew that would only aggravate Edward further.

Bella paced back and forth, wondering what to do. As she walked, her eyes found another window. Duh! Bella ran to that window and banged on the glass, trying to draw Edward's attention. Edward stumbled across the room and reached out towards Bella. When his hand was an inch from the glass, he stopped. A pained look flashed across his face but he didn't touch the glass again. _Bella. _Edward mouthed her name.

"Edward." Bella said and flattened her hands against the window. "I love you." She mouthed. Bella leaned her forehead against the window and smiled at him sadly. Edward stared at her, tears streaming endlessly down his face. His body quivered and he leaned closer to the glass, just barely resting one hand against the glass. Bella and Edward stood there for a while, crying silently and taking in each other as much as they could with their eyes.

"I'm here." Bella said, finally.

"I believe you." Edward replied quietly.

Bella was surprised she could hear him, but this was _his dreamscape_ after all. "Come back to me, Edward." She said, indicating that they were going back into their own bodies.

Edward nodded slightly and pressed his face against the window, watching Bella fade as she made her way into her own body.

When Bella was back in the real world, she struggled to reconnect Edward with his body. It wasn't until now that Bella realized how much energy she had used in Edward's dreamscape.

When he woke up, Edward was like a dying man and Bella was his water. He desperately kissed her lips and his hands circumnavigated her body again. "Here. Here. " Edward whispered as he tried to quench his need for her.

When Edward finally pulled back, they were both a mess. Somehow, they had ended up on the ground and now they had leaves and dirt all in their hair and undergarments. Bella looked down at herself and smiled. "Now we _really_ need a bath." She laughed quietly, stroking Edward's cheek.

"Sorry." Edward ducked his head, ashamed that he had made them so dirty. He still couldn't believe that Bella loved him so much.

"Don't apologize." Bella smiled warmly and kissed his lips softly. She sighed after she pulled away. "I could kiss you all day." Bella told him, her doe eyes beautiful and clear.

Edward felt himself tremble. Bella was so perfect, so angelic. Could she really want him? "Please." Edward whispered in response to her comment.

Bella's eyes lit up and Edward felt his insides turn into pudding. She grabbed his face in her hands and then rolled them so that Edward was on his back and Bella was on top. She leaned down and kissed him. She kissed him wildly. Softly. Sweetly. Harshly. Bella kissed Edward until his lips hurt and his mind was full of only her love.

"Bath time." Bella whispered huskily in Edward's ear once she was satisfied with all the kisses she'd bestowed on him.

Edward nodded numbly, his mind still reeling from Bella's mind blowing caresses. Bella laughed at Edward's state and pulled him into the water. Instead of washing up herself, Bella instructed Edward to sit in the stream and she proceeded to carefully wash the dirt and grime from his skin and hair. Once she was done, Edward returned the favor. He rubbed his hand along her skin gently, savoring the softness. It took the couple a ridiculously long time to finally emerge from the river.

"Oh, shoot. We don't have anything to dry with." Bella sighed as she stood on the edge of the stream. Edward didn't respond; he was too busy inhaling Bella's scent. "Oh, well. We'll just put out clothes back on." Bella decided and headed towards the heap in which her clothes were piled up.

"But they are dirty. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of a bath?" Edward asked innocently as Bella reached down to grab her shirt.

Bella laughed and kissed Edward on the tip of his nose. "I love you." She said affectionately and then handed him his pants. "Yes, it would defeat the purpose but I don't want to go home in my undergarments. Do you?" She asked playfully.

"We are going home?" Edward asked. Worry and fear dominated his features.

"Hey. It's ok. I'll be there. I won't _ever _let go of you. You'll be fine, Edward. They are your _family_." Bella stroked the hair back from his forehead.

"Ok." Edward whispered.

Bella smiled at him and pulled him into a hug.

*JASPER POV*

Jasper sat on the couch and stared at the clock. According to Alice, Edward and Bella would be home in exactly six hours, 15 minutes, and 34 seconds. They had been gone for a week now. Everyone else was anxious for them to get home but Jasper didn't think they had spent enough time together, alone. To properly heal Edward, Jasper thought that Bella would have to focus all of her energy on him and if they were back in the family, Bella's attention would be elsewhere.

Jasper sighed and went back to regulating the family's emotions. Hope, fear, worry, and curiosity dominated the emotions of everyone. Jasper tried to lessen the fear and worry but he didn't want to encourage hope and curiosity too much because if their hopes were too high, then it would hurt more if Edward didn't meet their expectations.

As time went by, the family joined Jasper in the living room. Carlisle and Esme came first, sitting on the ground and looking through a furniture magazine. Emmett came next, pouting at the fact that he had lost to the computer, again. Rosalie took her sweet time coming because she still needed to finish her nails and didn't think the color she had on before was pretty enough. Alice came when there was only 5 minutes left until Edward's arrival.

Alice had been cleaning Edward's room and buying Edward and Bella new clothes. Neither had asked for more clothes but Alice felt the need to buy them _something_ and clothes were the only thing she could come up with.

Esme looked at the door briefly and then turned back to the family. "I wonder what Edward will be like…" She wondered aloud.

Rosalie snorted. She had made her thoughts on Bella very clear throughout the week. Jasper felt a wave of exasperation from Emmett as he rolled his eyes at Rosalie's behavior.

"I'm sure he will be fine. Bella is with him and she seems to know what she is doing." Carlisle said reassuringly.

Esme smiled at her husband and hugged him. A warm feeling permeated through the room after Carlisle's comment.

Everyone sat around quietly for the next 4 minutes. Suddenly, Alice jumped up and ran to the door. Jasper could feel her humming with excitement. He turned his gift to the area around him and felt a mild fear and uncertainty coming off of Edward. "Alice. Take it easy." Jasper said quietly, sending her calming emotions.

Alice took a deep breath and nodded. She smiled at Jasper briefly and then stood right in front of the door. Everyone waited patiently as they heard Bella and Edward walk closer and closer to the door. They all held their breath until Bella rung the door bell and Alice slowly opened it.

"Hi." Alice breathed.

Bella laughed. "Hello." She turned to Edward and squeezed his hand.

Edward tore his eyes from Bella and glanced at everyone for a moment. "Hello." He echoed Bella. A small twitch of his lips that _might _be able to pass as a smile appeared.

Jasper felt an overwhelming sense of joy coming off of everyone. He let it project out of him and felt a jolt of surprise from Edward as those happy waves hit him. Jasper smiled at Edward and Edward gave him a tiny, hesitant smile in return. Another wave of happiness flowed throughout the room.

"Let's sit." Carlisle motioned to the couch and everyone sat down. After a small period of silence, everyone started asking Edward questions. At first, he looked alarmed and stayed totally silent. Bella responded to most of them and she spoke in a soothing tone that calmed Edward down. Edward eventually loosened up and gave small replies to some questions. He still stayed mostly quiet and paid more attention to Bella than the people trying to talk to him.

Everyone spent the next night and day together, talking and trying to make Edward more comfortable. Sometime during the next day, everyone decided to play Monopoly. Edward and Bella sat on the couch and watched because Edward still wasn't at ease with everyone.

Half way through the game, when Alice was in the lead, the phone rang. Everyone froze for a moment and then relaxed. They hadn't had a phone call in a while but it wasn't unusual. "I'll get it." Carlisle said and got to get the phone. The game continued until Carlisle came back into the room. "It's for you, Bella." He said and handed the phone to Bella.

Bella raised her eyebrows in surprise and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?" She said quietly. Curiosity hummed through the air as everyone forgot about Monopoly and openly eavesdropped on Bella's conversation.

Bella was silent for a moment and then she half got up. When she realized Edward's arm was still around her waist, she settled back into his chest. "Yes. I'm fine. It's only been eight months. No. Why? Oh…you can handle that. I trust you. Sure. Sell them. I don't care." Bella's voice had gone from soft and soothing to sharp and authoritative. Even though she was leaning against Edward's chest casually, Jasper could see the calculating and independent look in her eyes. Bella knew what she was doing. Jasper couldn't hold back the surprise when he realized just how _much_ Bella had changed. Before, she couldn't even make discussions about what she was going to wear, and now she sounded like she was giving orders.

Bella continued talking, not paying attention to the curious looks on everyone's faces. "Ok. Fine. Is Cara there? Can you give it to her, please? Thanks." Bella tapped her fingers impatiently against her thigh while she waited for Cara. Soon, Bella started making odd clicking noises with her tongue. At first, Jasper wondered what she was doing, and then he realized she was speaking to the person on the other end of the line.

As Bella spoke, a range of emotions flashed across her face. At one point she looked scared, then angry, and finally determined. She managed to give orders in that click language and by the time she shut the phone, Bella had regained her composure.

She smoothed out her features and set the phone down. "That was fun." She remarked dryly.

"What language were you speaking? It sounded so cool." Emmett grinned at Bella.

Bella rolled her eyes but smiled back. "It's a click language spoken by one of the South African tribes. It's the native language of my friend and I try to speak to her in it even though she claims that I butcher the language with my accent."

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, I could tell."

Bella stuck her tongue out at him playfully.

"Was everything ok, Bella? You sounded a little upset." Carlisle asked Bella politely, trying to reign in his curiosity.

"Oh, yes. It's all ok. Just some Texas drama. I was neck deep in it when I lived there." She smiled.

Jasper wanted to ask further but from the look deep in Bella's eyes, he decided not to. Bella had her secrets, and Jasper would patiently wait until she spilled them.

**OK, WASN'T THAT FUN? PLEASE REVIEW!**

**FOR ANYONE CONFUSED, THERE WAS **_**NOT **_**A LEMON IN THIS CHAPTER. IT WAS JUST BELLA AND EDWARD DOING THEIR LOVEY DOVEY THING. :D**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!**


	25. Chapter 25

**OK, I'VE FINALY DECIDED TO UPDATE. I THINK I'M SUFFERING FROM WRITER'S BLOCK BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO GET MY IDEAS OUT RIGHT. IF THIS CHAPTER ISN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHER ONES, I'M SORRY. BUT PLEASE STILL READ AND ENJOY! **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING. **

Edward and Bella finally escaped into Edward's room after 4 days of non-stop family time. As soon as they were alone, Edward pulled Bella to him and inhaled her scent. "Are you ok?" Bella asked quietly, stroking his hair.

"My head throbs." Edward whimpered into Bella's hair.

Bella led Edward to the bed and let him curl up around her, his face pressed against her neck and his arms wound tightly around her back and waist. "I'm sorry, darling. I forgot about your gift. We never have to worry about it around me." Bella smiled.

Edward stilled. He hadn't told Bella that he couldn't read minds anymore. Would she finally realize that he was ruined beyond repair? Edward feared that Bella would leave. She would go back to wherever she came from and Edward would be left to succumb into depression once again. With those thoughts clouding his mind, he started trembling in her arms.

Bella frowned in surprise at Edward's reaction to her words. Silently, she pulled him closer to her and moved her hair so it formed a protective curtain around Edward. When he finally stopped trembling, Bella pulled back. Edward looked up at Bella with haunted, yet loving eyes. Bella leaned down and kissed him; trying to fill him up with love.

"Why are you so scared, my darling? I'm here, with you. This is where I belong and where I will be forever. Tell me everything, love. Let me fight away your fears." Bella's eyes became fierce as she said her last sentence. She wanted to help him, heal him, make him realize how wonderful he truly was.

Edward bit his lip hard, his teeth slicing the stone flesh. "Bella…" He started. He didn't want to tell her more of his faults but his body responded to Bella's request without his mind's consent. "I…I can't read minds anymore…" He whispered. Then he looked down, not wanting to see the shock and disgust on Bella's face.

Bella gently tilted his chin up. She smiled at him gently. "It's ok, Edward. It's ok, love. Not everyone can be superman all the time." She kissed him softly, letting him know that his gift didn't matter. "Edward, will you play the piano for me? I want to hear my lullaby…" Bella asked Edward quietly, attempting to distract him.

It had the opposite effect. Edward's body tensed up and he began shaking again. "I can't, Bella. I'm sorry, I can't." He buried his face in her neck again and started crying.

Bella suppressed a sigh and pulled back. Edward let her, his eyes were downcast but whenever he'd glance up to make sure she was still there, Bella would see his eyes burn with sorrow, depression, and failure. Bella wanted to rip her hair out. How was she supposed to heal him when she didn't know anything about psychology?

"Edward. You can do it. Play for me. I want you to." Bella finally said. She hoped that if she was firm with him, she could help him; kind of like how she had gotten him out of his dreamscape.

Edward looked up at Bella and swallowed hard. Why did she have to force him to show her all of his weaknesses? Did she want to expose him to the world? If she left him now, Edward was sure he'd find a way to tear his own painful, aching, sensitive heart out of his body and shred it for all the pain it caused.

Edward slowly pulled himself out of Bella's arms and stood on shaky legs. Bella came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love you." She whispered. "You can do this, I _promise._" Bella's eyes were clear and Edward knew she thought she was saying the truth.

Edward stayed silent but wrapped his arms around her as well. No matter what Bella did to him, Edward would never be able to let her go.

JPOV

Jasper bathed in the happy mood of everyone in the family. It was a very nice change that he could really get used to. Although Edward and Bella had gone to Edward's room a couple of hours ago, the family stayed in the living room and talked and laughed together.

Moments later, Edward and Bella came down the stairs. Everyone looked at them in surprise; they'd expected the pair to be alone longer. Bella smiled at everyone briefly but Edward's face held a drawn, haunted look. The tension between the two was almost palpable.

Bella led Edward to the piano and sat next to him. Edward's hands trembled as he raised them to the keys. Jasper felt hot white anger pierce through him as he saw what was going on. Bella was _forcing _Edward to play for her. Jasper had no doubt that Bella knew the extent of damage done to Edward when she was gone. Why in the world would she abuse him like this?

Jasper began to take an angry step towards Bella but Alice held him back. "Just wait." She whispered in his ear. Alice didn't look happy about what was going on either, but her trust in Bella made her a pushover. Jasper let Alice hold him back but he didn't stop glowering at Bella.

Edward pressed a few keys at first and the sound that came out was terrible. All wrong. Edward cringed and began to shy away. Bella put a hand on his thigh and made him stay where he was. Without glancing back at anyone, Bella slid into Edward's lap. She positioned his hands over the keys and then placed her hands on top of his. Bella moved Edward's hands over the keys she wanted him to play and then pressed down on his fingers so they would touch the keys. Very slowly and carefully, she walked Edward's fingers over a simple song.

Jasper watched in awe as Bella slowly built Edward up. They spent the rest of the day and all of the night playing beginner pieces that Bella knew. At dawn, Edward's playing had somehow gotten better. It didn't sound bad anymore.

"Play Beethoven for me." Bella said at dawn and slid off Edward's lap.

"Which one?" Edward asked turning to her, as though no one else existed.

"Surprise me." Bella smiled and pecked Edward's lips.

Edward froze in surprise and then relaxed a little. He began to play a piece but then his fingers started playing on their own accord. He turned his head and stared deep into Bella's eyes as he played. The music was soft and sweet yet overwhelmingly sad and anguished. When Edward was done, he slumped in his seat, as if the music had taken his energy away from him.

Bella gently pulled Edward down so that his head rested in her lap and his body was curled up on the bench. She stroked his hair with one hand and used the other to play her own piece on the piano. Bella's song was way less complex and emotional compared to Edward's, but she still managed to find a way to express her own difficulties and hopes.

Edward sat up and enveloped Bella in his arms. He buried his face in her hair and his shoulders began to shake gently. Jasper looked away. It felt so wrong being here. This was about Edward and Bella and Jasper felt as though he was intruding. He silently grabbed Alice and pulled them upstairs. The rest of the family took their lead and disappeared from the living room as well.

*2 years later*

Bella had permanently moved into the Cullen's house and the atmosphere was a lot lighter than it had been a few of years ago. Edward was still dependent on Bella but he had found a way to balance his need for Bella and the desires of the rest of the family. When they were all together, Edward learned how to speak again and smile. They still hadn't heard him laugh though Bella claimed that he did at times. Bella healed Edward so much that even his mind reading started coming back to him.

"Bella, wanna go shopping?" Alice asked, poking her head into Edward's room as the couple savored a rare moment alone.

Edward and Bella were reclining on Edward's couch with their mouths firmly attached. "Jeez, guys. Don't you do anything else when you're together? You're just as bad and Rosalie and Emmett were." Alice complained as she sauntered into the room and sat on the floor.

"I beg to differ. We haven't broken a single piece of furniture and have yet to use your room as an area to act out our deepest, darkest fantasies." Edward pulled away from Bella and smirked at her.

"Eww! That is sooo gross! If you ever do that, I will toss you out of the window!" Alice pretended to vomit.

Bella laughed and then turned to Edward. She placed a hand on his cheek and closed her eyes. Alice watched closely as Bella took a deep breath. All of a sudden, Alice could see snippets of Bella's future. As suddenly as the visions had started, they soon ended. "What was that?" Alice gasped.

Bella smiled and helped Alice up. "That was me practicing lowering my shield." She said calmly.

"That was weird. I swear, Bella, you're like an unsolvable puzzle." Jasper said from the doorway. "You're emotions make no sense."

Bella laughed quietly. "If I was so predictable, your life would be boring, Jasper. And Alice, I'm sorry, but I'm can't go shopping with you. I'm going hunting with Edward." She leaned over and gave Alice a hug to show there were no hard feelings.

Alice pouted and then sighed. "Whatever. I know that you and Edward plan to secretly do dirty things in the forest. I saw that." Alice tapped her head mischievously.

"Oh, yes. Hunting is soooo filthy. Eating deer is the epitome of sin." Bella snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes. _Hunting _is." Alice snickered.

Edward sighed. "Alice. Please don't fill my head with such dirty thoughts and images. If I wished to indulge myself in colorful sexual activities, I assure you that it would not be next to a dead deer."

Jasper laughed. "Alice, honey, leave poor Edward's alone. I don't think he and Bella have crossed that boundary yet. Besides, didn't you say we had to go shopping?"

At the Jasper's "s" word, Alice suddenly hopped up. "Oh, yes! Let's go, Jasper!" She squealed and dragged him to the car.

Jasper turned back to look at Edward and Bella one last time. He saw them leaning on one another and Bella's boundaries dropped slowly. For some reason, after that, Edward's eyes closed and his body seemed to slump against the couch a little. He almost looked like he was sleeping but from his slight body movements, he was obviously awake.

Jasper pondered about what they were doing as he drove Alice to the mall. As soon as he had parked his car, a realization hit him. Edward and Bella were communicating with one another through their respective gifts. Bella let her shield down so Edward could read her thoughts and Edward let Bella take him to a semi-conscious state so she would also hear his.

**THIS WAS A LOT SHORTER THAT MY OTHER CHAPTERS. I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. REVIEWS HELP ME GET OVER MY WRITER'S BLOCK. (IT GIVES ME IDEAS AND MOTIVATIONS, TOO) THANKS FOR READING! **


	26. Chapter 26

**OMG! NEW CHAPTER. I KNOW I TOOK A BREAK FOR ALMOST FOREVER. I'M SORRY! I TRIED TO MAKE THIS CHAPTER A LITTLE LONGER TO COMPENSATE FOR THE TIME. PLEASE ENJOY! **

**DISCLAIMER: YOU KNOW THIS. I ONLY OWN THE SAD PARTS, NOTHING ELSE.**

Though Edward seemed to heal over time, Bella was still everything in his life. Like he had told her when she was human, Edward was a good actor. He could make it seem like he was ok, he could fool everyone into thinking that he would be as good as new in a few years, but it was all a lie.

When he and Bella were with the family, most of Edward's attention was focused on her. If she talked to him while someone else was talking, he couldn't focus on them anymore. Bella's voice, touch, _everything_ pulled him away from reality. But it also pulled him away from the pain.

While Edward could fool the family, he couldn't fool Bella. He knew that she could feel the insecurity, pain, and sadness still locked up inside him. She pretended he was ok in front of everyone but in private, Edward sometimes saw Bella's mask of calm and perfection slip off. "How can I help you?" She would ask him, looking deep into his eyes, her mouth pulling down at the corners.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so so so sorry." He would always reply. Edward hated being the reason Bella was sad. He wanted to make her happy; he wanted to give her the world. But she didn't want the world, she didn't want any material thing he could lavish her with, she wanted him to be ok. It was impossible, he would never be ok.

Edward watched as Bella struggled to heal him. She slowly built him up. She taught him how to hunt again. She taught him how to beat Jasper in chess. She taught him all the things he had once planned to teach her. The irony of the situation was not lost on Edward. It was just that he was lost in Bella.

The worst day of Edward's life arrived when Bella told him she planned to try something new. Even without knowing the details, he had a gut feeling this new tactic wouldn't work. "Edward, I think we should try to test how far you've gotten." Bella purred in his ear, tightening her arms around his body.

"Please, no. I-I don't think I can handle any kind of testing." Edward whimpered desperately into Bella's arms.

"You can. You will." Bella tilted his chin up so that she could see his eyes. "Do you remember when you said you couldn't play the piano anymore? Well, you can now. You're getting better, Edward. You just need a little extra push so that I know where to go from here." Bella explained gently, running her hands through his hair.

Edward closed his eyes and tried to hold in the panic. "What kind of testing are we doing?" He asked nervously.

Bella smiled. "Nothing too traumatizing. Alice has been dying to take me shopping. I'm going to go with her."

Edward narrowed his eyes. "That's it?" Shopping didn't sound like a test at all.

Bella nodded and then cupped Edward's cheek. "But, my love, it's just going to be me, Alice and Rosalie. No boys."

Edward froze for a moment, struggling to comprehend what Bella was saying. "No! Bella, I can't stay away from you, you know that. I'll go insane! Please, please don't do this to me!" He begged.

"Edward, I'm not going away. I _promise. _Think about it, how long can a shopping trip be? Six hours at the most? It will probably be less and then I'll be right back." She tried to sooth him but Edward was already breaking down.

He wrung his hands and trembled. "No…no…please. I can't handle six hours. I can't handle four hours. I can't handle one hour. Bella, please, don't…don't do this to me." He grabbed her hands and pressed them to his dead stone heart. "I won't survive it."

Bella sighed and drew Edward to her so that she could envelope him in her scent. "My darling, why are you so scared? You will be fine, I have faith in you."

Edward shook his head vehemently. "No. I won't be fine. What if you don't come back? What if you get hurt? What if you finally understand how messed up I am? I can't let you go." He started sobbing.

Bella sighed sadly and pulled him into her arms, using her scent to calm him down. "Love. I _swear _I'll come back. I can't get hurt now, I'm finally a vampire, and my darling, I know what is wrong with you. I know how to heal you. I will stay with you forever. Do you understand me?_ Forever_, Edward, _forever_." She ran her hands through his hair, and tugged slightly at the ends, gently coaxing Edward to tilt his chin back up.

When he looked up, anguished eyes met Bella's. "Bella." He whispered, his voice breaking over her name. "We promised each other forever before. But then you were gone, and I couldn't bring you back. For ten years, a _decade, _Bella, I tried to hold on. But then I finally went insane. And it was after that insanity that you showed up. You brought me back to life. But you're so perfect. Sometimes I look at you and can't believe that you're with me. I wonder if I'm hallucinating. I wonder if you'll disappear again after I become mentally stable. I'm scared, Bella. I'm scared that if I leave you for one minute, if I don't please you every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every year, you'll go away. You tell me that you're back, but I don't know how. How am I just supposed to just believe your back? Bella, your pulse died out beneath my fingertips. I kissed your body with everything I had and the only thing I got in return was your blood staining my hands forever." Edward took a deep, shuddering breath and then continued. "Bella, I love you. I don't know how to prove it to you and I don't know how I'm supposed to heal. I don't know anything anymore. I just want to be intoxicated with your scent forever and not have to deal with anything. It's so much easier than what goes through my head. Please, Bella. Don't test me. Don't leave me. This is one test I can't pass. Not for my life, not for my sanity." Edward's eyes dropped from Bella's surprised face and the couple sat in silence for a while.

Bella struggled to process everything Edward had told her. She had known most of his fears already and she desperately wanted to tell him how she had died but she had a feeling that he wasn't ready for it. He wouldn't be able to keep himself together if he realized that he had buried her alive. If he had just waited another two days, this would have never happened. Bella had already gotten all of the other Cullens to swear to her that they wouldn't tell Edward how she came back to life. She wanted to tell him at the right time, the right moment.

"My love?" Bella murmured into Edward's ear.

"Bella." Edward looked up at her as though she was a goddess.

"Don't panic. Please. I'm not going now. I'm not going today. Relax, calm down. Enjoy yourself." She stroked his cheek and claimed his lips for her own.

Edward let Bella kiss him, enjoying her endless love. "When will you leave? Will you tell me?" He asked hesitantly when Bella finally pulled away.

"Mmm…no. I don't think so." Bella cradled Edward's head to her chest, still stroking his face. "You'll just end up being tenser."

Edward shook his head, nuzzling her collarbone in the process. "Please tell me, love. I need to prepare. If you don't tell me, I think I will explode from the anxiety."

Bella laughed, her voice like chimes. "No, you won't. That would be counterproductive and I'd be very upset." She stroked Edward's cheek lovingly.

"Please, Bella." Edward begged, grabbing her hand.

Bella's eyes darkened slightly with some unreadable emotion and then she squeezed his hand. "Soon." She murmured. "But don't worry about that now. Will you play for me?"

Edward sighed and moved away from Bella. "Anything for you." He whispered in return.

Bella smiled and grabbed his hand as he led them down stairs to the piano.

The next day, Bella pulled away from Edward's embrace at eight in the morning, five hours earlier than usual.

"Bella?" Edward questioned as he watched Bella change her clothes. They hadn't been intimate yet but Edward still wasn't able to take his eyes off Bella for even a moment.

"I'm going shopping, Edward." Bella replied, trying up her hair now.

Edward's expression tightened. "How long will you be away?" He asked, slipping to her side and caressing her face lightly with his fingertips.

"A few hours." Bella shrugged. "I don't know, Edward." When she saw the frightened expression on Edward's face, she quickly continued. "But, my love, I will have my cell phone on me. If things get too rough, call me. Ok? Call me if you can't handle it anymore, I swear I won't be mad and I'll come home as quickly as possible."

Edward nodded tightly and kissed her desperately.

Bella responded with a calm, slow kiss and then pulled away with a smile. "You'll be fine. I know it." She kissed his forehead, nose, lips, and chin.

Edward simply stared back at Bella with a blank expression of shock and let her lead him downstairs.

JPOV

Jasper frowned at the emotions coming from upstairs. Edward's emotions seemed to fluctuate more than the weather. One moment he was anguished and the other he was perfectly content. At the moment, Edward's emotions had just gone from hopeful to agonizing. Jasper cradled his head in his hands as he tried to fight off Edward's sad vibes.

"I'm sorry, Jaz." Alice purred in Jasper's ear, wrapping her tiny body around his on the couch.

"Alice!" Bella's voice rang from the stairs.

"Bella." Alice smiled in surprise.

Jasper looked up to see a radiant Bella and a crushed, scared Edward. "What's going on?" He asked quietly.

"I'm going shopping." Bella said brightly. "Would you like to come with me, Alice? It's going to be girls only, I wonder if Rosalie would like to come…" She mused out loud.

"Forget it." Rosalie said in a bored tone from her room.

Bella just shrugged and then smiled at Alice. "So, what do you say?"

Jasper could feel Alice's discomfort at leaving Edward in the house while Bella was elsewhere. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jasper asked for himself and Alice.

Bella nodded. "Of course. I've been thinking about this for a while now. So, you coming, Alice? Or am I going to have to shop alone?" She asked playfully.

"Sure. Let's go." Alice said hesitantly.

"Wonderful." Bella purred. She turned and gave Edward a quick peck on the lips before making her way to the garage.

Alice frowned. "Well, take care, guys." She said and then proceeded to give both Jasper and Edward a hug. "You'll be okay." She whispered into Edward's ear.

Jasper could feel Edward trying to clamp down on the panic. "Need help?" He asked quietly.

Edward shook his head desperately, silently. Jasper sighed. Bella hadn't even left the house and Edward was already spiraling back to his self-depreciating state. Jasper struggled to refrain himself from calling Bella back. Edward obviously wasn't ready for this yet.

EPOV

Edward dragged himself to the couch and sat down. His mind was racing as he thought off all the possibilities of Bella disappearing, leaving, getting hurt. He took a deep breath and attempted to steady himself. _Bella is coming back. She promised. Everything will be okay. _Edward repeated in his head over and over, trying to calm down.

Nothing helped. Edward got up and decided to play the piano. It had helped him calm down before, though, admittedly, it didn't feel right playing if Bella wasn't next to him. His fingers skimmed the keys and then he tried playing a song. It didn't sound right. Edward played again, trying to change the tune. It still didn't sound right. The music was slow, sad, lonely. Edward didn't want to hear it. He flung himself off the piano bench and desperately thought of something else to do. Something that would keep both his fingers and mind busy.

Without giving his decision too much thought, Edward ran into Carlisle's study and pulled out a large sheet of white paper. Then, he slipped into Alice's room and grabbed her color pencils. Once he had collected his items, Edward proceeded to his room and began to draw the human body. He drew a man on one side and a woman on the other. He meticulously labeled all the muscles, organs, and bones, and proceeded to color them in a different colors so the reader could distinguish between the different parts. Once he was done, he sat back on his heels and looked at his work. It looked pathetic. Edward glanced up at the clock. It had hardly been half an hour since Bella walked out the door. Fear started to set in again. _When was Bella coming back?_

Edward took a deep breath and ripped his drawing into shreds. He then started all over with an even larger sheet of paper and in the extra room provided, listed all of the possible diseases and injuries that could happen to each particular body part. When he finished, he studied it again. Everything was there. The drawing was chaotic and after reading over his list of how many ways a human could get hurt, Edward panicked again.

He got up and restlessly paced the floor. Every time he heard a thought about Bella, he'd let out a snarl. Edward felt his sanity slipping away and he knew that he desperately needed Bella back. But just as he started to dial her number, his pride got in the way. Bella wanted him to be okay for a few hours. Edward knew he wouldn't be able to handle the disappointed look on Bella's face when she had to come back home early because Edward couldn't manage himself. Edward harshly ran his hands over his face as he tried to come up with something else to do. Something that would keep him occupied but would also take a ridiculously long amount of time.

For the first time in a long time, Edward forced himself to sit down and think. That was a big mistake. While he tried to brainstorm ideas, his doubts plagued him more than before. _Bella isn't coming back. She's gone. You're alone, again. _Edward took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. A house. He was going to recreate the house that he and Bella had been living in, in his hallucination. But he would do it without tools. Edward nodded. That should take enough time.

He hurried to his room and shoved the carpets aside so the bare wood floor showed. Then he ran outside and found a thick branch. Breaking the smaller twigs and leaves off of it, he carried the branch into his room. His family's surprised and confused thoughts followed him. Edward ignored everyone and focused on his task. He did multiple mathematical calculations in his head, scaling down the house and figuring out the length and width for each room. Carefully, he broke off pieces of the branch and used his hands to wear down the rough edges until they were smooth. Next, he used his long fingers as measurements to determine the length and marked the beginning and end with his nail. He then used his teeth as scissors to cut the wood and make it into the floor.

Edward meticulously worked on his house for hours, steadily ignoring the thoughts from his family when they came up and saw him working with an intense frenzy. The only thought to break him out of his rhythm was Rosalie's. _No wonder she went shopping. He's so messed up she probably needed a break. I'm glad Emmett isn't like that; taking care of him would be such a burden. _Edward froze for a second. Was he a burden on Bella? He didn't want to be. He desperately threw himself into making the house once again. _Don't think. Don't think. _He chanted in his mind. _But what if Bella has had enough of me? What if she took Alice out with her so she could leave and let Alice tell me the news? _Edward clenched his teeth in an attempt to bite back the panic.

Even though he was working, Edward could feel the minutes pass by. They taunted him as they moved on. Edward trembled. Bella wasn't coming back. It had been hours. He closed his eyes and then looked back at his house. It was complete; with a roof, three rooms, a wooden floor, and four outer walls with brick like patterns on them. Bella wasn't back yet. He needed something to do. Edward focused back on the house. There had to be something more he would do. Windows! Edward dashed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass and came back. He carefully scrapped away at one of the walls so that he could make room for a large (in ratio to the house) window. As he worked, his eyes traveled to the clock. It had been five hours and 45 minutes and Bella still wasn't back yet. _She's not coming back. _A voice in Edward's head said. He closed his eyes and sobbed quietly in his mind. _No. Don't leave me, not yet._ He begged silently.

Edward managed to slice the glass with his teeth so it would fit snugly into the whole he had created in the house. His hands shook furiously as he attempted to line up the window with the hole. _She's gone. I'm alone again. _He pressed the glass against the wood. It wouldn't fit. Why? Why wasn't this working? Edward tried lining up the glass to the wood again. Bella's smell wafted up the stairs to him. _I'm losing it. _He tried fitting the glass in again but it wouldn't work. He needed to make the window fit! He needed to complete the house! _It's never going to be complete; I'm never going to be complete. _He heard Bella call his name. _I've lost it. I'm insane again. Just as I was getting better, I'm worthless again. _Edward let out a single soft sob.

He faltered for a minute and could feel Bella's presence in the room. "My Love." Her voice was soft, angelic. Light, gentle fingertips touched his shoulders. Edward closed his eyes and shoved the glass against the wood in a last attempted to get it to fit. _Please don't break. I need this. I need to know I can do something. _Edward begged mentally. The house broke. The glass shattered under the pressure of Edward's finger and the wood caved and splintered. Edward let out an anguished snarled and pulverized the house. All of his hard work was for nothing. He was nothing. After completely destroying the house, Edward crawled into the corner and sobbed.

"Edward. My darling. What's wrong?" Bella's voice drifted to his ears. It was too beautiful. She wasn't here. Edward was hallucinating about her again.

He laughed hollowly. _I'm so insane. I'm so messed up. I'm such a burden on everyone around me. _He clawed at his hair. The pain in his chest was growing again. Damn heart. He needed it to stop hurting. He needed to get away. Edward blindly stood up and walked out to the balcony to throw himself over when a body intercepted him. Bella.

"Stop. Stop it. Don't hurt yourself, I'm here. It's ok. I'm here." She removed his hands from his head and held them firmly to his side so he wasn't injuring himself anymore.

"No." He whispered brokenly. "You're not here. I'm seeing things. You're gone. I waited for you for so long. You left me because I'm a burden. I'm too messed up to handle."

Bella gaped. "What?" She screeched. "Listen to me." She growled, letting go of Edward's hands and grabbing his face. "I am _real. _You can't hallucinate me. I'm too good for that. If you can hear me, feel me, touch me, smell me, I am _here. _I didn't come this far with you to see you crashing down. You are not messed up, you are recovering. Yes, I took long, but I thought you were ok because you didn't call me. Edward, _listen to me, _I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Do you understand? You're stuck with me for the rest of forever." Bella's voice rang through Edward's ears and shot down to his heart. The pain started to ease.

"I love you too." He whispered. "So much." Edward hesitantly brought his hands up and caressed her face. "I can't live without you. I told you not to test me. I can't do it. I can't survive without you."

Bella's eyes softened. "Oh, my love. Why don't you understand that I'm not going anywhere?" She kissed him gently and Edward felt the edges of his heart start to heal.

"Because Bella, I…I'm so messed up…am I a burden to you? He blurted out the last part, desperately needing an answer.

Bella's face contorted in fury. "No!" She hissed. Her hisses seemed more menacing than her growls. "Who told you that? I'll happily skin them alive."

"Nobody." Edward said, taking a small step back. He didn't love Rosalie but Bella's threat seemed genuine and Edward didn't want a family brawl because of him.

"Tell me or else I won't let you go." Bella threatened as she stepped closer and tightened her grip on his hair and neck.

"Please never let me go." Edward whispered back, leaning in to inhale Bella's scent even though she seemed awfully dangerous at the moment.

Bella sighed, letting her anger slowly dissipate. "You need to stop listening to whoever told you that. I love you. Why is that so hard to believe?" She asked.

"Because look at me! I'm so useless. I'm messed up and can't do anything without your help and-" Edward started emphatically before Bella cut him off.

"That's what you think. You want to know what I think?" Bella asked.

Edward nodded solemnly.

"I'll show you." Bella pulled Edward to his bed and crawled on top of him when he laid down on it. "I see loyalty." She looked into his eyes. "I feel love." She kissed his lips. "I see beauty." She ripped Edward's shirt open and admired his scared yet muscular torso. "I feel strength and the desire to please." She ran her hands down his body, from his shoulders to his waist. "Need more?" She asked as Edward shivered.

Edward nodded but pulled her in for a thirsty kiss first. "Bella. Look at me." He gestured to his torso. "Look at these hideous scars. Ever single vampire has a beautiful body like mine. I feel fake. I feel ugly." He whispered.

Bella's eyes blazed and she shoved him back into a laying position. "I love every single scar on your body because I know that each and every one of them is for me. You're mine, Edward. You were made for me. There is no way I couldn't love you. You're beauty isn't fake, it's wonderful. Your scars only serve to make me even more attracted to you." The last part came out as a growl as Bella proceeded to emphasize her words with actions.

First, she grabbed Edward's left arm and kissed each and every scar. Then she moved up his arm, lavishing his muscles with moist kisses. Edward let out a small moan as Bella made her way across his shoulders and collarbone to his right arm. When she was done, Bella sat up and let her eyes feast on Edward's raising and falling chest. "Beautiful." She murmured, resting her hands against his skin. Edward brought his hands to Bella's waist, wanting to caress her the same way she was caressing him. But Bella shook her head. "My turn only." Her voice came out as a seductive growl and Edward drew in a breath. Bella grinned and captured his mouth and gave him a deep, rough kiss. Edward responded with passion as he felt something stir deep inside of him: the feeling of lust awakening for the first time in over a decade.

"Bella." Edward voice came out as a growl.

Bella smirked and growled back at him playfully while her eyes darkened. Edward closed his eyes and felt all of his muscles clench as Bella explored his exposed body with her hands and lips. When she made her way down to his waist, Edward stiffened. A small part of him didn't want to lose his virginity like this. Not in a crazy moment of passion. He wanted to do it right. But the desperate part of Edward felt thrilled. Bella wanted him. She didn't care what he looked like or how inferior he was, she still wanted him. And for that, she could take him any way she wanted. Edward warred with himself, trying to decide what he wanted.

Thankfully, Bella made the decision for him. She kissed her way back up his body and stopped to pay special attention to his heart. Edward sighed as he felt her lips press against his skin. Suddenly, Edward felt teeth against his chest. Bella bit him! Her venom seeped through his skin and down to his heart. He felt his dead heart beat once and the venom in his veins moved less than a millimeter but Edward felt his body hum with Bella's venom.

She looked up, eyeing his reaction to her marking him. Edward growled and pulled her down, kissing her passionately. Instinct told him to take her. To give her as much pleasure as he could and make her writhe beneath him. When he flipped Bella over, he felt her go rigid and slip out of his grasp.

BPOV

Bella hated herself. She nearly took advantage of Edward! It was only when he had pinned her down that she realized what she was doing. She felt the magnetic pull between her and Edward, enticing her into his open embrace again. She backed herself into the corner as Edward set up with a confused and hurt expression on his face.

"Bella." He whispered quietly, holding out his hand. "Come back to me."

Bella shook her head vehemently. She needed to think and she couldn't do that when Edward looked so devastatingly attractive in front of her. "Hold on. I need to think." She said shakily as Edward got off the bed and started to come forward.

Edward frowned and sat across from her, clad only in his jeans. "About what? Why did you stop?" He asked, reaching for her again, almost as though he couldn't control himself.

Bella reached forward and grabbed his hand, not wanting to make him feel unworthy. "Edward, that's not the way I want our first time to be. I-it-everything just got out of hand. I'm sorry, I nearly took advantage of you." She looked away, ashamed.

"Bella, I don't care about first times. I want you and that's all I care about. Besides, it's not called taking advantage if the other person is willing." He offered her a smile and moved closer to stroke her cheek. "Look at me, Bella. You're so beautiful."

Bella looked up at him, feeling herself brim over with love. She launched herself into his lap, pressing her face against his neck. "I love you, Edward. So so so much."

Edward smiled. "Me too."

**HOW DID YOU LIKE THAT? GOOD? BAD? HATE BELLA? HAPPY THEY ARE FINALLY GOING SOMEWHERE? LOL. I'M SORRY FOR THE MINOR-PRE-LEMON SCENE, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A LEMON AND I SUCK AT IT. JUST SAYING. OH AND I APPOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE MISTAKES. ITS LATE AND I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP BUT I REALLY WANTED TO FINISH THIS FOR YOU GUYS. PLZ REVIEW! THANKS FOR BEING PATIENT. **


	27. Chapter 27

**ALL RIGHT, LOVELIES. I FINALLY DECIDED TO GET MY LAZY, BUSY BUTT MOVING AND UPDATE. I HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything**

Edward leaned against the side of the house, warily watching Bella and Jasper fight one another. His instincts told him to jump in the fray and pull Bella away but he knew they were just practicing. His mind and body warred once again. Edward's hands clenched tightly as Jasper suddenly knocked Bella to the ground and jumped on her. Before his body hit her, however, Bella rolled out of the way and lunged at him. They wrestled on the ground for a moment before Jasper managed to shove Bella into a tree, cracking the trunk. Bella's head and limbs snapped back from the force and Edward watched with horror, knowing that if Bella was still human, she would have been broken and bloody by now. Just the thought of that made bile rise up in Edward's throat.

He slid down to the ground and covered his mouth with his hand. It had been a long time since he'd last vomited and he wasn't about to start again. Bella didn't need to worry about him anymore than she already did. Edward closed his eyes as the heard another body being smashed into a tree, he couldn't tell if it was Jasper or Bella, he didn't want to know.

There was more thrashing and the blood just refused to stay in Edward's stomach. _Breathe. _He told himself. But when he inhaled, Bella's smell filled his sense. It was too strong. Something was wrong. Panic welled up inside him and he clamped the hand down harder, eyes tightly closed.

"Edward?" Bella's voice broke through his panic. "Are you ok?"

He nodded. Edward didn't dare speak, for fear that the blood would spill out. He felt Jasper's concerned thoughts reach out to him, trying to soothe him. But as Jasper stepped forward and tried to influence Edward's emotions, Bella stopped him. "Let Edward handle this. He can do it." Her voice held quiet determination.

Edward knew he couldn't let Bella down now. He swallowed back hard, twice, and this breathed deeply through his nose, forcing himself to calm. At last, he opened his eyes to look at his concerned love and brother staring at him. He gave them a weak smile and pulled himself to his feet.

"I'm ok." He rasped.

Bella nodded, beaming at him.

"Are you sure?" Jasper frowned. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I just...freaked out, I guess." Edward shrugged as though it were nothing.

Jasper glanced at Bella, wondering if their fighting was what caused Edward's panic. "Should we stop?" He asked hesitantly, glancing between Edward and Bella.

"No." They both said at the same time. Bella raised an eyebrow at Edward in surprise and then grinned with pride. Edward smiled back, happy that he was finally getting better.

Once Jasper and Bella finished attempting to beat one another up, Bella dragged Edward upstairs to their room. Edward had barely closed the door when Bella jumped on him, devouring his mouth. "I. Am. So. Proud. Of. You." She murmured against his skin between kisses.

"Love you." Was all Edward was able to get out before Bella's lips descended upon his once more.

"Mm…" She hummed happily, tangling her hands in his hair as he responded back eagerly. "I love your hair. And you lips. And you arms. And your chest." Edward tightened his arms around her, crushing her to him as Bella's hands wandered down to his shoulder and chest.

A shiver ran through Edward's body as Bella continued to let her hands trail down his torso and caress any free inch of skin she could find.

"Bella…" A quiet moan escaped his lips. Edward's hands trailed over Bella's body on their own accord. "Please…" He gasped, not even knowing what he was asking for.

"Yeeees?" Bella drawled out the word against Edward's throat.

Edward let out a low growl as Bella's hands traced the "v" muscles that led to his manhood. Instinct was quickly taking over and Edward blindly sought Bella's lips as his hands went haywire trying to find her skin.

Bella purred happily as Edward's lips wandered down her throat her to collarbone, sucking there. "Yes." She whispered, holding him still.

"Edward? Bella?" Alice's voice suddenly broke the moment and Bella jumped a foot in the air. "I didn't hear her." Bella breathed.

"Me neither." Edward grinned at the sight of a ruffled Bella. "Yes, Alice?" He called out a little louder.

"Are you too ok in there? You're too quiet to be doing usual stuff but too noisy to be sucking face…" She trailed off.

"They are having _personal time._ Right, Edward?" Emmett called from the second floor. His dirty thoughts invaded Edward's mind.

"No, Emmett. We are waiting for you. What's taking you so long?" Bella said sweetly, winking up at Edward.

He raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.

"Um…what?" Emmett asked after a moment of total silence, refusing to even think about what Bella was implying.

Bella burst out laughing. "Jeez, Em. Don't sound so excited." She giggled. Edward grinned down at her and rolled his eyes.

Emmett snorted. "And how does Edward feel about this?"

"Oh, he's as ready as can be." Bella purred, batting her eyelashes at an unimpressed Edward.

"Seriously? What happened to waiting on marriage?" Emmett asked. Edward could almost see the smirk on his face.

"Oh, baby. When it comes to you _and _Bella, I just can't wait that long. Besides, I can only legally get married to one." Edward finally decided to join the fun and tease Emmett.

Emmett made a chocking noise. "Wait. Did I just hear you say that?" He asked in disbelief. "Damn Bella, what have you done to the old Edward?"

Bella laughed. "You don't wanna know." She beamed up at Edward, so happy and playful that he almost felt whole. He could almost forget that terrible period in his life when he though Bella was dead. He could almost believe Bella was his forever.

"Let's go for a run." Edward murmured, kissing Bella's cheek and taking her hand.

"But I thought you guys were waiting for me!" Emmett called up.

"Too late." Edward said, kissing Bella soundly. "We are having too much fun on our own." He turned and jumped out the window before anyone could say thing else.

"Catch me." Bella grinned and jumped out of Edward's arms even before he landed. Edward took of the second his toes touched the ground, using Bella's scent to guide him. In a few seconds he saw a flash of brown whip through the air in front of him and he took off in that direction.

"Bella." He cooed after a few moments, unable to find her. Her scent was on every tree, making it very hard to distinguish where she was hiding.

All of a sudden, Edward felt something land on his back. "Got you!" Bella crowed, straddling his waist from behind.

Edward laughed and brought her forward. "You always had me." He whispered into her skin, kissing her sweetly.

Bella eagerly threw her arms around his shoulders, tilting her head back to give him room to kiss her neck. "You have a knack for making every moment romantic." She sighed.

Edward sighed again Bella's skin too; but while hers was happy, his was sad. "We don't have enough moments like this." He looked up warily from Bella's neck into her deep brown eyes. "I still feel like I'll open my eyes one day and you'll be gone. And I know that's not true, but I just can't help it." He looked down, carefully tracing Bella's collarbone with a fingertip.

Bella slowly unwound her body from Edward's, and tilted his chin up so she could look into his eyes once more. "My love, why? Why can't you just believe that I'm here, with you, forever? What should I do?" Her voice betrayed the desperation she had hid for so long.

"Nothing. Bella, it's not your fault. Your perfect." Edward grabbed her hands, trying to convince her. "It's me. I'm just so screwed up." He sighed, running his hands through his hair roughly. "I've just been alone so long, and I keep losing you…" Edward voice trailed off and his eyes filled with venom that he would never shed.

Bella turned around suddenly and in a rare display of anger, she smashed a tree to smithereens. Once it was a heap at her feet, she turned back to Edward, her chest rising and falling aggressively. Edward's eyes widened, as he watched her stride closer and closer towards him.

"Edward. What exactly do you have issues with? Is it me being alive? Or me being yours?" Bella's eyes darkened until Edward was starting into coal black irises.

Edward swallowed heavily. "Both, I think. But more you being mine. Because you are so perfect and beautiful and-"

Bella cut him off. "Can I marry you?" She blurted out.

Edward stared at her, stunned. Of all the things for her to say, he had never imagined her asking him that. "Uh…yeah…I mean…sure." He stuttered. And then his brain finally caught up with him and he found himself smiling so hard it hurt. In a moment, he was on his knees, kissing Bella's hand. "Yes, my love. I really want you to marry me, please."

Bella smiled, as though she hadn't been expecting him to say that. "Thanks." She whispered and joined him on the ground, kissing his lips gently.

Edward pulled back first. "No, I should be thanking you. I've been so caught up in you I didn't even realize that we could get married." He laughed softly and then looked down at her hand. "I should get you a ring." A shadow passed across his face and then it cleared as he leaned down and kissed her ring finger.

"I still have your first one." Bella said, sliding her fingertips beneath Edward's skin so she would be able to see his reaction as she showed him the ring.

Edward watched, entranced as Bella pulled out a thin, clear piece of string from her shirt. It was so delicate that Edward had never noticed it before. At the end of the string, there was a small heart shaped gold box. "May I open it?" Edward asked, wanting to touch his mother's ring.

Bella nodded and smiled, taking the chain off and giving it to him. Edward carefully pried the box open and found the old ring snuggled in between two velvet cousins, still as beautiful as the day he had received it from Carlisle.

"You kept this." Edward whispered, fingering the precious stones.

Bella nodded. "I always had it. It reminded me of you. It reminded me that our love could last forever, just like this ring." She reached out and touched it too, unable to hold back.

Edward grabbed her hand and slid the ring on her finger. "Right where it belongs." He murmured to himself and kissed both her hand and the ring. "Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how much the ring and you mean to me." He enveloped her in his arms and held her tight. "You're my everything." He whispered into her hair, kissing her and closing his eyes.

Bella smiled as she held her there, feeling more cherished than ever. "Oh, Edward. I love you. So, so, so much."

Eventually, Bella pulled herself out of Edward's grasp. "We have to go home." She said, wistfully stroking his cheek.

Edward smiled and nodded. Bella slid her hand in his as he stood. "I'm so happy." He sighed. A light smile lingered on his face and Bella had never seen him more alive.

"Edward?" Bella's hand lightly touched his bicep.

"Hm…love?" Edward leaned down and nuzzled her.

Bella took a deep breath. "I'm happy too but can we not tell anyone about our engagement because I really want to let people know but I'm not ready for a big party and I know that if we tell everyone, arraignments will start from now and I just don't think I can handle it." She gushed out, afraid of Edward's reaction.

Edward just laughed. "Of course, love. We can do whatever you want." He beamed down at her. "When do you want to get married?"

"As soon as possible." Bella answered immediately, passion lighting up her eyes.

Edward grinned. "Me too." He pulled Bella up to him, kissing her passionately.

Back in Edward's room, Bella pulled out their laptop and began searching for places to get married. "You weren't joking when you said as soon as possible." Edward observed, playing with Bella's hair.

"Of course not." Bella said, not looking up from the screen, fingers flying over the board. "I want you in every way possible as soon as I can." She said matter-of-factly.

Edward stopped playing with her hair. "But love, you _have _me. You can take anything from me. Bella, if this is about doing things right and saving my virtue until after marriage, I don't care. I swear. All I want is you." He gripped her hand tightly, coaxing her to look at him with one finger.

"I know." Bella's eyes turned a shade darker, but not dark enough to get dangerous. "But _I _want to. _I _care." She leaned closer to him, her breath fanning his face. "Edward, our time apart taught me so much. I want this for us. I want to be yours in every way possible and do things right. We've waited long enough and now we understand the true value of one another. Getting married before having sex isn't a moral issue for me. It's my way of trying to get you back. You had values, and as much as I hated them, I respected them. I want you to have values again. I want you to have something other than me to rule you're actions. Understand?" She asked, cupping his face gently.

Edward nodded. "Yeah. Thank you, Bella. I owe you so much." He kissed her sweetly.

Bella smiled. "You're welcome, darling. Ok, now look here, I've found the perfect place."

JPOV

Something changed in Edward after he came back from the hunt. His emotions seemed a little more stable, he was a little happier. Jasper wanted to ask Bella what she had done but he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer from her, at least not in front of Edward. Bella was extremely careful with what she said around Edward, afraid that one wrong move would make him relapse into depression.

Just two hours after returning home, Edward and Bella showed up in the living room, asking everyone to come down and talk to them. Once the family had assembled, Edward sat forward in his seat and started talking. His eyes shone in excitement. The expression on his face had been absent for so long that he seemed almost ethereal, explaining that he and Bella were going on a vacation the next day and would be gone for a week.

Perhaps the most surprising part for Jasper was that Edward was doing all the talking. And for the first time, he neither looked at Bella after every word nor did he squeeze her hand tightly the whole time. And Bella's calm, dancing eyes told Jasper that she had carefully planned for this to happen, and everything was going perfectly.

As soon as Edward finished, Jasper agreed with his idea. He still thought Edward and Bella needed more alone time without the family and he didn't want anyone's rejection to bring Edward down. Excitement, surprise, and suspicion passed through the family as they process what Edward said.

"Why are you going so soon?" Alice asked. She had already voiced that she agreed with Jasper but couldn't tell why Edward and Bella were in such a hurry.

At the question, Edward _did _turn to Bella. "Oh, we just thought some personal time would be nice. I mean, it's really hard for me to devote all my attention to Edward when I have someone like Jasper who I can train with. It's just too tempting." She smiled and shook her head ruefully. "Also, I think it's time we started expanding Edward's mind reading skills. It's good that he's managing well in the house but I think we should see how far his range is and how much he can handle. We'll be going to Vegas for vacation so there should be plenty of opportunities to hone Edward's abilities there."

Bella spoke with confidence. And although Jasper felt that she was hiding something, he couldn't find it within himself to care because whatever Bella had planned obviously made Edward happy. Jasper nodded his head in agreement. "Good idea." He said before anyone else had the chance to open their mouth.

"What are you, Bella's cheerleader?" Rosalie sneered. She simply reeked of jealousy and mistrust. "You're just all over everything she says. And Bella, why can't you stay here and do you little test on Edward, or wait? What's the hurry?" Rosalie raised her eyebrows challengingly.

"Nothing. And I think Jasper simply agrees with me since he has a brain and can see that the idea makes sense. Think about it Rosalie, put your pigheadedness in the back of your mind for a second and think about what I'm saying. If it doesn't seem right to you, tell me what's wrong. If you can't come up with anything, then please don't speak." Bella said reasonably, her voice hardening towards the end.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and sneered.

"Well, Bella, I think that's a good idea. Do you guys need help packing?" Esme asked, trying to stop Rosalie from inciting Bella's anger.

"No, thanks. We've got it." Bella smiled and pulled Edward up with her when she stood. "I'll see you all in the morning." And she and Edward disappeared upstairs.

EPOV

Edward couldn't keep the smile off his face as he drove to Vegas. They were going over 100 miles per hour and the closer they got, the more excited he and Bella became. Their kisses became more frequent, they laughing at everything and a general feeling of joy spread through the car.

"I'm so glad this is happening. I've waited for this moment for so long. It seems…surreal." Edward smiled, kissing the back of Bella's hand.

"I agree." Bella kissed Edward's cheek and then pointed to a hotel. I believe that's where we are staying."

"You want to go there first?" Edward asked in confusion. He thought they would get married and then head back to the hotel.

"Well, duh." Bella laughed. "We may not be having a large insane wedding but we still have to get ready. I refuse to get married looking like I just spent three full days in a car."

"But you have." Edward smiled. "Are there clothes there for us?"

Bella nodded. "Yup. I had everything sent to our rooms. Trust me, it's not much, but I really do want to wear a dress on my wedding day, even if it is only me and you." She leaned against him, holding one of his hands tightly in both of hers.

Inside their hotel room, Edward found a pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt waiting for him. Next to his clothes was a simple yet beautiful deep blue dress. "Do you like it?" Bella asked from behind him.

"My love, you will look stunning in anything. But yes, I do like it." Edward smiled.

Bella grinned. "Thanks. Ok, I'm the lady so I get the bathroom. You have to change in the room." And she fled to the bathroom with her dress before Edward could reply.

Edward laughed, his heart felt so light with the knowledge that he and Bella were less than an hour away from being married. He quickly changed and then went to the large mirror in the front of the room to do something about his hair. He tried to calm it down or make some sense of it but it was stubborn as always.

"Leave it. Your hair is amazing the way it is." Bella's voice drifted through the room like a melody.

Edward spun around to look at Bella and gasped. "You look stunning." He breathed. She had piled her hair on top of her head and wore his favorite smile. She was breathtaking without any makeup or jewelry.

Bella smiled shyly. "Thank you. You look amazing yourself." Then she held out her hand, leading him to his car.

They had one of those boring drive through weddings but Edward hardly noticed anything but Bella the whole time. Her eyes danced in the dim light and her voice stole his breath away. As soon as Edward had the marriage contract in his hand, Bella kissed him fiercely and ordered him to drive back to the hotel as soon as possible.

They hardly got through the front door when Bella attacked Edward. "Hold on, love." Edward mumbled against her lips as he struggled to close the door and lock it.

Bella laughed and pulled away. "Fine." Her eyes danced with mischief. Edward turned to make sure the door was properly locked and when he turned back, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Bella had torn the dress away and now stood in front of him in her full glory.

"Oh my…" Edward couldn't even complete his sentence as lust made all his thoughts fly out the window. "May I?" He reached out to her, always the gentleman.

Bella shook her head, crawling to the middle of their king sized bed. "Nope. You have to come here. Tonight, I'm going to prove to you that I'm real and I'm yours."

Edward didn't waste another second, stripping off everything before climbing onto the bed with her. That night, they made love in every way possible, not stopping to even breathe until dawn.

Sunlight shone through the window, making Bella's skin sparkle dimly in the early morning. "God, you're so beautiful." Edward murmured into her shoulder, kissing her skin languidly.

"Mm…you too." Bella tilted her head back, exposing her neck to him and allowing her hands to wander in his hair as he kissed her skin.

Edward's hands wandered, his body still not satiated even after their intense wedding night. "Oh, darling. Don't you ever get tired?" Bella asked, laughing, as Edward's hands tickled her stomach.

"With you? Never." Edward grinned and captured her lips with his own.

Bella smiled too, and then stared deep into Edward's eyes with her own. "Edward? Do you believe I'm alive now? Do you believe I'm yours?"

Edward's loving expression froze. Bella's comments forced his mind to stray to thoughts he didn't want to think about. He just wanted to bathe in the pleasure of her love all day but her questions just ruined the moment. "Bella…I…" He didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought of it yet.

At Edward's indecision, Bella ripped herself away from his grasp, the hurt in her eyes apparent. "Bella, wait!" Edward reached out to her but she dodged his hands.

"Why? It's not like I'm real or anything. And I wouldn't just give myself up to you because I love you and I'm yours forever. No, it's nothing like that." Bella's angry sarcasm bit into Edward's heart and he longed to wipe away the venomous tears that welled up in her eyes.

Bella turned away from him and stalked over to her clothes, grabbing them and heading to the bathroom. As soon as Bella's hand touched the knob, reality crashed down on Edward. Bella was planning to walk out on him, and it wasn't because he was messed up, it was because he was too stupid to notice the obvious. Without thinking about it, Edward scrambled out of bed and grabbed Bella, pulling him into his arms. "I'm sorry, love. I don't know what I was thinking. Yes, I believe you're real, I believe you're mine." He searched her face desperately for forgiveness.

"You're just saying that because you don't want me to leave." Bella growled, trying to pull away.

"You and I both know that's not true." Edward's eyes darkened to black. "I love you. And just because I've been too caught up and stupid to realize everything before doesn't mean I don't understand now. I get it. I don't know how, but you're alive because what you just gave me last night, your body and soul, was real. About as real as anything gets. And I know your mine because you left everything for me. You helped build me up when I was so lost even Carlisle had given up. You're just as much mine as I am yours. I know that now, I get that now." His voice was soft, pleading with her to see the truth behind his words.

Bella stared at him for a moment and then melted into his arms. "Thank god, I don't know what I would do if you still didn't believe me after all this. I love you, Edward. So much." But instead of kissing him like she usually did, Bella pulled both of them into a dreamscape. Not hers or Edward's but a dreamscape she had created exclusively for the two of them.

The sky was light blue and the sun warmed their skin as Edward and Bella walked through the high, lush grass and made their way to a small, cozy cottage. Edward smiled and bent down to pick a freesia for Bella as they walked. "What is this place?" He asked in awe, looking around.

"A dreamscape, for the two of us." Bella smiled at him, taking the flower from his hand and smelling it.

"I love this place, it's so beautiful." Edward continued to look around him, taking in the scenery. "Can we come here again?"

"As often as we want." Bella smiled. "As long as I have the energy."

"We can do whatever we want here." Edward stated, looking as Bella excitedly. Bella nodded. Edward laughed and gathered Bella up in his arms, twirling around, falling, kissing, touching. "I love you. You have no idea how much I love you." He grinned as he lay on the ground; the world spinning around him as Bella slowly pulled them out of the dreamscape and back into their own bodies.

"I didn't know you could do that." Edward said, spooning himself against Bella; both had fallen to the floor, after Bella had pulled them into the dreamscape.

"There are lots of things you don't know." Bella wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, really?" Edward asked, his eyes dancing with joy. "Care to enlighten me?"

Bella laughed and led him into another round of lovemaking, this time, not stopping until the day they had to go home.

As Edward drove Bella home after their short honeymoon, Bella decided that it was time to start getting back to business. "Edward? I don't want to ruin the moment but I need to make sure of something." Bella hesitantly started.

Edward's golden eyes turned to her and he nodded. "Yes?"

"Now that you know I'm alive, what would you do if we got separated again?"

Edward growled fiercely, tightening his grip on Bella's hand. "I would never let that happen. But if it did, I would sit there and wait. I'd wait until you came back to me and not move an inch."

"But you'd be ok?" Bella asked insistently.

"More than before. But I suppose I would eventually start losing it. Why, Bella? Why are you asking me this?" Edward looked at her sharply, his eyes dark.

Bella shrank back into her seat. "I don't know. I mean, with our luck, it could happen…" She trailed off and looked away.

Edward twisted in his seat to look at her, the car still moving forward. "Something is about to happen isn't it? What is going on Bella? What are you not telling me?" The car swerved dangerously as Edward focused all of his attention on Bella.

"Watch the road!" Bella reached out and steered the car with him until they were safely parked off to the side. "Edward. There is a lot I haven't told you yet. But trust me; I do plan to tell you. I just need time and I don't know if anything is about to happen, I just want to make sure, just in case." Bella explained hurriedly.

Edward sighed and sank back into his seat. "The last time you asked me one of these questions was before you died. Bella, I'm scared." He whispered. "I'm scared something is going to happen to you. I'm scared that I'm going to lose you again." He roughly rubbed his hands over his face.

"No, love. Nothing is going to happen. I am going to be okay. _We _are going to be okay. I'll tell you everything soon. Just give me a while to organize my thoughts." Bella reassured him. "In the meanwhile, I want to start something new with you."

"You're changing the subject." Edward muttered.

Bella smiled. "You'll survive. Okay, now you need to start denying me."

Edward looked at her in confusion.

"I'm going to voice my opinion and I want you to argue the opposite, I want you to tell me what you think without worrying about my feelings. If I want to go hunting and you don't, I want you to argue with me. Stand up for yourself. Don't worry about me." Bella explained.

"That's hard…" Edward frowned. He was so used to giving in to everything she wanted.

"I know. That's why we are going to work on it." Bella smiled and winked.

**THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE REVIEWING. EVERYONE ELSE WHO READS; PLEASE REVIEW. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. **

**SORRY, I DIDN'T PUT A SUPER AMAZING LEMON IN THERE. I PLANNED TO AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW…LOL. SORRY. (DEPENDING ON HOW EVERYTHING GOES, I MAY RE-DO THIS CHAPTER, MAYBE)**

**BUT WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK OF THE REST OF THE CHAPTER? I THINK I'M RUSHING THINGS BUT I WANT TO GET THIS STORY MOVING FORWARD. I'VE ALREADY SPENT A REDICULOUS AMOUNT OF TIME ON IT. PLEASE GIVE ME FEED BACK. NEXT CHAPTER SHOULD HAVE BELLA'S PAST IF ALL GOES WELL. CROSS YOUR FINGERS! **


	28. Chapter 28

**SORRY, I KNOW I LIKE DIED FOR 5 MONTHS BUT I'M BACK…SOMEWHAT. THIS IS A LITTLE SHORTER THAN USUAL BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU GUYS WITH SOMETHING BEFORE I TAKE ANOTHER BREAK TO STUDY FOR APs AND FINALS. **

**ENJOY:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

JPOV

Edward and Bella had finally returned, Edward's thoughts seemed slightly steadier and less depressing, though he still had fits of anxiety every time Jasper and Bella fought or Bella went shopping with Alice for too long. Currently, Edward was attempting to grow vegetables in the backyard while Bella was out with Alice again. Feeling the steady stream of contentment surrounding Edward, Jasper decided it would be safe to go chat with him. Jasper generally tried to avoid conversations alone with Edward for fear that Edward might want to die, like he had on the first anniversary of Bella's death.

Jasper slowly pulled himself off the couch and ambled outside, leaning against the side of the house, watching Edward hunched over, his hands covered in soil. "Need help?" He asked, tilting his head to one side, wondering what new plant Edward had decided to grow now. So far, Edward had managed to grow, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, jalapeno peppers and a variety of other things that should have died in the cold climate.

"Not really, but you can come plant with me if you're bored." Edward said, not looking up. He gingerly picked up the small plant next to him and set it in the hole he'd made moments earlier. Once he was done, he turned to look at Jasper and smiled. "What's up?" He asked, knowing Jasper had an ulterior motive for coming to talk to him.

"Nothing." Jasper said, quickly covering up his thoughts. He walked over to Edward and squat down as well, examining the plants. "What are these?" He gestured to the rows of green, leafy vegetation.

Edward shrugged. "A variety of things, I'm not sure really, I just buy whatever I can find." He reached out and fingered a leaf gently, as though it was one of the most precious things in the world. "Gardening is so relaxing; I don't know why I never figured it out before." He looked up and grinned at Jasper.

Jasper felt pure joy radiating from Edward's body. "What changed?" He asked quietly.

Edward looked at him, confused for a second, before picking up on his thoughts. Jasper sensed the chagrined emotions before Edward managed to calm them. "I'm not sure." Edward said, sighing. "I think it's the fact that I've finally come to terms with Bella being real and loving me. And the fact that I'm actually able to accomplish something helps too, I suppose." He smiled and stroked the plants again. "I think I'm going to plant flowers next."

Jasper laughed. "You're such a girl." He rolled his eyes. "Good for you."

Edward laughed as well and lay back in the dirt, smiling as he looked up in the sky. Jasper looked at Edward for a moment and then joined him on the ground. "Alice is going to be so mad that I'm ruining my clothes. I'm blaming it on you." Jasper smirked.

It was Edward's turn to roll his eyes. "Bella doesn't care, be jealous." He retorted, sticking his tongue out playfully. Jasper once again marveled at how far Edward had come, how much Bella had helped him.

"Speaking of Bella…" Jasper started. Edward turned his head, raising an eyebrow as he read Jasper's thoughts. "What's up with you two arguing all the time?" Jasper finished even though he knew Edward already knew his question.

Edward shrugged. "Part of Bella's master plan to help me get better. She thinks I need to stand up for myself and argue with everyone. And to make sure I actually have to argue with her, she says the most ridiculous things. Do you remember when she told me that I had to buy her the whole United States and make her queen if I loved her?" Edward grinned and rolled his eyes. "That is the most pathetic thing I've ever argued about."

Jasper laughed. "I remember that. You had a pretty good argument, by the way. I believe you won that one." He winked. "So, when is this arguing thing going to end? I'm not going to lie; some of the things Bella wants put me on an edge."

Edward chuckled and shrugged once more. "Not sure. Whenever Bella feels like it's enough."

Jasper checked Edward's emotions; he seemed unusually calm for not knowing the answer to most of the questions Jasper had asked so far.

Edward looked at Jasper and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Jazz. Quite worrying. I've simply come to terms with the present and I have so many things to be happy about. I'm not going to spiral back into depression and insanity. Bella is back, I'm okay."

Jasper couldn't help but notice that Edward directly correlated his sanity and wellbeing with Bella's presence. "So, what if something happens to Bella? Would you still be okay?" Jasper asked, hesitantly, not wanting to upset Edward too much.

Edward's hands clenched involuntarily, and his emotions turned dark for a moment before he took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. "That seems to be the most frequently asked question." He said slowly. "Truth to tell, I don't know. I think I'll be okay for a while but if she's truly gone again, I won't make it. Jasper, my life without Bella is impossible. You know that." He looked at Jasper, his eyes turning black and his words coloring with sadness.

"I'm sorry." Jasper mumbled, getting up. "I shouldn't have asked that question." He dusted off his hands, hair, and clothes.

"It's fine." Edward murmured darkly. "Bella has asked me that too."

"Really?" Jasper asked, surprised.

Edward nodded. "She thinks something might happen."

"Will you be okay?" Jasper asked.

Edward sent him a leveled look. "Depends on what happens." He turned back to his plants as his emotions once again took a turn towards contentment.

EPOV

Edward channeled all his energy into the plants. His conversation with Jasper replayed though his mind like a bad youtube video but Edward forcefully ignored it. When Bella finally came home, it was a relief.

"Edwaarrrdd." She sang, waltzing to the backyard in her cute, Alice-approved outfit. "How have you been doing?" Her smile lit up the Edward's world as he stood and held his dirty hands out to her.

Not bothered at all by the soil, Bella slid into Edward's arms and pressed her lips to his, her hands flying to his hair, as usual. When she pulled back, Bella grinned. "You're dirtier than usual today." She wiped some dirt from his cheek and nuzzled him. "And you smell absolutely terrible."

Edward laughed, his heart swelling as she continued to caress him even though he was grimy. "Want to garden with me?" He asked, cupping her face in his hands.

Bella smiled and nodded eagerly, as though she had just received an early Christmas present. "What do I do?" She asked, kneeling and touching the vegetables Edward had already planted. "Can I name them?" She grinned up at Edward mischievously.

Edward grinned back. "Sure." Bella quickly finished giving each plant an exotic name that had something to do with Edward and started planting with him. Edward relished the feeling he got when Bella's fingertips touched his as they reached for the same tool. But as he watched Bella work, he was most thankful that she somehow understood how important this was for him. She understood that while she could slam every other topic and make him argue with her, gardening was off limits. She worked with him in harmony, hours passing by without them talking or kissing. They simply satiated themselves with an occasional brush of the hand or smile.

Hours later, Edward and Bella sat back on their heels, looking at their little vegetation. "They are so cute, like little babies." Bella said wistfully.

Edward smiled at her. "Babies? I thought you didn't want babies."

Bella smiled back. "I don't really want babies. I like these better. They make me happy, like babies, but they aren't as high maintenance." She laughed, shuffling closer to Edward and resting her head on his shoulder.

Edward wrapped his arms around her. "I love you so much." He smiled, kissing the top of her head. And as they sat there, beneath the falling sun, the sun began to rain, drenching their clothing.

"Guys!" Alice screamed from the doorway. "You're getting your clothes dirty! I'm never going to be able to clean them!"

Bella smiled. "Sucks." She called back and turned to Edward, her large brown eyes stared deep into his gold ones.

After a few more moments, Edward stood, cradling Bella to him. "Let's go back inside." He said, walking towards the house. At first, he thought she was going to argue, as usual. But instead, Bella just nodded and curled herself in his arms, letting him do whatever he wanted.

Edward and Bella ended up on his couch after they changed. "Love me." Bella ordered with a playful smile.

Edward grinned and showered her with kisses. "Anything you want, love." He murmured against her skin.

"Anything?" Bella asked, her tone turning mischievous. She caressed Edward's cheeks and then whispered. "Let's run away to New Zealand."

"Ok." Edward responded with a smile. He would go anywhere if it meant making Bella happy.

Bella's mouth twitched, indicating to Edward that she wanted another argument. "And we'll never come back and we'll build our own mansion by hand. And we will live in blissful seclusion forever." Bella's lips pulled up into a conceited smile.

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know that won't work, darling. I'm not going to bother arguing with you on this one."

Bella opened her mouth to protest when Alice barged into the room. "Ok, I'm pretty sure tonight's gonna be a storm. Wanna play ball?" She asked with a grin, her eyes alight and a baseball in hand.

Edward hesitated for a moment and glanced at Bella, who kept her face carefully blank to allow Edward to think on his own. "Yes, I think I want to play." He said finally, giving Alice a smile.

Alice clapped her hands excitedly and began to leave when Bella spoke. "I don't want to play." She said, crossing her arms defiantly and looking so serious, Edward couldn't tell if she wanted to argue on this one or if she seriously didn't want to play.

Alice hesitated and then pleaded. "Please? I'm not sure when it'll storm again and this is a really good opportunity for _Edward._" She gave Bella a meaningful glance.

Edward hated being talked about like that. He understood that he was dependent on Bella but there was no reason for Alice to rub it in, even if she did want to guilt trip Bella into playing.

But Bella rolled her eyes and still gave Alice a defiant no. "I don't care. Edward has gotten this far without baseball and there is no logical reason to start now. Baseball is an utter waste of time. I don't see why anyone in this house kills brain cells playing it." She stared Alice down.

Alice gave Bella her best pleading look but Bella firmly stood her ground. "Edward…" Alice started. _Convince her, please. And if she doesn't want to play, will you still play with us? She can sit and watch…_ Alice conveyed through her mind.

Edward frowned, not wanted to go against Bella but still wanting to hang out with his family. "Let me and Bella talk about it." He told Alice out loud. "We'll give you an answer in the next two hours."

"Okay." Alice smiled and disappeared down the stairs, her thoughts hopeful.

Once she was gone, Bella turned to Edward. "There is no way you can convince me to go play baseball." She informed him.

"Then why don't we just sit and watch together?" Edward suggested.

"No! How pointless is that. I could sit here and watch TV and have more fun." Bella retorted.

Edward sighed. "Don't you want to spend time with the family? This will be fun, promise." He leaned close and breathed into Bella's face, making his eyes wide and innocent in an attempt to dazzle her.

Bella pulled back slightly and shook her head. "I am not in the mood to socialize. Nor do I wish to see other's having fun without me."

_How conceited. _Rosalie's thoughts drifted up to Edward. Edward scowled but didn't respond. "Bella, don't you love me?" He asked quietly. "Please come, for me. We can have the rest of the week to ourselves and go to New Zealand for a month afterwards." He bargained, giving her a hopeful smile.

"I don't want to go to New Zealand. And what if I want to be around others for the rest of the week?" Bella challenged.

It became clear to Edward at this point that Bella simply wanted to argue and so he sat back and stared at her. "I don't want to argue, Bella. This is serious." He said.

"I know. That is exactly _why_ I want to argue. This is obviously something you want to do that I don't want to do and I think this is a very good opportunity to put your skills to use." Bella sat back and smiled at him. "Convince me."

Edward's shoulders slumped and he stood. "Fine, then. I'll play alone. You can stay here and watch TV."

He saw the surprise in Bella's face at his words before she quickly smoothed out her expression. "You would simply leave me here to go and do what you want?" She asked angrily. "Have you thought of all the things I've left for you?"

Edward opened and closed his mouth for a moment, trying to get the words to come out. He hadn't meant to make Bella angry. "Bella, I…" He started when she cut him off.

"Fine. Go have fun. I'll be camping out here until you get back." She spit at him and stormed out of the room.

Edward stood frozen, stunned. _Leave her, Edward. Come play with us. She'll cheer up soon enough. _Alice thought to Edward. A small part of Edward was tempted to agree with Alice but more of him was too scared to lose Bella.

Just as he'd made up his mind to go and give in, he heard Jasper's thoughts. _Keep holding on, Edward. Man, that was good. Bella is so happy right now. I can't believe he actually stood up to her like that. _Edward tuned into Jasper's thoughts and realized that this all was a ploy from Bella and she really wasn't angry with him. Edward sank to the ground in relief and laughed quietly even though he felt like crying with relief.

"Bella." He murmured and a moment later, he felt her arms around him. "You're gonna be the death of me."

Bella's quiet laughter rang in his ears. "I'll have to wait till we finish the game though."

Edward looked at her and shook his head. "You really had me going, you know. I was freaking out just now."

"I know." Bella smiled. "I'm glad you won that argument. I really do want to play." And then Bella laughed as she heard Alice cheering from downstairs.

"Get ready! I hear thunder already!" Alice sang from the foot of the stairs.

JPOV

Everyone stood in a clearing, it was girls against boys this time and Bella was up to bat. Edward stood between second and third base, his eyes sharp and emotions relatively calm. Jasper smiled, a few years ago, he wouldn't have even dreamed this day possible.

"Pitch already!" Bella called out. "My dead grandmother is faster than you." She grinned as Emmett laughed.

"What can I say? I'll older than your grandma." Jasper winked and then threw the ball.

Bella started to respond when she saw the ball and hit it with all her strength. It went flying and Edward left his position to go after it.

"Run faster. Catch it!" Carlisle yelled.

"Take your time, sweetie. There's no rush." Bella countered as she sprinted between bases. She was almost passed third when the ball sliced through the air, nearly hitting Bella's shoulder. Bella scrambled back to third and glanced behind her to see a grinning Edward jogging back.

"I didn't get you?" He asked, shocked. "That was so close!"

"I know, you just missed me." Bella smirked. "How does that make you feel?" She stuck her tongue out and Edward bent down to kiss her.

"Hey! We are playing baseball, not competitive mouth sucking!" Emmett yelled. "No PDA allowed!"

Bella laughed and gave Edward a sloppy French kiss. "What was that? Sorry, I didn't hear you the first time." She laughed as Emmett growled at her playfully.

Edward grinned and wrapped his arms around Bella, kissing her forehead. "Ease up, Em. We're going to win either way."

"Says who?" Bella demanded, looking up at Edward.

"Me." He smiled. "I've got a hold of you and I'm not letting go." He tightened his grip. Jasper felt the happiness and love radiating from Edward.

"That's cheating!" Bella growled, trying to break away. She looked offended from the outside but Jasper felt the joy and calm she felt when Edward had his arms around her.

"Alright, back to the game. This storm isn't going to last forever." Carlisle said at last, smiling at Bella and Edward, who were still struggling with one another.

Alice was up to bat next and she blew Jasper a kiss. Jasper grinned at her and began to pull his arm back to throw when he suddenly felt a set of emotions that weren't coming from any of his family members. He whipped his head to the side just as Edward did and saw another male vampire staring at Bella and Edward with his mouth hanging slightly open.

Jasper felt a brief shock of panic from Bella when she saw the man before she took off after him.

EPOV

Bella tore out of Edward's arms and chased after the other vampire who had just started to run away. "Play without me. I'll be right back." Bella called back, running so fast her feet were a blur of movement.

Edward struggled to reign in his desire to run after Bella. _She'll be right back. _He reminded himself. How long had the vampire been watching them? Edward had been so caught up in Bella that he didn't even notice this new vampire's thoughts. But as he ran farther and farther away, Edward focused and caught snippets.

_Oh, no. The Queen saw me. What is she gonna do? _The unknown vampire was panicking and Edward saw Bella gain on him as he started to run out of Edward's range. _She's going to destroy me. _Was his last thought.

Edward's mind was reeling. The Queen? Destroy? That didn't sound at all like the Bella he knew, but then again, there were so many things that he and Bella hadn't discussed about her life in that decade that she had been without him. _I'll ask her when she comes back. _Edward promised himself. He had to know, for the sake of his sanity.

The rest of the game passed in a blur as Edward tried to focus. Eventually, he opted to sit on the side and be the ref but really tried to get a handle on himself. It had been two hours and Bella still wasn't back yet.

"We're going back, son. You should come. Bella will know where to find us." Carlisle said, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder.

Edward shook her head tightly. "You guys go. I'm staying here. Bella and I need to talk when she comes back."

Carlisle frowned worriedly and then nodded. "Okay. Will you be ok here alone?" He asked.

Edward nodded. "I'll be fine." And he settled himself against a tree, staring off into the distance as he waited for Bella. And the longer he waited, the more he felt his sanity slip away.

**WOO. YEAY **** EDWARD HAS FINALLY GOTTEN MOSTLY BETTER. IF EVERYTHING GOES AS PLANNED, BELLA'S TEXAS TIME SHOULD TAKE UP THE MAJORITY OF THE NEXT CHAPTER. I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! (There have to be more than two people who read this. Please let me know if you like it. To my regular reviewers: THANK YOU! This is for you)**


	29. Chapter 29

**LAST CHAPTER. THERE IS AN IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM, PLEASE READ. ENJOY**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

Edward waited all night, expanding his mind, searching for Bella. At the first rays of dawn, she returned to him. "Edward!" Bella smiled and ran into his arms as soon as she saw him. "I missed you."

"Then you shouldn't have left." Edward mumbled into her hair, holding her tightly.

"I had to." Bella sighed, slowly extracting herself from Edward's embrace.

"Why?" Edward asked, grabbing Bella's hands. "Tell me everything. No secrets this time." He looked at her with sad, serious eyes. "I don't want to be left in the dark anymore."

Bella nodded and looked down. "You're right…I just….i don't know." She sighed.

Edward tilted her chin up. "Then, tell me." He asked quietly.

Bella nodded and launched into her tale. She told them everything that she had told the Cullens when she first came. She explained her transformation to Edward and held him when he nearly broke down from guilt.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward sobbed. "I didn't know you were alive. I am so stupid. I'm unworthy…"

Bella cut him off with a kiss. "I wouldn't be here if you were any of those things. We all make mistakes, Edward, I've made mine too." Her voice drifted off as she thought back.

"You know, back in Texas, I met this other vampire. He was really powerful and liked to think of himself as the King. It kinda worked for him too because he had the power of charm. Everywhere he went, people fell for him left and right, he got everything he wanted with the bat of an eyelash." Bella started, her thoughts far away. "I met him on my first day at the club. He tried to charm me, I think, but it didn't work. Regardless, he was the first one who took interest in me and he was powerful so I decided to take him on his offer and stay with him." Bella glanced at Edward and seeing the expression on his face, she hurriedly continued.

"But we didn't do anything. I think he wanted to see how charming he really was and how much of others' reactions were based off his gift. He was sweet, but he reminded me of Emmett more than anything. Anyway, you know that club I told you about?" She waited until Edward nodded. "Well, he was kind of the 'king' of the club, too. Whoever he was with at the time automatically became queen. Because I was with him a lot, people just assumed we were together and made me 'queen'. When I found out about you and finally manned up enough to come here, I only told a few of my close friends, but not him. I knew he would try to stop me because he knew my background but I couldn't have that. I needed to see you. So I made everyone promise to keep their mouth shut and I walked off one day."

"How'd you know where to find us?" Edward asked.

"Tanya, remember? And I bought a map, too." Bella smiled and then continued. "So I came here and no one knew where I was, or they wouldn't tell if they knew, and the King got freaked out. After a while, he sent people to look for me. When he realized that I had told some people where I went, he started harassing them, that's when I got the phone call. Remember that? When I was talking in click on the phone?"

"Ah, so you were talking to your close friends?" Edward asked, thinking back.

Bella nodded. "I told them to get rid of all my stuff in an attempt that King would just forget about me. It didn't work, obviously. I guess he found someone who told him where I was because that's how Jason found me yesterday while we were playing."

"Jason's the other vampire?" Edward frowned. "Why didn't King just come himself?"

Bella shrugged. "King likes to do everything with style. Employing other vampires is stylish, I guess." She smiled. "But we don't need to worry about that anymore. I talked to Jason, he's going to get the King off my back, and we can leave Texas behind us."

"Bella, you don't have to leave Texas behind. We can go if you want to. I swear, I don't mind." Edward gave her a small smile and held her close to him. "Thank you for telling me. I want all the details some other time, ok?" He asked, kissing her cheek.

Bella looked up at him and smiled. "Sure thing."

"Wanna go home?" Edward asked, standing up.

"Yeah." Bella grinned and jumped on his back. "Carry me."

Edward laughed. "Of course, love."

Bella nuzzled him. "Love you." She whispered in his ear playfully.

"You too." Edward smiled and took off running, leaving the past behind them, once in for all.

**OK, I KNOW I HAD OTHER PLANS FOR THIS STORY BUT I THINK IT'S BEEN DRAWN OUT TOO LONG. I'VE LOST INTREST AND SO HAVE MY READERS. FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE HUNG WITH ME SO FAR, THANK YOU. IF ANY OF YOU WANTED MORE, I'M SORRY. I KNOW IT'S A SUCKY ENDING BUT I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING HANGING. I TIED THINGS UP AS BEST AS I COULD WITHOUT MOTIVATION. MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TO THIS ONE DAY AND CLEAN IT UP. **

**SORRY, NVAVNVA**


End file.
